Easing In

It's been more than a week since the various New Year's celebrations occurred, and I'm just barely finding my way back to my blog to ring it in.  Typically, I start the New Year off big- with resolutions and resolve, determined to start off strong and continue that way all 365 days - come hell or high water.  But I'm choosing to operate a little bit differently this year, easing in instead of jumping in, following my gut instincts about what this year will bring.




I usually choose a word for the year, a single word that can stand as a guide to help me remember what it is that I really want in that year.  In 2009, my word was engage.  In 2010, build.  In 2011, I changed up the routine entirely by setting intentions to guide the year.  And last year, 2012, instead of choosing a word for the entire year, I chose the phrase "kill the drama."   Yeah, it's funny but it was the perfect phrase for what I needed to do.  Distilling my hopes, dreams, needs and desires down into one single word or phrase is usually difficult, but my word for 2013 came to me several weeks ago.


My word for this year is OPEN.

I'm feeling a lot of changes coming my way.  I want them.  I welcome them, even though I'm not exactly sure what they will look like and how they will manifest themselves.  And that's ok.  I'm not sure if these changes relate to me professionally, personally, spiritually, creatively,  as a parent...I just can't tell yet.  And that's ok, too.  I'm trusting that if I really listen to my own wisdom, that if I keep following my gut, I'll land exactly where I'm supposed to be.

So for now, I'm staying OPEN to whatever is in store. 

Lately I've felt very pulled to get my life in order, and I mean this in a dozen of different ways, so that I can be ready to jump when the whistle sounds or when an opportunity to move into these changes presents itself.  Yes, the practical is of consideration here, so this means updating my CV, getting paperwork and taxes and all the minutae of daily life in order.  But it also means sorting through the relationships in my life - deciding which need TLC, which are solid and steady, and which need to be let go, in order to open up room for the new.  Yes, there is decluttering to do, but there is also journaling and long walks and deep discussions to be had. 

I know how vague and random this sounds - it feels that way to me, too.  My Type A Control Freak has spent considerable time internally yelling about how flaky and flighty this way of approaching my future is.  So far, though, I've been able to tune her out enough to listen to my inner voice that is quietly but firmly demanding that I stay present to what is happening within.  That I ready myself and my daughter for change and growth, whatever that may mean.  That I dig deep and really examine what is working and what is not.  That I listen to myself and handle whatever comes up in a gentle and honest manner. 

I don't know how this will all turn out, but what I do know is this:  if I can follow my own wisdom, if can stay present and authentic,  I'll emerge from whatever shift is happening happier, healthier and more at peace with my world. 

So, yeah...I'm expecting a lot from 2013.  And I know she'll deliver.

But as far as the details go...well,  I'm staying open.