LEARNING TO WALK IN HEELS

The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
--Mary Oliver

If any of you have read my past blogs, you have probably seen this poem before. It's one of my favorites. I love Mary Oliver's work, but I really, REALLY love this poem. Whenever I read it, it just resonates with me. And interestingly, it has meant different things to me at different times in my life and has helped me make some pretty difficult decisions.

Making the decision to divorce my now ex-husband was, by far, the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. And although not many people know this, I made this decision before my little one was even born. I knew it meant going through a very emotionally painful time, I realized I would be raising a child alone, I knew I would have to deal with some junk I didn't really want to face, but I also knew it was absolutely the right decision for me and for my baby. The ONLY decision for me and my baby.

So now that I've made that decision, taken the difficult actions, strode deeper into the world, and the results are manifesting themselves, I just re-read this poem again and realized that, like Oliver says, I did the only thing I could do...I saved the only life I could save. And that voice she speaks of...the voice that I recognize as my own... I'm so glad that I listened.