Grateful for Riley

In honor of Thanksgiving, I'll be posting everyday this week about the things in my life for which I am most grateful.

For me, there is no other way to start off than with her.
The opportunity to be Riley's mother is the greatest gift I have ever been given. There was a time when I couldn't imagine being a parent, when I didn't think I had it in me to give someone else what they needed to grow into their full potential. I'm so glad that I was given the chance to prove that these ideas were false.
Motherhood has been a wild ride, to say the least. The extreme emotions and unexpected turns that have accompanied life with Riley often leave me breathless and awestruck, sometimes shaking with sheer terror and other times ready to whoop with the sheer joy of it all. There are moments I hope I never forget- moments when my heart is ready to shatter into a million little pieces when her little arms wrap around my neck, or when her sweet voice whispers "oh, mama...I love you" as she drifts off to sleep in my embrace. And then there are the other moments, the ones I sort of hope to forget, when I'm less than my best; when I'm frustrated, weary and worn. Still, one of the greatest lessons I've learned from parenting is to really feel what I'm feeling, whether that be terror, frustration, contentment or unabashed joy. It's the best way to be present with her, to give us both what we need in that moment,and it's a lesson that has served me well in all the areas of my life.
Motherhood has brought so much to my life, and has taught me so much about myself. I've found reserves of strength I didn't know I had, and discovered reservoirs of patience that lie deep below the surface. I've learned how to dig deep and push through the hard times, because at the end lies a field full of joy and laughter. I've become healthier, happier, more confident and brave, because I want her to see that in me and find it in herself. I've learned what really matters and how to put first things first. I've found a stronger faith and a deeper desire to live a life both she and I can be proud of. Everyday brings with it a new lesson, and each lesson teaches me that I can trust myself, that I can trust in my ability to be her mother- exactly now, exactly how we are- because we have a whole lifetime of things to share with each other.
I'm not sure why I was given the opportunity to raise this child, this girl who is part sunshine, part spit and sass. But here is what I do know: I am supposed to be her mother, and she is, without a doubt, supposed to be my daughter. When I look into her face and see so much of myself, when I know instinctively what she needs from me in that very moment, when I can intuit her next move because it's exactly what I would do...these are the things that cement this belief, that remind me that I can do this, that I can raise her, no matter how challenging it is. This little girl was sent to me exactly how and when she was supposed to be. Of that, I have no doubt. For this gift, for the chance to experience motherhood with this child, who is full of love, light and life, and who teaches me to be exactly who I am and more than I ever thought I would be, I am so incredibly grateful.