Off Balance

I woke up today with a backache. Not just a little twinge, but a persistent, painful, 'i-can-barely-move' backache. This should have been enough to clue me in that something wasn't right. I'm healthy and in good shape; waking up with aches and pains is not the norm for me.

So I made a mental note to call my chiropractor as soon as her office opened, popped some "Vitamin I" (ibuprofen) and proceeded with my day.

The morning just went downhill from there. My work email was full of demands on my already limited time, my personal email contained some bad news from a good friend. My daughter didn't feel completely well still, so she was not happy with anything, and she went off to daycare in angry tears, refusing to give me a hug or kiss. As it always does, this set me up for tears of my own, and I spent the next couple of hours trying to put out the worst of the work fires, while lamenting my failure as a mother (I know this isn't true, but it felt that way today). I got ready for the day while consuming the breakfast of champions (i.e. Diet Mt. Dew) and left for my chiropractic appointment. I'm still not sure if I washed my hair or not.

Apparently the Universe was looking out for me today, because Jenica also had an appointment at the same time, so I was able to chat things up with her while we waited to be seen. She knows my whole story. She knows my world. She was in my home last night, and she saw right through the "i'm alright" and just listened while I spilled about my piles of laundry, and my to-do list that has quickly gotten out of control, and my worries about not being able to handle everything that's going on right now, and my fears of not being enough. And finally something settled within me that has been lingering in my soul for the past few days.

I have a lot going on right now. A LOT. I have a long list of major projects that are due in the next few months for work. My daughter hasn't felt well for quite a while, which makes her clingy and whiny, and is unusual for my independent little one. Her illness has caused me to miss some time at work, but my list of responsibilities continues to get longer by the day. My personal life has some truly wonderful things happening, but with that comes a lot of decisions to be made and a lot of changes to negotiated. My daughter's father has been dealing with some upheaval in his life, too, which has caused her time with him (and thus, my time without her when i'm most productive) to be inconsistent and unpredictable. This unpredictability has left her more than a bit confused and she's been more needy than usual lately. I haven't been working out like I need and like to, mostly due to the unpredictable visitation schedule my daughter has with her dad, but also because there is so much to do at work right now. To add to this, I'm anticipating moving in the next few months, so I am trying to figure out the timing of selling my condo but I'm still not certain exactly where i'll be moving to. And this is just THE SHORT LIST.

Oh, boy.

So after some *snap*crackle*pop* to my back and neck, I diagnosed myself.

Like my spine, my life is out of balance. Not seriously, but enough that some treatment is needed. I was ignoring the signs and symptoms, and so my body gave me a physical sign I couldn't ignore.

And now I'm trying to figure out the next steps. What can I do now that will help me get centered enough to make these decisions rationally instead of reacting to situations beyond my control? What can I do to make more time to train, so I can feel physically healthy and whole, while still fulfilling my obligations at work? How can I help my daughter through the transitions that she has to make while maintaining a normal level of patience and sanity with her? How do I make time for my very new relationship when he and I both have other very important commitments to attend to?

Seriously, people....how do I do this? I know I'll figure it out, but any advice is greatly appreciated.