Wondering....

this picture has no significance to the text - I just like it...

I wrote down the first 10 questions that went through my head in a five minute period....pretty interesting insight into my mind.

1. Sarah Palin...Seriously?
2. What did that middle of the night text message mean? Do I even care?
3. Why are these jeans tight today and two days ago they fit just fine? It's not even that time...
4. Is it a better use of my time to stay home and do laundry?
5. What do the daycare providers really think of me?
6. How DO they get the tootsie roll into the center of a tootsie pop?
7. What would Jesus Do?
8. Why does my car smell weird?
9. Did I sign up for this?
10. What am I doing to attract all these passive-agressive, neurotic, obsessive-compulsive, manic-depressive people in my life? (don't worry, I don't mean you.)

Daydreams

Today, I've been daydreaming about....


*Sunshine, the crash of the waves, and digging my toes into the sand
*upcoming Girl's Night Out
*getting a new tattoo (probably won't, but still thinking...)
*next year's vacation with Riley (where to go? Cali again? Mexico? New York? Alaska?)
*upcoming plans of the romantic variety (usually the daydreams are better than the real thing...)
*buying a house and planting a garden
*basketball season
*chicken enchiladas
*biking through the changing leaves
*an enjoyable evening spent hanging at my house, watching Iron Chef with a foodie-type
*this week's U/OSU game (VERY excited for that one)
*finishing one of my writing projects (close-very, very close)

It's been a good daydream day. What are you daydreaming about today?

Gratitude Fridays

This week, I'm so grateful for:

1. Friday and the feeling of exhaustion that comes when you know a job has been well done.
2. College football and a fun, new person with whom to share it.
3. "Ladies who Lunch" and the one who tagged along. Thanks, girls, I needed that.
4. My pseudo-sis and adopted mom, and the realization that I have family just up the stairs.
5. Beginning to see the heart of someone you thought might not have one.

I know it's pretty vague and ambiguous, but believe me, those short sentences wrap up a lot of work, emotion, and enjoyment.

For those things, I am grateful.

End of the weekend

So, after a weekend of catching up and cleaning up and rocking a grouchy baby and downloading music and reading books and cleaning the house and re-cleaning house after the little one throws up all over everything and running errands and buying groceries and paying bills and blogging and downloading pictures and writing and working and trying to call the insurance agency and dealing with a police report for a car break-in and drama and birthday parties and trying to figure out men in general and a few specifically and scheduling appointments and painting and walking the dog and cooking dinner and making lunches and cleaning the cupboards and unloading the dishwasher and folding laundry and fixing the computer and ironing and finding a missing shoe and buying pajamas and cleaning out closets....is it any wonder that I feel a little....overwhelmed?

Still, this little one is at the center of all my days. How can I complain?


My little chocoholic!

Gratitude Friday

A while ago, I began to use Friday blog posts as a way to take time out of my schedule and reflect on the many things I am grateful for in my life. It's been a while since I did this, so I thought I needed to get back into the practice.

First, I am so incredibly grateful for the past weekend at Squam. I met so many amazing people who are serving as terrific inspiration to fuel my creative endeavors. I can already see huge leaps in my writing and I am so lucky to have had the chance to attend this amazing event.

Second, I must offer up thanks to my amazing mother, who stepped in and took over child care duties when my other plans didn't work out so well. My wonderful sister was going to come into town to keep Riley, but her pregnancy with twins (!!) made it more important for her to stay put and see her doctor and take care of herself. Riley had a BALL with grandma, came back spoiled rotten, and learned to say "uh-uh" (great, huh?). Thanks mom! Love you!

Third, I am grateful to have some new direction and goals to work towards. Some of these are related to my writing, some are working to realize some long-held ambitions, and some are just things I want/need to do for myself. I'm a very goal oriented person, so I'm very grateful to have some new plans for myself.

Finally, I must acknowledge the new energy that I seem to have found, and be grateful for it. If you read back a few posts ago, you know that I have been feeling a littel out of sorts and on edge, and not really certain why or what to do about it. I felt like I needed some change but unable to figure out how or where. After exploring those feelings and reflecting on what they could mean, I talked to my absolutely amazing friend, Stormy, about how I was doing and what those feelings meant. Stormy, in her open, loving, honest way gave me some good advice, offered some perceptive and accurate insight, and then talked me through some of the emotions. This, plus some time away from my "real life" really helped me to sort out what I was feeling and how to deal.

As usual, once I start counting the good things in my life, I find it hard to stop. But I have things to do and places to go, so this is it for today. I am truly blessed. I am grateful.

Reflecting

reflections in Logan International Airport - Boston, MA Sept. 15, 2008


It's been a few days since I returned home from what turned out to be an amazing trip to New Hampshire. I went there to accomplish a few things: concentrate on my writing, enjoy a new part of the of the country, soak in the collected creative vibes that occur when a group of creative, soulful, inspired people gather, and push myself to reach new levels in my chosen creative pursuits (wow, I don't think I've ever used the word "creative" so many times in one paragraph. Yes, I am a writer...)


The dock off my cabin

All of those things occurred, plus a thousand other wonderful moments along the way.

Some highlights:

Meeting amazing, wonderful, talented people who are embracing their talents in writing, music, art, photography....every creative pursuit you can image. The energy that was all around was simply incredible.

A poetry class that pushed me to work this genre into my writing, even though it's not my favorite or one in which I am necessarily very skilled.

Having a writer whose work I really respect tell me that I needed to publish...very, very soon. That I was ready.

A bonfire in which the lovely, talented Jonatha Brooke performed. I have loved her music for quite a while. Imagine my delight in having her for a cabin-mate, and hearing from her the first hand accounts of "rock star life" (hint: it involves staying in and knitting) and how hard she works to get her music out there. She is a very kind person with a down-to-earth perspective on life.

Falling asleep every night, exhausted from the intense day, but knowing it was productive and took me places I would have never reached otherwise.






I came home a day earlier than planned, exhausted and ready to see my baby. But I think this picture sums it up pretty well. I left happy, inspired, satisfied with my time spent there, and ready to keep pushing myself to new levels.

Waiting for Change

We've all heard that the cheesy lines about the feeling the "winds of change" , right?

I didn't really understand what that meant until recently.

I've dealt with change my whole life. Some changes I embraced, some I struggled against. Some I accepted with grace. Some I just ignored.

Change is something that I don't think that much about. I've come to a point in my life where I accept that everything can change...people, situations, minds, beliefs. Nothing is constant.

That's not bad. It's not good. It just is what it is.

But lately, I'm really feeling "the winds of change". I feel like I should be actively pursuing some sort of shift in my life. The problem is that I don't know what this shift is or where it should happen or what it should be. There is a lot of potential for me to affect these changes, but should I do it? I can't tell.

I expressed this to a friend of mine and he pointed out that a lot in my life has changed recently...new baby, single mom, new priorities, new responsibilities, new people. His suggestion was just to let things ride and see how they go.

I can see the wisdom in waiting and watching, but I'm struggling with the idea of sitting with the restlessness, of waiting for the answer.

Does everyone feel like this sometimes?