Grateful for single motherhood (yes, I just said that)

Miss Yaya wearing one of my biking jerseys.

Lately, i've found myself getting a little bit irritated about how complicated being a single mom can be. Running errands is an exercise in futility. Walking the dog is painful for all involved. Even simply running to the store for milk is tricky, requiring planning and patience. I try to find ways to keep things as simple as possible, to plan ahead, but still, everything takes a bit longer with an almost two year old, and even longer when you are the only one around to keep her in check. The social events we attend can be draining; i'm trying to talk to people and enjoy myself and she is trying to dig her way to freedom with another two year old and a plastic spoon. Church is not restorative, but rather insanity inducing. Shopping...well, let's just say I'm saving a lot of money.

There are, however, a lot of things I really like about being a single parent, and today I am choosing to be grateful for these things. While this is not the life I want to live forever, and certainly not how I would choose to raise more children, this is the life I live now, and there are some really great things about it.

My daughter and I are incredibly close. I am the most important person in her life, and she is the most important person in mine. She loves me. She needs me. And because it's just us, I imagine that I get to spend a lot more time developing that bond and strengthening our relationship than a lot of mothers do. Yes, I have to work and yes, I believe that I am the best mother I can be when I have my own interests and goals outside of motherhood, but still, we spend a lot of quality one-on-one time together. I'm grateful for this time and for being able to indulge in snuggles, hugs, playing, swimming, walking, exploring, and reading with her.

Another thing I am grateful for is the ability to do what I think is best for Riley, without having to compromise or make arrangements around anyone else. Riley's dad is great about talking through the decisions that will affect Riley, such as daycare, school, healthcare, etc. and I appreciate his insights and value his opinion. Ultimately, however, I am able to make the final decision that will fit in best with our life and lifestyle. I am grateful for this. It makes my life a lot easier.

Riley spends time with her dad each week, and as she is getting older, the time she spends with him increases. Although i miss her when she is gone, I also really enjoy the chance I have to take some time for myself. Whether that means working out, taking classes, writing, art, spending time with friends, or just running errands without child in tow, I love being able to have some free time and not have to worry about Riley because she is with someone who adores her and takes amazingly good care of her. I know a lot of moms don't get this kind of "me" time, and I'm grateful for it. It's a huge bonus of being a single mom.

Finally, having Riley pushed me to reevaluate who I was and whether that was the type of person I wanted to be. Being a single mom has pushed me to do whatever I can to become that person. I know I'm Riley's main role model. I know she will always look to me for guidance and I know that the best way to teach is by example. I really can't slack off when it comes to parenting and I can't slack off when it comes to living a life I can be proud of, because I know she is watching me. Even now, as small as she is, I see her imitate me in little ways. I know she sees me and I want her to see a woman who is strong, confident, sure of herself and works hard to reach her goals. I want her to learn how to be open-minded and accepting of all, while not compromising who she is and what she values. I don't want her to be afraid to try something because she might fail. I want her to approach life with her arms wide open and embrace love with her heart wide open. She can only learn these things if she sees them in action, and so I am trying to live my life so she can see them and learn from me. The person I was before becoming a mother did not live this way. The person I am now does.

Being a single mom is rough. It can be physically exhausting and emotionally draining. But it can also be full of adventure and opportunities to help both mother and child grow into the best versions of themselves. It's an up and down, back and forth, try and try and try again, live, love, laugh, cry, learn, keep on keepin' on type of life. And for this life, for the person I am now, for the person I am becoming and for my beautiful daughter, I am grateful.



Our matching 'Fred Flintstone' feet, complete with matching toenails.