I'm usually a very decisive person. I figure out what I want, I plan how I'm going to get it, and there you go. Game on. And I have to say, 99% of the time...when I decide what I want, I get it. It just takes me defining what it is, specifically, that I want.
This has not necessarily been the case for me lately. I'm in a state of flux in several areas of my life, and have been for a while. I'm ok to live with uncertainty for a period of time. I understand that it's necessary and it's an important step in defining what I really want, but I'm getting kind of tired of it. I flounder back and forth on the ideas of moving, of changing careers, of going back to school, of serious relationships, of buying a different place, of religious beliefs. None of these are small questions in the grand scheme of things, but I am getting so frustrated with having them bounce around in my head endlessly. I need to decide what I want.
So I'm putting it out to my blog readers, to my friends, to my family, to the Universe. What do you do when you don't know what you want? How do you figure it out? How do you sit with the uncertainty when you don't have the answers? How do you find the patience to wait for them to come?
7 comments:
This is your time to experiment. To forgive yourself when an experiment goes "wrong". To know that experiments never really go wrong. To admit that you don't know everything, not even about yourself. To believe that that's okay. To know that you'll never actually figure it all out, because you'll always change and grow and progress. Because that's who you are. The sea doesn't stagnate. And that's so beautiful.
Just like you.
Love,
Candace
Writing my morning pages (a la Julia Cameron in The Artist's Way) always helps me. After a while I notice answers coming out not only in the pages, but around me. It seems to enhance awareness.
Sometimes I try something on for a set time period - allowing myself an out if it doesn't work out. That way I get to dip my toes in the water before diving in.
After that I guess it's trusting. Trusting that things will unfold as they should be - including timing, trusting in my own intuition, and trusting that if I decide to try something and it doesn't work out it's ok. I'll have the strength to learn, build on it and switch gears. I've done it before and survived nicely. :)
But I'll be the first to admit that ALL of this is easier written than done. ;)
Sending you peace and hugs,
xox
i love your infusion of color with your photo. i think as women, we put undue pressure on ourselves to be perfect - especially if we have daughters. try making a list, taking baby steps (enrolling in a class, doing one thing that is out of your comfort zone), making a vision board, reading the book, "a little more about me" by pam houston, associating yourself with positive, creative people. just try to enjoy the journey!
hugs
I think Spiritual Amy is just competing for space in your head with Analytical Amy ;-)
Analytical Amy is used to concrete answers, spelled out to the Nth degree. Answers that can be used to justify your decisions when people question your judgment. Spiritual Amy knows that all is good and all will continue to be good, regardless of where you live, what you do for a living, what God you believe in, etc. Spiritual Amy also doesn't care what other people think because she is the one the ultimately knows what is right for her. These 2 Amys can coexist together, but just like in any relationship - sometimes someone has to step back and trust that that other person can handle the situation better than they could themselves.
Make sense? It really wasn't until this last year that I finally figured out how to do this and I still don't get it right all of the time, but I continue to get better and better. I think it has been easier for me to do this outside of academia, but it's not impossible for you. Chuck, the man that teaches my class in Missoula, has about a half dozen degrees and they are all biology and computer science related. Yet he obviously has this other side to him.
You're a writer - so write the story of how you want your life to be. Make it your vision board, only with words. It could help you sort things out and it's not like the Universe is going to hold you to those stories if something better comes along.
Didn't plan on leaving this long of a comment, but you draw good thoughts from me. I usually get something out of just writing to you. Later!
i pray.
i write.
i talk.
and then i listen.
xoxo
ps friday can't come quickly enough.
Maybe think about it from another angle...such as, what advice would you give your daughter if she were struggling with these same issues? In the end, you'll figure it out, you always do Amy. You're an amazing woman!
How do you ask for something if you don't know what you want? Sometimes it just comes along and THEN you realize what it is that you were wanting, but you didn't even know what it was before that because it was not something you had experienced before.
xox
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