On Worthiness

An author and researcher I greatly admire, Brene Brown, is blogging this week about worthiness, in honor of her new lecture that has just been released on DVD. Reading some of the blog postings that this has sparked, and having just finished Brene's book (which is excellent - go read it NOW!), I felt compelled to share some of my thoughts on "worthiness".

I don't usually blog about my religion in specifics, mostly because I believe that your relationship with the Divine and how you choose to nurture your spirit is very personal and will be different for everybody. I don't believe in a 'one size fits all' approach to spirituality and I work really hard to stay in tune with what works for me and let others do their own thing. What works for me might not work for you, and I think that's just fine. Better than fine, it's great! This type of diversity is part of what makes life interesting and gives us all a chance to stretch and grown.

Growing up LDS, "worthiness" is a concept that is introduced early on. The best way I can describe it, your "worthiness" is equivalent to living your life within the guidelines of 'righteous living' as set forth by church leadership. You have to be judged "worthy" to receive certain ordinances and these ordinances become more complex as you grow older and are better able to understand the church teachings. As such, the level of "worthiness" that is necessary to continue advancing becomes increasingly complex as you get older and more is expected. Essentially, you are judged by someone in authority as to whether you are "worthy" of taking part in these ordinances.

I don't have a problem with this system, per se, but i think it gets distorted very easily. Because every member of the LDS church knows what it means to be "worthy" of baptism or "worthy" of temple marriage or "worthy" to serve in a church calling, this mindset of "worthiness" can be used as a stone to cast at those who may not appear to be living within church guidelines. More times than I can count, I've heard statements like "he's not worthy to x, y or z (fill in any religious expectation here)" implying that there is something wrong with that person. And usually, at the heart of the matter, the person in question is just doing their best and trying to get through life with some semblance of sanity. It can also be used as a way to beat ourselves up, or tell ourselves there is something wrong with us because we aren't 'worthy' of x, y or z, (again, fill in any religious expectation here). I know that this is not how the concept of 'worthiness' according to my religion is supposed to be used, it's not how it was meant, but nevertheless, IT IS how it is used and what IT HAS become. I believe this is because the LDS church, like any church, is made up of people and people are imperfect, so things are going to get distorted some. Still, when that's your experience and the experience of so many others you know, that becomes it's own sort of truth.

In my experience, those in my religion who are in the position to judge "worthiness" do so in a very loving, very kind manner, taking into account situations that may not be outwardly evident to the general public and trying to learn the heart of those they are serving. Those who take it upon themselves, without any authority, to judge the "worthiness" of others do it in misplaced, gossipy fashion and are severely out of line. This isn't done out of love or concern, it's done out of judgment and often, in my opinion, out of a need to feel better about their lives by tearing others down.

I'd prefer the word "worthiness" to be taken out of my church vocabulary altogether, but since I'm not someone who gets to make these decisions, I'm going to use my own definition of 'worthy' in teaching my daughter and applying it to myself. Websters defines 'worthy' as "having worth or merit or value". I like this definition the best because with this definition we are all on an even playing field. We all have worth and merit and value. We are all 'worthy'.

We are all 'worthy' of love. We are all 'worthy' of being treated well and respected for who we are. We are all 'worthy' of nurturing our spirit, however that works best for us. We are all 'worthy' of having the freedom to make our own choices and live our lives without fear or judgment or being the center of our family or friend's drama and gossip. We are all 'worthy' of acceptance. We are all 'worthy' of feeling good about who we are and what we bring to the world. We are all 'worthy' of joy. We are all 'Worthy'.

So how about we leave the judgement and the labels and the expectations out of the picture and teach our children (and ourselves) that everyone is 'worthy'?

Right now. Right here. Just as we are.

We are all 'Worthy'.


**Please note that the opinions here are mine. I've represented my feelings and views and although I tried to represent the teachings of the LDS church accurately, I may not have done so.