**This is the first year that Riley has really been into the holidays, and it's also the year that my condo is getting new windows. I don't really want to decorate if I'm going to have to tear it all down for the windows, but I don't want to NOT decorate when she's so excited for it. Still not sure what to do. **Speaking of holidays, Riley is *loving* the holiday cartoons and tv shows. We're watching Rudolph right now...the one where the elf wants to be a dentist. It's cuter than I remember, even though she thinks that Abominable Snowman is a white monkey. **This is my view from my downtown office. It's more impressive on sunny days, but I enjoy it all the time. **When I asked Riley what she learned in church on Sunday, she replied that 'Jesus was a nice man who wore a dress,' and that 'men who wear dresses are nice.' I can't argue with any of her logic, so I figured she's right on track. **We're making another batch of Chex Mix tonight. Riley calls it 'oatmeal' and she prefers to eat for breakfast. I figure that it's mostly cereal, so it's all good. **It's a few weeks early, but Santa brought me new backpacking boots and snowshoes. Merry Christmas to me! **My morning yoga practice is quickly becoming a mandatory part of the day. It sets me up mentally like nothing else. **I don't know what I'd do without my go-to "man thought and action" translator. Thanks, Vin. You certainly do rock. **I hate wearing socks. I really do.
Church. Yoga pants and sweatshirts. No plans. Staying home with my girl. Watching the snow fall. Movies. Stacks of books to read. Afternoon naps followed by restorative yoga. Phone dates with long-distance friends. Writing in my journal. Baking cookies. Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. With walnuts, to be exact. Pretty much adds up to a perfect way to spend the day, in my book.
Today, I am exceedingly grateful for the things that aren't necessary, per se, but sure do make life much more enjoyable. Today, I am grateful for: *An evening at the spa that left me a bit sore (damn deep muscle work) but very relaxed. *Tangled in 3-D with an 8 year old pixie and a very large bucket of popcorn. *A good relationship with Riley's Dad. It's nice that we can work together for her best interests. *The guy who sat on the end of my lane counting laps for me this morning. I love to swim, but I hate counting laps, so this was a nice respite from the dreaded task. *An upcoming trip to Hawaii in April. I'm already day-dreaming of sandy beaches, amazing hikes, lovely sunsets and some quality time with one of my favorite people. *A super-clean and well-organized home, thanks to a lost camera remote shutter and a slight OCD streak. *Having my little one back after a few days with her Dad. I enjoy the break, but I am always happy to have her home. *My christmas shopping is almost completely DONE! Yay! And the few things I still need can all be purchased online! Double YAY! *I still have a day left in this long, lovely weekend. It's going to be a lazy Sunday with no plans, except making chocolate chip cookies with my kiddo and phone dates with a couple of friends.
What about you? What little thing is making your world a bit brighter today?
There was a time in my life that I didn't appreciate my body and didn't value my health. I didn't take care of it, ignored it, and filled it with junk. Not surprisingly, I felt awful. I was sluggish and slow and I suffered migraines, back aches, any number of physical symptoms. In hindsight, I realize that my physical health was all tied up with my mental and emotional state. I was deeply unhappy, in an unhealthy marriage, and taking care of myself just wasn't something that was high on my list of priorities.
My return to good health started after I had my baby. It began as a way to lose the weight I had gained while I was pregnant, but I quickly found that exercise was a great stress reliever, something I desperately needed at the time. I was navigating my way through a divorce, had a newborn, and was working full time at a demanding job. Working out was usually the only thing I could do for myself and the only time I had to myself in the course of the day. Exercise led to better eating habits, better eating habits led to better sleep, better sleep made it possible to deal with the emotional demands of single motherhood, and dealing with those made me feel lighter and more stable. This led to increased energy, which led to...well, you can see...it's a cyclical thing.
Fast forward three years, and I feel like I am in the best health of my life. I bike, I swim (I learned a couple of years ago despite being terrified of it), I run (well, I don't for a couple more weeks-I'm rehabbing a torn hip flexor) and I make it a point to stay active all the time. I can bust out a triathlon with a few days notice. I can ride my bike insane amounts of miles if I feel the desire to do so. I am currently working on getting a more regular yoga practice incorporated into my day. I feel great about all of those things, but besides being phsyically fit, I am emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy. I don't get sick, I rarely get headaches, I never suffer from backaches....I'm able to keep up with my fast-paced life and be the active, fun person and mother that I want to be. I'm happy and I get to teach Riley by example that good health is multi-dimensional and something that should be a priority in our lives.
It's not always easy to be healthy and balanced, and I don't believe it's really a destination you arrive at and - BAM!- you've achieved it. It's a continual pursuit, a way of life, a choice that you are constantly making, and I've learned to live with the 'two steps forward, one step back' approach. I truly believe, however, that good health is something that has to be prioritized in order to live a happy life. It's something that I, personally, treasure more than any money in the bank, more than any material possession. It allows me to fully enjoy my amazing life and all the incredible people and wonderful experiences that fill it up. And for that, I am so grateful.
I've been sitting here for an hour, trying to distill how thankful I am for my family into a few spare paragraphs.
I'm a writer. I love my family. This should be easy.
These people: my parents, my brothers and sisters, my nieces and nephews, my grandparents....those that I am joined with by blood and those who I am joined with by marriage... ...They are everything to me.
(Note: This post was supposed to go up yesterday, but apparently Blogger hates me. So you'll be getting two posts today.) Having a tribe of women surround me (both physically and virtually) is a key element in living the best life I can. These women are my rocks, my mainstays, and I think of them as family.
They offer love, support and a safe place to land. They listen to me, really hear me, and understand on a level that is straight from their hearts. They push me to go further, go faster, and do my best, always encouraging me to push my limits to find what I have inside of me. They laugh with me and often at me (it's ok, I do some pretty funny stuff). They have stood with me in grief and held my hand in sorrow, then helped me pick up the pieces and move on. They let me be exactly who I am, with all my strengths and my faults and my accomplishments and my mistakes, and they remind me that no matter what, I am enough. My world is so much bigger, so much brighter, because of the friendships I have. For these women, for these relationships, for the moments of joy they bring to my life, I am grateful.
(I don't have pics of everyone I wanted to include here, but please know that there are many people who's photo *should* be here. I'm making it a goal to get photos of all my friends.)
There has been a Blizzard warning in effect for Utah today, which resulted in me being sent home from work early. The advice was to get out, get what you need for a few days, get your family home, and stay put. Um....OK!
I love being at home, so an enforced "night-in" is just fine with me. My condo is small, and it's usually cluttered with the various 'stuff' that accompanies a three year old, but It's where I am the most comfortable and where I am the happiest. After about 30 minutes of snowfall
Riley and I arrived home around 3:00 this afternoon, and we've been hanging out since. We've watched ELF, had a dance party, made chex mix, cleaned out the entry-way closet, made huge messes in other rooms doing 'art', ran some laundry, and read a stack of books. We also paid a visit to Beckie and Madi, our upstairs neighbors, and saw their pet rat Olive, and her six tiny babies (cute, but still sorta creepy). We wound the day up with a rousing game of Riley's version of memory and then it was bathtime, PJ's, and 'Ratatouille'. Riley got up the courage to pet Olive, as long as Madi held her.
Beckie holding one of the cute rat babies.
Part of her 'memory' strategy - - laying down on the cards. The wind started in fiercely around 5:00 and the snow began not long after that. We won't be going anywhere anytime soon, but I don't mind. We're safe. We're happy. We have everything we need. For this-a home I love that gives us a safe, warm place to land-I am grateful.
In honor of Thanksgiving, I'll be posting everyday this week about the things in my life for which I am most grateful.
For me, there is no other way to start off than with her. The opportunity to be Riley's mother is the greatest gift I have ever been given. There was a time when I couldn't imagine being a parent, when I didn't think I had it in me to give someone else what they needed to grow into their full potential. I'm so glad that I was given the chance to prove that these ideas were false. Motherhood has been a wild ride, to say the least. The extreme emotions and unexpected turns that have accompanied life with Riley often leave me breathless and awestruck, sometimes shaking with sheer terror and other times ready to whoop with the sheer joy of it all. There are moments I hope I never forget- moments when my heart is ready to shatter into a million little pieces when her little arms wrap around my neck, or when her sweet voice whispers "oh, mama...I love you" as she drifts off to sleep in my embrace. And then there are the other moments, the ones I sort of hope to forget, when I'm less than my best; when I'm frustrated, weary and worn. Still, one of the greatest lessons I've learned from parenting is to really feel what I'm feeling, whether that be terror, frustration, contentment or unabashed joy. It's the best way to be present with her, to give us both what we need in that moment,and it's a lesson that has served me well in all the areas of my life. Motherhood has brought so much to my life, and has taught me so much about myself. I've found reserves of strength I didn't know I had, and discovered reservoirs of patience that lie deep below the surface. I've learned how to dig deep and push through the hard times, because at the end lies a field full of joy and laughter. I've become healthier, happier, more confident and brave, because I want her to see that in me and find it in herself. I've learned what really matters and how to put first things first. I've found a stronger faith and a deeper desire to live a life both she and I can be proud of. Everyday brings with it a new lesson, and each lesson teaches me that I can trust myself, that I can trust in my ability to be her mother- exactly now, exactly how we are- because we have a whole lifetime of things to share with each other. I'm not sure why I was given the opportunity to raise this child, this girl who is part sunshine, part spit and sass. But here is what I do know: I am supposed to be her mother, and she is, without a doubt, supposed to be my daughter. When I look into her face and see so much of myself, when I know instinctively what she needs from me in that very moment, when I can intuit her next move because it's exactly what I would do...these are the things that cement this belief, that remind me that I can do this, that I can raise her, no matter how challenging it is. This little girl was sent to me exactly how and when she was supposed to be. Of that, I have no doubt. For this gift, for the chance to experience motherhood with this child, who is full of love, light and life, and who teaches me to be exactly who I am and more than I ever thought I would be, I am so incredibly grateful.
Today, I am grateful for the little things that make life so much sweeter:
*Having my kiddo home and listening to her sing in the bathtub. *Vietnamese soup with one of my favorite people. *The 24 hour flu bug only lasted about 12. *Yoga pant, ponytails, and homemade pizza = Friday night. *Creative evenings with my tribe and the nutty photostrips that emerge from them. *A run/swim gym date planned for tomorrow morning. *Phone calls from my friends who are scattered across the nation. *A list of new books to read, courtesy of my blog readers (thanks for your comments and emails! I'm excited to get going on this list.) *Zumba - so fun and such an energy boost! *A clean house and laundry that is almost caught up. *New music on my ipod (I love new finds, don't you?) *Finally ordering photos for my photo collage. *An unexpected package from my very sweet friend.
**I've started working downtown one or two days a week, and it's been a really fun way to shake up my work life. My new office is a bit more "corporate" than my University office and the energy there reflects this distinction. I wasn't sure how I'd react to the difference in atmosphere, but I am finding that I really enjoy it. Everyone I have encountered there is very friendly and helpful, and the view...oh, the view! I can look right out over Temple Square and Capitol Hill. It makes me so happy to glance out the window and see the city going about it's business.
**I'm not a huge fan of the holidays (in fact, it's more accurate to say that I dread them) but Riley is so excited about them and I am trying to make them as fun as possible, without going overboard. We have already received so many invitations for different events and parties - it looks like we have something every night in December, and it's not even Thanksgiving yet! I'm going to slash and burn through that list - I can't handle being that obligated- and only commit to the ones I really want to attend. Bah humbug? Yeah, probably.
**My condo board voted to install new window through our whole building, and while I wasn't thrilled about a major expense and renovation right before the holidays, I do think it will be a nice upgrade. I've also decided to refinance my condo, so I've been buried in the legwork that goes with those two things. It's been pretty painless, as these things go, but it will be nice to have them both over with and out of the way.
**I'm making some plans to head out to the East Coast with my girl in May or June (probably June). We are going to see some friends who just moved to New Jersey recently and also this girl, who I love and adore and can't wait to spend more time with. I've never been to NYC (other than layovers which don't count) and I'm excited to explore the city with my little one. I think she needs to attend a Broadway Musical - right? Which one for an almost four year old?
**I've got some serious musical obsessions going on over here: Courtyard Hounds, Sarah Barielles, Christina Perri, Ray LaMontagne, Amos Lee....some aren't so new, but wow...I can't get enough.
**I need some new reading material...what's on your list these days? I keep a list of books I want to read, but they all seem so heavy right now. I need light and easy, maybe fiction. Thoughts and suggestions are welcome.
You know those moments? Those precious, ordinary scraps of time that make a lasting impression on your heart? That remind you of how sweet your life is or show you that you already have everything you need?
I try to hold these moments close, cradled as carefully as if I were carrying a glass globe or a jar full of fireflies. They are the moments that fill me up, that offer rest and comfort when my soul is weary, my body is exhausted, and my mind is tired with the minutiae of being an adult.
This is one of my precious moments: Photo by Jenica Snuggled into the couch at the home of dear friends who have become family, a place where both my little one and I are absorbed into the cheerful, comfortable chaos. Little girls piled willy-nilly on my lap, their tiny arms wrapped around my neck and sweet little cheeks cuddled into my shoulders. My voice bringing to life the words someone else has written, while miniature voices murmur in wonder and awe, breathing small sighs of contentment as they contemplate a world of unicorns and rainbows.
So, yesterday was the 12th, which usually means a day of carrying my camera everywhere, and documenting my everyday life. Well, it's been a hell of a week, and I completely and totally forgot until about 3 pm. I'm going to still shoot my 12 on Monday, so i have the record for the whole year, but if I had remembered, these are the photos you would be viewing.
1. I woke up at 5:15 am, which is the norm these days. I feel like I have to get up that early to stay on top of my day. 2. Riley wore her favorite purple Tinkerbell shirt to preschool, accessorized by a lovely hot pink feather boa (thanks, Jolie). I convinced her to leave the boa in my car so it would 'safe and sound'. 3. Red and pink starbursts, a favorite of the Bugness these days. She calls them her 'sour treats'. 4. Mandarin oranges, one of my all-time favorite fruits is back in season, so I am all stocked up! They remind me of my sister and fun holidays in the Bay area. 5. I wore my Joy superhero necklace, which is one of my happiest things to wear. 6. My work calendar was crammed full of meetings, ending with a 3 hour conference call. I love my job, but three hours on the phone on a Friday afternoon is a bit much, in my opinion. 7. I drank Tazo Calm tea all day long, probably 4-5 cups of it and TONS of water. It's something I'm working on doing more consistently. 8. I have had a lingering headache for the past few days, so after work I took a loooooong hot bath and rubbed some peppermint oil on my neck. 9. I skipped my planned run in favor of relaxing and reading "Mere Christianity" and "Born to Run". I've read both in the past, but I really enjoy re-reading favorites now and again. 10. I usually schedule a massage at least once a month when Riley is with her Dad, and so I rounded out the evening with this lovely treat. It's may favorite way to be nice to myself. 11. Target run - stocking stuffers for both Riley and me....check. 12. I had a long, heartfelt talk with Jenica, that left me laughing, filled up, and so grateful for my amazing friendships. I can't think of a lovelier way to end the day.
..................................................................................................................................... And on another note entirely.... Riley has been really into reading me stories lately. They are usually cute little jumbled up versions of some story we've read together, with some intrigue and perhaps a Disney themed conspiracy theory to twist you all up. She agreed to share one on video, so please enjoy her version of "Mama, I love you."
R: "Mama, when I grow up, what will I look like?" A: "Well, it's hard to say for sure, but you'll probably look a lot like me." R: "Why?" A: "Because you already look a lot like me and you are my little girl." ---long pause--- R: "What am I gonna do about that?"
A: "Riley, please sit still." (Wrestling her shoes onto her feet) R: "I can't, Mama. I'm too excited." A: "What are you excited about?" R: "I saw where you hid the GUM!" -----Long pause---- R: (to herself, under her breath) "I shouldn't have said that."
R: "Collin said stupid today." A: "Stupid is not a kind word and I think we should only use kind words." R: "Yeah, we only say kind words." -----Long pause---- R: "Mama, is 'Jackass' a kind word? Because you say it A LOT."
I have a special file on my computer where I keep things that make me feel especially good. It's my go-to place when I need a quick pick-me-up, a place to get a hit of what makes my life so wonderful. I dipped into this file today, and came up with this:
Dear Amy,
I've known you for a year. In some ways I feel like I've known you my whole life. In other ways, I feel like I learn something new about you everyday, and in that sense, our friendship feels so new. Not new, like I don't know you, just that it makes our friendship feel so fresh. You are one of the most dynamic people I know. No one should ever assume that they know what you're all about, all the way. I think you're like the ocean. You're cool and beautiful and strong and powerful. You're constantly flowing with what comes your way. You make waves. You're not to be taken lightly. For these reasons, and so many more, I love you entirely. Love, Me
This was a blog post that a very good friend of mine put up over a year ago. She's one of the few people I feel like I've known forever, and I love her more every single day that I know her. She's honest and smart and kind and bitchy and edgy and strong and wild and badass and perceptive and, well, quite simply...she's awesome. She's the friend who will go shopping with me for lipstick one minute and then challenge me to a full-out, fast and furious bicycle race the next.
Did I mention she's awesome?
I've said before that I collect good people and this girl...she's one of the best. I'm so grateful for her and for what she brings to my life. Love her. Completely.
There are a few things I am really proud of: My daughter. My family. My education. My work. My friends. My values. My talents. My abilities. My accomplishments.
But one of the experiences that I am most proud of is having served in the US Air Force. I'm proud to say that I stood beside my brothers and sisters in uniform and was willing to protect my country and stand for the freedoms we all enjoy, one of which is the right to vote.
I don't care where you stand politically. I don't care who you vote for. I don't care if you are democrat or republican or somewhere in the middle or way, way out there.
You have a voice, and people fought and died to give it to you.
**When I asked Riley what she learned in church on Sunday, she replied that 'Jesus was a nice man who wore a dress,' and that 'men who wear dresses are nice.' I can't argue with any of her logic, so I figured she's right on track.
