Indecisive

I'm usually a really decisive person.
I form hypotheses.
I gather data.
I examine the evidence.
I form preliminary opinions.
I do a gut-check.
I make the decision.
I move forward with putting it into action.
Done.

Easy-breezy, no?

NO!

At least, not lately....

For some reason, I have been going back and forth about selling my condo for months. MONTHS. Actually, for years. I know that my family is sick of hearing about it and my friends have just started to laugh at me about it. But I seriously CANNOT make a decision about this.

This started clear back when I was first divorced. Do I stay or do I move? I decided to stay put because I had a brand new baby and was way too overloaded to even consider buying and selling.

Then, about every four months, like clockwork, I would get the itch to move. I'd consider it, find a reason to stay put, and move on.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Then I thought I was getting married, so here it was...my answer. I definitely needed to sell in that case, so up on the market it went.

And then I wasn't getting married, so down off the market it came.

And then I decided to move anyway, so up it went again.

And then I decided not to, so down it came again.

And then the listing contract ran out, so it has stayed off the market for a little while.

And then a neighbor expressed some interest in it, so I started thinking that maybe I should sell.

And then I talked myself out of it, because I love my location - my work, my kiddos daycare, my gym, my church, great neighbors, my favorite sushi place...all within a few miles of my house. Plus, I like my condo, it's very "me" with the yellow wall and cheerful vibe...I don't want to sell, right?

And then a real estate agent sent me a bunch of listings for adorable, affordable places that are close to where I am now...maybe i do want to sell.

Oh, but it's almost winter and I don't want to deal with it in winter, plus I have a million things to worry about right now...I don't want to sell.

I'm driving myself nuts. I can't keep having this same conversation with myself. I really need to make a decision and stick with it, but honestly...I can't seem to do it with this particular topic. I usually love being single and being able to make these types of big-deal, lifestyle decisions by myself, but for this one...I just want someone to tell me what to do.

AAAAAAaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!?!

Why is it so hard?

What do you do when you can't make a decision.

Yeesh....

Home Sweet Home (an open letter to the Universe)

Dear Universe,

I'm sure by now you've seen the "for sale" sign out in front of my condo. You've probably gathered that it's time for me to move on, to find a new place to live after calling this place home for almost 9 years.

I have loved this home, loved it entirely. Within these walls, I've grown so firmly into myself. Here is where I held the idea of a "normal" home and family close, here is where that dream was shattered, and here is where a new dream, a better one, took roots and flourished. It's where I learned to forgive, to let go, and to move on. Here is where I became a mother, where I walked the halls with a screaming baby, sobbing because I didn't know what to do to make her stop and because I felt so helpless and alone. Here is where, only a few months later, I laughed and clapped as I watched her take her first steps down the same corridor. I've watched many sunrises out my bedroom window, some seen after getting up early to start another day and others viewed as I finally laid down to rest, tired from staying up all night reading, writing, soothing, talking, crying, laughing. This home has been a sanctuary, not just for me, but for others who have needed it's comfort and security and a refuge for friends to gather. Within these walls, I've been hurt, been built up, fallen out of love, fallen into it again, shaped my own future and began teaching my daughter how to shape hers. This is where my greatest fears were faced down, my bloodiest battles fought, and my sweetest victories realized. Yes, I have loved living here. And now it's time for someone new to occupy this little corner of the world.

It's time for me to move on, to a new space that will let me continue to stretch and grow, that will give Riley the space she needs to learn and grow. I'm busy looking, Universe, I'm doing the work, but I'd really appreciate your assistance in finding the right place. What I'm looking for is a safe, convenient location, preferably within Salt Lake City proper. I need at least 3 bedrooms, preferably 4, and at least 2 full bathrooms. I want plenty of living space and a decent sized kitchen. I'm leaning towards a townhouse with minimal maintenance, but I still need a small yard and patio area. I need a garage (it's Utah, after all) with room for my jeep and my bikes and my paddleboard (and room for the 'cross bike I'm going to buy this fall adn the kayak I need to get next spring). I'd really like plenty of light and big windows, and a view of the amazing mountains wouldn't hurt. Friendly neighborhoods with kids are a plus and a HOA with a swimming pool gets big points.

So what do you think, Universe? Can you help the right person find my condo and help me find the right home? I'm certain it's out there, and as noted above, I've been looking. Still, sooner is better than later and I'm ready and waiting (and pre-approved!) So let's get on the ball and find my new house. mmmmmkay?

As always, I'm so appreciative of the many good things you've steered my way. I know this is another one of them, so let's get a move on.

Sincerely yours,
Amy