Photo by the fantabulous Jenica
In the last year and a half, I've had the opportunity to date a lot of men. A lot.
Nice guys. Not-so-nice guys. Weird guys. Funny guys. Hot guys. Sweet guys. Athletic guys. Smart guys. Guys who have become, and will always remain, cherished friends. Guys who I hope to never see again. Guys I still talk to several times on a daily basis. Guys who call from random parts of the world on off hours after not hearing from them for months. Guys who are, or will be, incredible fathers. Guys who should probably be tied down with fishing line and sterilized for the good of mankind. Guys who make me feel safe and secure and feminine. Guys who bring out the outspoken, aggressive, sexy side of me. Guys who are just starting to figure out who they are. Guys who are solid and stable and healthy.
Many, many men. Quite frankly, it's been exhausting, but DAMN! has it been fun!
And now, it's time for a break.
So, for the summer of 2009, from Memorial Day to Labor Day, I am calling a moratorium on my dating life. No men. No dates. Originally, I thought I'd put the ix-nay on flirting, but, that's taking it a little far for me. I love to flirt and I can't quite bring myself to cut that out entirely. So that stays in the mix, innocently and casually, but the rest of it is officially on vacation.
So...if i've had so much fun and met so many incredibly people, why am I doing this?
At the heart of this decision is my word of the year, "balance". There are certain things I can't call a moratorium on. I must work because I very much enjoy not being homeless and the state will take away my daughter if I call a moratorium on my parental duties. Dating takes up A LOT of time and energy and I feel that these resources could be spent in better ways this summer.
I guess, when it comes right down to it, my soul is calling out for some of it's own time. I need some spend some time doing those things that fill up the well, so to speak, so I can keep giving to those I love. This summer is about the things that make me feel good: time with my daughter, family and friends, chasing good health by biking, running, swimming, yoga, eating well, spending time outdoors, hiking, playing with my kiddo in the parks, counting stars, writing, reading, talking and laughing.
This summer is about me. Just me. My saturday nights might be spent at the gym, and my sexy pedi's may only be appreciated by my girlfriends and my baby girl (who's loving her own pedi's these days). And i'm completely fine with all of this, because I'm the only one I have to live with forever. And right now, i'm ok with it being: Just Me.
6 comments:
A small part of me has been jealous about all of the dating you get to do. I think that is the thing I have regretted most about getting married so young. Regret really is too strong of a word, but you get what I am saying. I didn't get to sow my wild oats.
Yet, in your contrast, I have become more thankful for what I do have. I really do have a good man and maybe I just needed to snag him up early (he is 8 years older) before someone else got to him before me. I also think he got lucky in a way because I was able to see his potential when it wasn't totally apparent.
Here's to your man-free summer. May it be full of self-growth, inner peace, and fun fun fun. Trust that in making yourself a priority, everything else will start to sort itself out. Come Labor Day, you will be in a great place to find a really great guy because that is what you deserve.
In the meantime, I will continue to tell the story about the videos and the special shot at the end LOL. It's always good for a laugh.
You are giving yourself quite a gift, Amy W. It's amazing to "watch" you figure out exactly what you need to do to live your life fully and authentically and happily. The courage it takes to make this sort of decision is immense and I have no doubt that as your path unfolds before you, you will find deep and lasting peace. I'll say it again, Riley is a lucky little girl to have you as her mom. Trust me, someday she'll know that. xo
SWEET! So does that mean I get to see you more this summer? You should come to Jersey with us! If not this summer then sometime! I love you and I too am jealous!! I REALLY need ME time and have no idea how to get it! Enjoy!!
Can you come and help me find me?? Seriously, the way you write and the clarity you have on what you need in your life is amazing. I think if you get tired of what you are doing now, you should become a therapist. You would be amazing. You could help people look inside themselves and answer honestly to the never-ending mind games. You could probably help them find who they are by teaching them how to write! I love your posts. I love your writing and I love your goals. Your posts make me laugh and cry and think. However, I do feel like a total slacker after I read them, like I'm walking through life without seeing or living it while you are truly "in" life and living it and becoming a stronger, better person and mother each day. You are amazing.
you look so happy and beautiful and relaxed in the photo! it's hard finding that balance. so, so proud of you - your daughter will be the recipient of all that summer goodness! and most definitely YES to all the flirting.
xo
we cant get married...your on a break....... hehehehe
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