Fa-la-la-la-la

If you know me, you probably have heard me complain about the Holidays.  I don't really like them.  It's not that I have anything against celebrations or Santa or playing in the snow or the birth of Christ.   I love all of those things.  What I hate is the madness, the busy-ness, the tension, the focus on money and consumerism and 'stuff', and the things i dislike seem to be taking over the things I love.   It stresses me out and makes me irritable, right in the middle of a season that is supposed to be filled with joy and cheer.

Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-freakin'-la.

So...this year, I decided to make the season as positive as I could by getting rid of as much of the stuff I dislike about the holidays, and focusing on what I like and what I enjoy.  So, I made sure my Christmas shopping was done before Thanksgiving.  I made a list and I have stuck with it.  I set a budget and didn't budge (hehe) from it.  I decided which of the holiday parties and social events I will attend, and which I will respectfully decline.  And I am really trying to make sure that the things I do that keep me sane (working out, eating well, getting enough sleep, seeing my friends) aren't sacrificed to the cause of those that make me insane.

I can't say that I'm completely in the Christmas Spirit (that would be an outright lie) but I'm not a complete downer about it, either. So far, I've enjoyed helping watching Riley decorate our tree- all the ornaments are clustered on two branches- and I'm helping with some clothing drives, which is rewarding.  Riley has a short list of Christmas things she wants to do (Go see Santa, enjoy the lights at Temple Square, etc.) and other than that, we're trying to stay on our routine as much as possible.

It's just a few weeks out of the year, and I'll get through them happily enough.  But I will say that the spa day that I 'heard' Santa will be leaving for me - well, it's doing it's part in keeping my spirits bright.

Thankful

Riley and I spent Thanksgiving in Idaho with my family.  We stayed at my Dad's home, and enjoyed four days of family, fun, and aMAZing mexican food (we branched out a little for Thanksgiving Dinner this year.)  We drove back to Utah this afternoon, and I spent most of the drive thinking about how good things are for us right now, and how thankful I am for the life I live and for how things always seem to turn out how they are supposed to.  It reminded me that I needed to catch up on posting my November Gratitude lists here.  

upside down me

Nov. 14 - Grateful for Mondays, for my full schedule and the fulfillment that I find in my work.
Nov. 15 - Grateful for the opportunity i have to work with several 8-11 year old girls in my new church commitment.
Nov. 16- Grateful for a flexible schedule and an understanding boss - taking a sick day to care for Riley is not nearly as stressful as it could be. 
Nov. 17- Grateful for the sorted and organized home and mind that comes with some time to myself.
Nov. 18- Grateful for the chance to end the week with some of my favorite people and for an evening of rest and relaxation.
Nov. 19- Grateful for my dear friend who helped me out at a moment's notice, and for the cheerful spirits that she and her three girls posess.  Being in their home, even just for a very short time, left me uplifted and happy.
Nov. 20 - Grateful that, despite the fact that Riley is not feeling her best, we were able to enjoy a quiet Sunday at home together- reading, cooking and napping.
Nov. 21- Grateful that my girl was well enough to go to school today, and that I finished up my Christmas shopping today.  I still have to work on some gifts that I am making, but by and large - I'm done!
Nov. 22- Grateful that I'm finally able to work out at my normal level.  It's been almost a month since I've been able to work hard at the gym, and I really missed it!
Nov. 23- Grateful for my daughter's newest obsession - Gala apples.  I'm always happy when she adds another healthy item to her limited eating repertoire. 
Nov. 24- Grateful for my family, especially those that are not with us today.  I'm very blessed to be part of such a tight knit family, a group that truly enjoys each other's company.  I'm also thankful for the hilarity a turkey pinata adds to the traditional Thanksgiving celebrations.

Riley and Lexi and the iPad

Nov. 25 - Grateful for the friendship my sweet nieces offer to my daughter.  As an only child, they provide her with a sense of what it would be like to have siblings, and she just adores them (as do I).  I'm so grateful that we can spend time with them this weekend.
Nov. 26- Grateful for the truly excellent sleep I've had for the past three nights.  I sleep better at my Dad's home than anywhere else on earth, and three days of that type of rest will hold me for several weeks.  I always leave there with a rested and happy heart.


Things are good.
Things are just really, really good.
I'm so very Thankful. 

Beating the Heat

Riley and I spent the past weekend in Idaho, enjoying time with family over the long holiday weekend.

It was hot, but we found some fun ways to beat the heat...

Keith and Karlee

Becky

Riley

Riley again (I know, I know, but I think this one is hilarious!)

Joey

Me!
Shawnee went for it, broken arm and all!

Ambrie
Even Sara got in on the slip-n-slide action (today is her due date - this woman ROCKS!)

Nic - just chillin'

Me and Keith (who says kiddie pools are just for kiddies?)

(she'll kill me for this photo one day)

We had such a great time playing in the water all afternoon, and it really did help make a very hot day tolerable. It's rare for Idaho days to get that warm, but I'm glad we made the best of it - and I have decided I must own my very own slip-n-slide soon.

Sunday night brain scramble

*Wow. Where did June go? Seriously...wasn't Memorial Day weekend last week?

*Wanna see what Riley and I cooked up for breakfast this morning?
They were her idea and so yummy. Try not to be jealous. Come on over, and we'll make it for you, too.

*I'm finding that going through the process of selling my condo is by far one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever had to do. I do not like having people I don't know in my space. I do not like keeping all my personal stuff packed away, so people can imagine themselves in an impersonal, neutral condo. I do not like getting calls and texts from a realtor every day (Don't get me wrong, my agent is great. I just don't like thinking about this stuff all the time.) I don't mind keeping it "show ready" (i thought I would) but let's just say I hope this process is done and over very, VERY soon.

*I need some new workout music. Badly. If you have any suggestions, send them my way.

*I've noticed that my summer reading list consists of much lighter topics than any other time of the year. It must be that "summer-beach-reading" mode has been permanently burned into my DNA because I am plowing through mystery novels, re-reading old favorites, and enjoying new light, easy reads. I have simply put aside the idea that I am going to get to anything of substance any time soon. Again, all summer book reading suggestions are welcome.

*I booked the flights for an October trip to Disneyland/SeaWorld for me and my girl. We will be meeting my sister and her husband and the twinners there, and I am so excited (didn't ever expect to say that about a trip to Disneyland, but whatever.) Telling Riley this early may have been a mistake. She is already planning her princess outfits.

*Speaking of my sister and her men, they will all arrive at my place on Wednesday (insert shouts of delight here!) It's my grandfather's 80th birthday party this weekend, so they are traveling in for that and will stick around for the holiday weekend. We will all head to Idaho to later this week celebrate his birthday, the birthday's of two of my nieces, and the fourth of July. I can't wait for a weekend of family, parties, parades and my favorite kiddos ever!

*As if that is not enough, two of my best friends will be in town over the next few weeks, as well. Hannah is coming in on the Eighth, and Cameron and her Jersey brood arrive late tonight. I can't wait to catch up with these ladies and see their families.

*Did I mention I'm getting a new nephew sometime in the next couple of weeks? I cannot wait to meet him. Maybe he'll make his debut while we are up there (here's hoping!)

*July is going to fly by as fast as June did, but I'm not complaining. There is a lot of good stuff happening around here.

What's on your mind tonight? What good things are happening in your world?

St. Patrick's Day Randomness

- - My cell phone and my iPod decided to crash within about 2 days of each other. I decided to take this as a sign from the Universe to upgrade to an iPhone. So far - I really like it. Being a Mac girl through and through, this brings everything into one place. It's so convenient! And my photographer's heart beats a little faster whenever I play with all the photo apps. The funny part about getting an iPhone was that G was way more excited about it than I was. So it's only fitting that the first iPhone pic on my blog is of her, no?

- -I am experiencing a major case of writer's block, only not in my traditional sense. I have plenty - tons, in fact- of ideas and words and poems and essays floating around in my head. I'm even dreaming in written words. I just can't seem to organize any of them into any sort of consumable fashion. I'm just going with the flow and letting them show up how and when and where they may, but the result of this approach is an assortment of stanzas of poetry written on grocery store receipts and texts to myself that have ideas for other work. I know that, at some point, they'lll come together. I'm learning to trust my own creative process.

- - I ate this for breakfast today. This was after I gave myself a lecture about healthy, nutrient filled breakfasts to fuel my workouts last night. Healthy choice, no?

But dang -- it was GOOD!

- -Speaking of workouts, I've increased my training even more recently (added miles to my runs and am swimming and weight training more), and I'm beginning to see the signs that go along with these changes. For me, the first thing I see is a definite increase in my appetite. I know that sounds fun, but when you are hungry all the time, and you need to eat good, high quality, fresh foods, it takes lots of planning and organization and it can be sort of annoying. The other thing I notice is that when I'm tired, I AM TIRED. Tonight, I'm tired. It's off to bed after I finish this post.

- - Riley's class tried to catch a Leprechaun today. They didn't quite succeed, but the little guy did leave her some Leprechaun Gold while she was taking a nap. She's rather excited about it.

- -My ex-husband is Irish, which is where my kiddo gets her reddish hair and fair complexion. He usually celebrates the day up right, and that used to be fun, but I'm happy to be home with my kiddo tonight. She's keeping me entertained by performing this little groove.



- - Riley is going to be with her Dad this entire weekend, and I am heading north to enjoy one more snow-filled weekend before spring sets in for good. I am really looking forward to the long, solo drive (best time for me to really dig into my own brain), and getting out to do some XC skiing and snowshoeing. I'm also planning some quality time with my camera. The logical part of my brain keeps trying to shut this plan down in favor of staying home and working on my kitchen, but my heart is shouting at me to go. I'm listening.

Recipe for New Years Eve -- Riley-style

Start with several cups of hot chocolate (extra whipped cream, please.)
Add in some quality time with the pink Zhu-Zhu pet.
Combine with one homemade pizza with a pepperoni smiley face (for the Girl) and mushroom and onion hair (for mama).
Finish off with several rousing games of CandyLand (guess who won them all...)
I'm really not a fan of New Year's Eve, and this year was super cold, so this is the perfect way for us to spend my evening. She's the perfect New Year's Eve date (despite the many wardrobe changes.)

I hope your New Years was safe and festive.
Happy New Years, ya'll.

*Miscellany*

**This is the first year that Riley has really been into the holidays, and it's also the year that my condo is getting new windows. I don't really want to decorate if I'm going to have to tear it all down for the windows, but I don't want to NOT decorate when she's so excited for it. Still not sure what to do.
**Speaking of holidays, Riley is *loving* the holiday cartoons and tv shows. We're watching Rudolph right now...the one where the elf wants to be a dentist. It's cuter than I remember, even though she thinks that Abominable Snowman is a white monkey.
**This is my view from my downtown office. It's more impressive on sunny days, but I enjoy it all the time.
**When I asked Riley what she learned in church on Sunday, she replied that 'Jesus was a nice man who wore a dress,' and that 'men who wear dresses are nice.' I can't argue with any of her logic, so I figured she's right on track.
**We're making another batch of Chex Mix tonight. Riley calls it 'oatmeal' and she prefers to eat for breakfast. I figure that it's mostly cereal, so it's all good.
**It's a few weeks early, but Santa brought me new backpacking boots and snowshoes. Merry Christmas to me!
**My morning yoga practice is quickly becoming a mandatory part of the day. It sets me up mentally like nothing else.
**I don't know what I'd do without my go-to "man thought and action" translator. Thanks, Vin. You certainly do rock.
**I hate wearing socks. I really do.

**Randomness**

**While I do not love the normal holidays (I think New Years, Christmas, etc. are WAY overrated) I do love me a summer holiday weekend that involves no stress and an extra day off of work. This weekend is the long Pioneer Day Holiday here in Utah, and I am celebrating by doing a whole lot of nothing. Today, I slept in (for me), went for an awesome bike ride, took a nap, took a drive, read a book, and watched "Sleeping Beauty" and "Alice in Wonderland". Tomorrow is more of the same, although I promised the girl we'd make cupcakes. She's very into cupcakes these days, as you can see in the above photo.

**My condo is back on the market. I've spent a lot of time going through everything, getting rid of stuff I don't need or want and really paring down to what I need and love. Consequently, it's much easier to keep in "ready to show" shape. I've been wanting to move for a while now, I'm still feeling like it's time for new digs, and the housing market seems to agree with me. Everyone send me good house selling and buying energy - please and thank you. :)

**I have a whole bunch of fun stuff coming up in the next few weeks- a trip to Portland, a weekend in Bear Lake with old friends, tickets to the Lion King, a triathlon or two, and househunting (which I have always hated before but am having so much fun with now). It's also an intense couple of weeks, work-wise, which I actually enjoy. Life is moving at a fairly quick pace these days, and I'm content to twirl around in the chaos and enjoy myself madly.

**I know that money doesn't grow on trees, but apparently, in Riley's world, it grows in flowerpots. I noticed the other day that she planted nickels and dimes in all our little flower pots. I still haven't gotten rid of the coins because it makes me smile to see evidence of how her mind functions. Too bad her plan won't work.

**I'm trying to pare down bedtime from the two hour ordeal it is now. Any suggestions?

**My friend Jenica had the most awesome pair of jeans on last night, which has made me start jonesing for fall clothes and fall weather. I'm not a clotheshorse at all, not even a little bit, but man, I love jeans that fit perfectly and the weather that lets you wear them comfortably. Good stuff.

**I've been adding in some yoga to my workouts, and I am really noticing the benefits. I enjoy it much more when I practice in a studio rather than at home, and fitting their schedule into mine isn't always easy, but I am trying to make it a priority.

**Riley's favorite treat lately is corn-nuts. Yep, corn-nuts. Isn't that odd?

**I'm trying to find effective 'green' household cleaner recipes. If you know of any, will you please share?

Grateful for....

*My daughter -for the joy, the motivation and the chaos she brings into my world.

*My family- for the love, the laughter and the support they offer up every day.

*My friends-old and new, near and far, here and there and everywhere. I have truly been blessed with the best friends in the world.

*My job – work that allows me to flex my brain, stretch and grow, make a difference. Lots of people like their job- I LOVE mine. Lucky me.

*My bicycles – My bikes have been my salvation this year. I have yet to find a problem that didn’t solve itself, as long as I keep pedaling.

*The words – they keep coming, day after day, allowing me to share my story and open my life up to others.

*Squam – Where, once again, I found peace, serenity, love and magic. I’m so glad I went. It continues to fill my soul with inspiration and appreciation.

*Water – much healing and solace has been found following the black line. It’s hard to believe I used to be afraid.

*The small ones in my life – my nieces and nephews are constant sources of amusement and love. They deserve their own mention here.

*Faith – it’s a little different than what I thought it would be, but it’s there. And it’s lovely.

*Strength – I have found more of this inside myself than I ever thought I had. Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual - I am strong, and, for that, I am grateful.

*Joy – I often find myself twirling around in a ridiculous haze of happiness and bliss. I am grateful to have a life full of what brings me joy.

Wishing you and yours a happy Thanksgiving.

Choices

It's Thanksgiving today, and it is the first holiday since Riley was born that I have not had her with me. Although I didn't expect it, this has been very hard on me. I love my little girl more than anything, but I also very much enjoy the time I have to myself when she is with her dad. I expected today to be more of that enjoyment, but instead it has been bittersweet...a day to be grateful for the many good things in my life, while missing the one person for whom I am the most grateful.

Because the weather has been somewhat decent today, I chose to get a little more biking in before the snow hits and this becomes impossible. Doing something physical seems to allow my mind the space needed to work itself through whatever it has been wrestling with, and today was no exception. I started to think about the choices that I've made that led me to a point where I was punishing myself on a cold, unforgiving trail on Thanksgiving day, instead of cozied up in my house, surrounded by the sounds and scents of the holiday, enjoying time with my kiddo and family.

I thought the holidays of past years; savored the memories of those particularly sweet, felt icy tears freeze on my cheeks when remembering a few that still sting. And then, in typical Amy fashion, I started questioning myself. For being lonely without my daughter, for being upset over things that I think shouldn't matter anymore, for not being good enough, for not being grateful enough. And then, thankfully, the authentic voice that I've learned to trust showed up, and over the next two or three miles, reminded me that its ok to miss those we love when they aren't here, that its ok to acknowledge that things are hard, and that I am good enough for whatever I need to be right now. With the comfort of that voice echoing through my thoughts, my mind started thinking again about the choices that led me there, and I decided to let some of this junk go.

We make choices based on what we know about ourselves and those in our lives and the world around us at the time, but it's always based on incomplete information. We can't know what might be around the next corner, or what someone else is really thinking, or how things might change overnight, so we take what we know and roll the dice. We make our choices and we take our chances and we get what we get. Sometimes we are handed the most painful, heart-wrenching experiences we can imagine and sometimes we are handed pure spirit and love wrapped up in a blond haired, blue eyed baby girl.

I thought more about this conclusion as I showered off the mud and slush of the ride, and prepared to meet some of my family for the traditional thanksgiving meal. If I could, would I make any different choices? Would I trade this somewhat lonely holiday for anything different, knowing that might mean a different life, different child, different circumstances?

I put away my helmet and caught sight of her winter coat and mittens. My shoes were set to rest by her singing guitar and favorite doll. I moved a small pink sock off the dining room table and gathered up her assorted sippy cups that are always strewn around the house. And I thought that the choices I made led me up to a life where I'm her mama, where I get the priviledge of finding the other sock and washing the sippy cups, but also teaching her right from wrong and how to read and how to love. I get the effusive hugs in the morning. I get to kiss away the hurts that come with learning to live. I get to hear her babble in her sleep and softly sigh as she begins to wake. For me, there is not other choice.

And for such a life, I am thankful.