What I want to tell you about 5th and G

I want to tell you so much about this beautiful space, now that I've said goodbye and moved on.  I want to tell you how it held me through some of my darkest trials, it's walls providing refuge from the storms I faced outside.  I want to tell you how I learned about my own unexpected talents and strength through my efforts in making it beautiful; how my hands placed the floor boards and the tile, how my arms and shoulders ached after scraping and patching and repairing the walls and ceilings.  I want to tell you how the colors on the walls reflected so much of what was in my heart at the time - red when I was aching and bleeding.  Yellow when I'd spun into crazy happiness and a type of manic joy. Blue when a peaceful calm had seeped and spread it's way into my soul.

I want to tell you how the walls held my daughter's laughter and the sounds of new friendships being born.  I want to tell you how those happy sounds chased away the heartache that was held there.  I want to tell you how I opened my windows every night, no matter how cold or hot the outside temperature, because bringing the outside in felt critical to my comfort.  I want to tell you how much I grew to love some of the people who lived around me, their friendships crossing boundaries into family.  I want to tell you how those bonds are still strong, long after we've all moved in different directions.

I want to tell you how I loved to watch the morning light spread over and around the various rooms.  I want to tell you how I will always picture my sweet dog wandering through the house, chasing that light so he could lie down and sleep in the sun.  I want to tell you how many nights the dark held a kind of refuge for me, a place where I could finally, finally give in to whatever emotion had been too long inside - worry, anger, grief or when I simply needed the oblivion that sleep would bring.  I want to tell you that I loved there, I laughed there,  I ached there.   I danced there, I cried there, I grew there.  I was broken open and I healed there.  I lived there.  And I loved living there.

I want to tell you that although I loved living there, when it was time to go, the Universe moved me along in a hurry.  I want to tell you that the perfect home showed up for me and my Girl almost immediately, and despite the hurried move and a couple of minor inconveniences, everything pretty much fell into place in exactly the time and way it needed to.  I want to tell you that I left our 5th and G home with no strings to hold my heart there, no regrets and no reason for any wishing or wanting.  I want to tell you that I got what I needed there, and when our time there was done,  I was ready to find our next home.  I want to tell you that when the time came, I moved on in simple and very sweet gratitude for the comfort, the peace and the home it was for us and excitement for our new place to be in this world. 

Last day at 5th and G.  Leaving with the peace that came after saying "thank you."

My Happy Place

See this closet?  (pardon the very poor lighting and composition.)

This closet used to contain an awkward storage unit, a weirdly placed clothes bar that didn't actually fit anything well, and some odd sized shelves.  I had pretty much just left it alone- storing my biking, hiking and ski gear there and writing it off as a poor design decision someone else made, and an issue that I didn't want to deal with. 

Then, over Labor Day weekend, I was itching for a little DIY project and this closet was where my mind landed.  I have wanted a dedicated space where I could spread out whatever project I was working on for quite a while, and I realized that, with the right modifications, this closet might fit the bill perfectly. 

So I did some serious deconstruction work - those organizers and shelves were screwed, nailed and glued into the wall (I guess whoever put them in really didn't want them to come out).  Then I did some serious reconstruction work- I basically ended up tearing down to the sheet rock in most places, the deconstruction causing a couple of large holes in others.  I ended up patching, taping, mudding, texturing, priming and painting the closet walls before they looked right. 

Then I hung new shelves, added a table that fit the space, figured out some lighting options (although this will be upgraded in the near future) and moved my supplies into their new home. 

And.....VOILA! 

  

It doesn't look like much, but I now have a perfectly appointed space where I can sew, craft, work on jewelry, paint, whatever....

I spend a lot of my time here these days.  I am really enjoying having somewhere I can let my creative juices run wild, and the best part is that if I leave an in-process project spread out, l can shut the doors from curious little four year old hands.  

I didn't expect to enjoy this closet re-do as much as I have, but I have found that I'm more apt to work on things now that I have the space to do them without leaving a huge mess around the rest of my condo.  

Who knew?

I love it when a project comes together even better than I expected. 

5 (good) things!

Thankfully, the hullabaloo that accompanies a four-year-old's birthday party is over (pics to come soon!), and now I am in the post party cleanup, catch-up-on-everything-else stage. The nice thing about this is that it gives me a chance to reflect on what's going on in my life, and to be grateful for the good things. I have a lot, but for tonight, here are a few of those good things.

1. I have the best sister in law ever. No, seriously - E.V.E.R. I can't even begin to count how many times she has kept me from crossing over into insanity, and she did it again this weekend. She helped me pull together all the details of Riley's birthday, and while I was at a work commitment the night before the party, she made three dozen cupcakes for me so I wouldn't be up until 3 am. She's a keeper, I tell ya. Jamie- Thank you for everything you do for me and for Riley. We sure do love you!

Jamie with Karlee and Riley, July 2011

2. Since I'm staying put in my condo for a while, I've decided to make over my bedroom. I've given myself a pretty decent budget (in my opinion), and am going to make it into exactly the space I want it to be. The last time I had a bedroom that was exactly what I wanted was in high school, and I am more excited about this than is actually reasonable. Oh well - I'm allowed, right? I'm getting started this week with some closet deconstruction and reconstruction, then painting a new color and getting new bedding and whatnot. I hope to be done by the time labor day weekend is over.

3. The Girl received a set of different card games for her birthday, and I've spent a good portion of today teaching her to play 'Go Fish' and 'Crazy Eights'. It's so fun to watch her try to strategize her way through these types of games. She's pretty good at Go Fish, Crazy Eights baffles her every time, but the one game she can beat me at every time - Memory Match. Really! She has an amazing photographic memory and can kick my trash every time we play.

Go Fish

4. So far, it seems like all my east coast friends weathered the hurricane safely and with minimal problems. There are a couple I haven't heard from yet, but it seems like they are ok from their facebook and twitter updates. I'm so grateful for their safety, and for the technology that helps us keep tabs on each other quickly and easily.

5. I have some major creative energy going these days. I love how it feels to be in this mode, and to have that mojo carry over into other areas of life. My brain is exploding with a bunch of ideas and I am actually making the time to execute them. It's a good thing, and I've found it is so important in helping me stay open and centered.

What's good in your life tonight?

Domestic Goodness

Little known scientific 'fact': when you spend all spring working on a kitchen update, it triggers some sort of 'domesticity gene' and you end up spending the summer indulging yourself in all sorts of household goodness.

A few of the latest examples:

Jam
Last week, one of my favorite people EVER was in town, and we spent a lovely Saturday morning turning this:

into this:
Hannah taught me the art of making jam, and I gotta say...it's mighty satisfying. We did a couple of batches of low-sugar apricot together and then I tried my hand at raspberry-blackberry later that evening. I was going to put a photo of Hannah from that morning up, but she was not feeling her best *ahem*. So, you can just see me making the second batch of apricot. I can't wait to make more.
DIY cleaning products
This next endeavor started out as a way to try to keep my little girl's sensitive skin away from harsh chemicals. I noticed that every time I cleaned my bathtub, no matter how well I rinsed it, Riley ended up with a bit of skin irritation after she bathed. I did some research on more natural cleaning methods and started cleaning the tubs and sinks using baking soda as a scrub and a vinegar rinse. Worked like magic on my tub, kept my drains very clear, and her skin was much less irritated. So I did some more research and expanded my new ways so much that I basically got rid of all commercial cleaning products and am now using only the items in this photo to clean my entire house.
(the one exception is dishwasher detergent. I'm going to start making my own after I use up what I have left.) I'm even making my own powdered laundry detergent out of borax, washing soda and ivory soap, and I am in love with it. Besides cleaning as well or better than any commercial detergent I've ever used (seriously - it got out the very worst stains easily) my skin is less dry, Riley's skin is not irritated at all, it's really easy to make, and it is super inexpensive. I estimated it to be about 7.5 cents per load (yes, I did the calculations. I'm that big of a numbers geek).

Salvaged Chair (aka glorified dumpster diving)
In my city, they do a neighborhood cleanup times when people put out things to be taken away, recycled, etc. by city workers. I happened to be driving through my neighborhood when I saw a chair that was dirty, yes, but the lines were amazing.

I thought about it all day. I could not understand why anyone would toss that chair when it was so gorgeous.

That night, Hannah and G were at my house, and around midnight, Hannah and I went and 'liberated' the chair. Here it is in all it's dirty glory.

Since then, I've had it professionally cleaned and it made a world of difference. Once I got it home, I realized it was in really solid shape and the fabric pattern is so cool. I'm looking into ways to dye it so I can keep the fabric, but in the meantime, I'm enjoying a cool, retro chair and Ican now say that I'm one of those people who will steal other people's trash.

I'm a homebody at heart, and I'm really enjoying the time I've been spending making my home more comfortable and authentic. I feel like doing these kinds of things are right in line with my values of simple living, cultivating a healthy lifestyle, being mindful of the earth and being thrifty.

This domestic goddess thing...it's a lot of fun! Who knew?

Operation UK: Finished!

working on a ceiling patch (photo by my mom)

After almost six months of working on my kitchen, I am happy (and relieved) to report that I put the final touches on this project yesterday. Over the course of this undertaking, walls were knocked down, cabinets were refinished and re-hung, ceilings and walls were patched and textured and painted. As this moved along, it prompted a bit of freshening throughout the rest of my house. I painted the main bathroom a soft, lilting blue and my hallway, entryway and living room a dreamy, gentle gray called day spa (I mean, really….who doesn’t want to live in a day spa?) I’ve been living in chaos for quite some time, with half-finished walls and cabinets missing here and there, but now that it’s all done and pulled together, the end result is really lovely - serene, inviting and calm.

One part of this process that surprised me is how much physical and mental work actually went into this makeover, and how empowering it is to know that, for the most part, I did it myself. I spent hours sanding and smoothing and refinishing. I wired the new lighting fixtures. I learned how to patch holes in sheet-rock. I now know how to mix joint compound. I can tape and texture a wall. I primed and prepped and painted. Me. I did it. By myself. In my limited spare time. Often with a three year old little girl as my “helper”. I’m pretty damn proud of myself and how this project turned out.

The process of working on my condo helped me to recognize a pattern in my life. I like order and organization. A lot. I need it just to keep on top of things in my busy, sometimes chaotic life. But occasionally (ok, often) this need for order and organization makes me reluctant to make the kind of changes that will bring me closer to where I want to be, because I know that usually these changes will result in a mandatory period of messiness that just has to be lived through and dealt with. It’s part of the process. Over the past six months, my house has very often been a disaster, but with time and patience and steady effort, the disaster found it’s way back to order and the clarity and serenity that were waiting to be uncovered.

I can see how my life has often echoed this pattern: chaos occurs, tears have been shed, patience has been applied, work has been done, and eventually, peace has been restored. My house is currently on the peace end of that spectrum, but there are other parts of my life that are messy- we all have those messy parts, right? Working on this big home project helped me to learn to embrace the mess, to respect it as part of the process of digging out and moving onwards and upwards. It's a work in progress, but I’m trying not to let the fear of disorder and disarray discourage me from moving through the mess to arrive what I really want.

Now that this whole project is done, the paintbrushes are put away and the floors are swept, I’ve decided that it’s time to move on from this place that I’ve lived in and loved for nine years. It’s time for more space for Riley and for me and it’s time to embrace the mess that comes with shutting down this chapter of my life and starting a new one. Even though I love how it turned out, and even though I put my blood and sweat into this little project, it’s finally time for me to find a new home for Riley and me. I listed my condo on the MLS this morning and I’m hoping to move in the next few months - I really think the new kitchen look will help it move quickly for a decent price.

I took what was a little bit messy and in need of some elbow grease, and I made it beautiful and functional. I made a lot of messes, created a bunch of chaos, and I put all the pieces in place. I've learned a lot through this process - both about home maintenance and myself, and I'm so grateful for the experience. Still, it's time to let go and move on to bigger and better spaces. It's time.

After view. See the "before" photos here.

What's going on around here

A quick update on what's been going on around here:

Riley
After a week of being super-sick, Riley is almost back on top of her game. She's been much better this week, but she's still not operating at 100%. She continues to be more tired than normal and is a wee bit irritable, which is not the norm for my sunny, happy little one. I'm confident she's on the mend, however, and will be back to herself very soon.

Me
After being out of work most of last week with a sick girl, this week has been all about digging out, getting back on top of things at work and at home. It always amazes me how everything just seems to drop when you have a sick little one. I've been really focused and productive at work this week, and I think I'm pretty much caught up there, which is good because there are some really busy weeks ahead and I hate going into a busy time already behind. I'm digging my way out at home, as well, and I am grateful that Riley is with her dad this weekend so I have some time and space to really get things done. With any luck, I'll have some time left to do some cross country skiing, too.

Op: UK
My work on the kitchen was way-laid for a while by the sickies, but it's back on. This week, I took the first big step and had a wall cut out. Where you once saw this:
You now see this (ignore the construction chaos):
If you are looking into my kitchen from the dining area, you see this:
It's so much more open than it was before. I can stand at my stove and see the whole living and dining room. It's fantastic! I've also removed cabinet doors and sanded down the frames on one side. I started painting the cabinet frames and the walls behind the refrigerator and the stove tonight. It's coming. Slowly, slowly, but it's coming along. I still can't decide on countertops, though. I keep going between the less expensive IKEA butcher block (which I like and looks nice) and just springing for solid surface (which I really like but is significantly more expensive). Any opinions out there?

The unexpected benefit to working on my kitchen is the chance to thoroughly and completely deep clean it. I pulled my fridge out to clean and paint behind it, which I haven't done in, oh... you know....ever (don't judge me) and it was horrifying and strangely satisfying. I'm currently degreasing and de-gunkifying my oven hood (the filters are soaking while I post this). And I solemnly swear that I'll buy oven cleaner tomorrow so it doesn't feel left out. It's sorta like I'm spring cleaning early, but in all reality I never spring clean because by the time spring comes, I just want to ride my bike. But I digress...

That's what's happening over here this week. It's been a full, busy, somewhat overwhelming week and I'm glad to have it over and to have my weekend stretching out before me. I hope your's is fabulous.

Operation: Update Kitchen 2011

I've been thinking about launching Operation: Update Kitchen for a while, but a pesky little pipe burst incident last week ruined my kitchen floor, and so Op: UK 2011 (oooooh, heeeey...that's so British. Maybe Daniel Craig will come help me on this project. Or the hot English guy who works at Barnes and Noble...but I digress) has been moved from a "someday-soon" project to a "right-now" project. Actually, this is probably good timing because the cold is keeping us home and indoors more than usual, and a big project might be just the thing to keep me busy. (oh, who am I kidding? I need another project like I need another three-year-old, but whatever. It's time to get this done.)

My kitchen is a teeeeeeny-tiny galley style kitchen, and you'd thing this would make it easier, but in fact it makes it more difficult because everything has to be efficient and practical and space saving. It's the first thing you see when you walk into my condo, so I want it to be friendly and fun, yet easy to keep neat and clean. I already have nice stainless appliances, so the necessary updates are mainly cosmetic, which require either paying someone to do the work for me, or doing it myself. Since a trip to Hawaii is calling my name for April and Riley and I are spending time back east in June, I'm opting for DIY.
To make this more fun for myself and to keep me motivated, I'm issuing myself a little challenge. And I'm posting it here to keep myself accountable.

The Op: UK 2011 challenge is as follows:

• As much as is possible, the current kitchen materials will be re-used or repurposed (I'm keeping it green, folks.)
  
• I will do as much of the work as is possible, but will gladly accept friends and family's help. I'll probably hire out having the floor tiled, because I just don't even want to deal with that.
• I'm allotting myself the total $$ of the insurance payout for the floor (minus the plumbing fees) plus $500 to do this project. The insurance was more than fair, but it's still a lot of work to do on a limited budget, so I'll have to be careful.
  
• I still have to maintain a functioning kitchen, so it's going to be important to have a strategy for what is done, when.
  
• This project has to be done by April 1, 2011. Because April is about when biking season ramps back up and, let's face it, I'm not gonna be working on my kitchen when I could be on my bike.

Sounds like fun, right?

So what do I need to do?

• Cut out this corner, so my kitchen opens up to my living room. This is something I've wanted to do for a while, and I think it will make a big difference in the room.
  

• refinish the cabinets. I've already started stripping and sanding.

• Paint the walls (depending on what color the cabinets end up, the walls will either be white or blue).

• install new countertops (probably IKEA butcher block).
  
• install open shelving over the refrigerator.
  
• new lighting.
• new tile floors.
• new kitchen faucet. Because I hate the one I have right now.
  

I think it's doable. And I think it will be great to have it done and out of the way. My plan is to update here every week or so, provided some progress was made. Can't wait to get it underway.

Five for Friday (What's on my mind tonight)

1. Photography - I've been reading books on it, signed up for some classes in January (from the fantastically talented and super-cool Alisha Stamper), and am trying to better understand how all the elements come together into the image you were trying to capture. I see it as such a great way to capture how my life looks, and I just want to be better at it.

2. Travel - Hawaii in April. New Jersey/New York in June. New Hampshire in September. A few trips to California in there somewhere. Mmmmmm......I love thinking about the people and places I'll be seeing soon.

3. My Kitchen - Now that operation "buy a new house" became operation "keep the condo and play more instead of spend more", I am really trying to decide what to do with my kitchen. It's tiny, but I want it to be functional, colorful and easy to keep organized and clean. And I need to keep it relatively inexpensive. Time to gather ideas, look into options, and prepare for some manual labor. After the holidays are over, it's on.

4. Poetry - The focus of a lot of my writing lately has been poetry. It's such a satisfying genre and I find it to be such an intimate form of self-expression. I've just started a poetry collaboration with Amy H.W. and it's a fun, less threatening way to open that up for someone else to read. I'm trying to summon up the courage and be brave enough to post some work here. We'll see.

5. Working Out -Between not being able to cycle (too cold) and not being able to run (injured hip flexor) I'm really struggling with motivation. I'm still putting the time in, but it's a struggle every day. Part of it is because I can't do my favorite workouts, part of it is boredom with what I can do (elliptical, spinning, swimming, Zumba, weights), and part of it is the typical holiday/winter blah. What i need to do is figure out how to get outside more. Yes, that's exactly what I need to do...Snowshoe, snowboard, XC skiing...ok, how to do that with work and a three year old...? Hmmmmmm.

Grateful for Home Sweet Home

There has been a Blizzard warning in effect for Utah today, which resulted in me being sent home from work early. The advice was to get out, get what you need for a few days, get your family home, and stay put. Um....OK!

I love being at home, so an enforced "night-in" is just fine with me. My condo is small, and it's usually cluttered with the various 'stuff' that accompanies a three year old, but It's where I am the most comfortable and where I am the happiest.
After about 30 minutes of snowfall

Riley and I arrived home around 3:00 this afternoon, and we've been hanging out since. We've watched ELF, had a dance party, made chex mix, cleaned out the entry-way closet, made huge messes in other rooms doing 'art', ran some laundry, and read a stack of books. We also paid a visit to Beckie and Madi, our upstairs neighbors, and saw their pet rat Olive, and her six tiny babies (cute, but still sorta creepy). We wound the day up with a rousing game of Riley's version of memory and then it was bathtime, PJ's, and 'Ratatouille'.
Riley got up the courage to pet Olive, as long as Madi held her.

Beckie holding one of the cute rat babies.

Part of her 'memory' strategy - - laying down on the cards.
The wind started in fiercely around 5:00 and the snow began not long after that. We won't be going anywhere anytime soon, but I don't mind. We're safe. We're happy. We have everything we need. For this-a home I love that gives us a safe, warm place to land-I am grateful.

Weekend at home

As I was driving back to Salt Lake City today after a relaxing weekend with family, I spent some time reflecting on why it is that I always feel incredibly centered and very peaceful after time in Idaho.

It might be the traffic we encounter: Or maybe the people we spend our time with:

Or the scenery we pass by, evidence of hard work and simple existence:
It could be the way I spent my Saturday morning:
Or the way we celebrated Saturday night:


Whatever it is, I've learned not to question it. When my whole heart and soul is longing for somewhere that is comfortable, that is easy, that is gentle and that is healing...this is where I go.

This is home.

Home Sweet Home (an open letter to the Universe)

Dear Universe,

I'm sure by now you've seen the "for sale" sign out in front of my condo. You've probably gathered that it's time for me to move on, to find a new place to live after calling this place home for almost 9 years.

I have loved this home, loved it entirely. Within these walls, I've grown so firmly into myself. Here is where I held the idea of a "normal" home and family close, here is where that dream was shattered, and here is where a new dream, a better one, took roots and flourished. It's where I learned to forgive, to let go, and to move on. Here is where I became a mother, where I walked the halls with a screaming baby, sobbing because I didn't know what to do to make her stop and because I felt so helpless and alone. Here is where, only a few months later, I laughed and clapped as I watched her take her first steps down the same corridor. I've watched many sunrises out my bedroom window, some seen after getting up early to start another day and others viewed as I finally laid down to rest, tired from staying up all night reading, writing, soothing, talking, crying, laughing. This home has been a sanctuary, not just for me, but for others who have needed it's comfort and security and a refuge for friends to gather. Within these walls, I've been hurt, been built up, fallen out of love, fallen into it again, shaped my own future and began teaching my daughter how to shape hers. This is where my greatest fears were faced down, my bloodiest battles fought, and my sweetest victories realized. Yes, I have loved living here. And now it's time for someone new to occupy this little corner of the world.

It's time for me to move on, to a new space that will let me continue to stretch and grow, that will give Riley the space she needs to learn and grow. I'm busy looking, Universe, I'm doing the work, but I'd really appreciate your assistance in finding the right place. What I'm looking for is a safe, convenient location, preferably within Salt Lake City proper. I need at least 3 bedrooms, preferably 4, and at least 2 full bathrooms. I want plenty of living space and a decent sized kitchen. I'm leaning towards a townhouse with minimal maintenance, but I still need a small yard and patio area. I need a garage (it's Utah, after all) with room for my jeep and my bikes and my paddleboard (and room for the 'cross bike I'm going to buy this fall adn the kayak I need to get next spring). I'd really like plenty of light and big windows, and a view of the amazing mountains wouldn't hurt. Friendly neighborhoods with kids are a plus and a HOA with a swimming pool gets big points.

So what do you think, Universe? Can you help the right person find my condo and help me find the right home? I'm certain it's out there, and as noted above, I've been looking. Still, sooner is better than later and I'm ready and waiting (and pre-approved!) So let's get on the ball and find my new house. mmmmmkay?

As always, I'm so appreciative of the many good things you've steered my way. I know this is another one of them, so let's get a move on.

Sincerely yours,
Amy

**Randomness**

**While I do not love the normal holidays (I think New Years, Christmas, etc. are WAY overrated) I do love me a summer holiday weekend that involves no stress and an extra day off of work. This weekend is the long Pioneer Day Holiday here in Utah, and I am celebrating by doing a whole lot of nothing. Today, I slept in (for me), went for an awesome bike ride, took a nap, took a drive, read a book, and watched "Sleeping Beauty" and "Alice in Wonderland". Tomorrow is more of the same, although I promised the girl we'd make cupcakes. She's very into cupcakes these days, as you can see in the above photo.

**My condo is back on the market. I've spent a lot of time going through everything, getting rid of stuff I don't need or want and really paring down to what I need and love. Consequently, it's much easier to keep in "ready to show" shape. I've been wanting to move for a while now, I'm still feeling like it's time for new digs, and the housing market seems to agree with me. Everyone send me good house selling and buying energy - please and thank you. :)

**I have a whole bunch of fun stuff coming up in the next few weeks- a trip to Portland, a weekend in Bear Lake with old friends, tickets to the Lion King, a triathlon or two, and househunting (which I have always hated before but am having so much fun with now). It's also an intense couple of weeks, work-wise, which I actually enjoy. Life is moving at a fairly quick pace these days, and I'm content to twirl around in the chaos and enjoy myself madly.

**I know that money doesn't grow on trees, but apparently, in Riley's world, it grows in flowerpots. I noticed the other day that she planted nickels and dimes in all our little flower pots. I still haven't gotten rid of the coins because it makes me smile to see evidence of how her mind functions. Too bad her plan won't work.

**I'm trying to pare down bedtime from the two hour ordeal it is now. Any suggestions?

**My friend Jenica had the most awesome pair of jeans on last night, which has made me start jonesing for fall clothes and fall weather. I'm not a clotheshorse at all, not even a little bit, but man, I love jeans that fit perfectly and the weather that lets you wear them comfortably. Good stuff.

**I've been adding in some yoga to my workouts, and I am really noticing the benefits. I enjoy it much more when I practice in a studio rather than at home, and fitting their schedule into mine isn't always easy, but I am trying to make it a priority.

**Riley's favorite treat lately is corn-nuts. Yep, corn-nuts. Isn't that odd?

**I'm trying to find effective 'green' household cleaner recipes. If you know of any, will you please share?