I'm saying yes

Another photo by the ridiculously talented and tremendously adorable Jenica.


I spent my twenties saying "No."

"No, I don't have time to go on a roadtrip, I'm busy studying."
"No, I don't have the money to backpack through Yellowstone, We're trying to buy a condo."
"No, I can't learn to swim. I'm 25. Who learns to swim when they are 25?"
"No, I can't take the day off and play in sand at Bear Lake. I'm trying to build up my career."
"No, I can't possibly paint. What on earth would I paint? There is not a creative bone in my body."
"No, I'm not going to dance. I'll look silly and awkward."
"No, I can't buy a bike. I live in the Avenues. Why would I want to ride up and down hills?"
"No, I'm not ready to have a baby. I'm not even sure I want to have kids."
"No, I can't do a triathalon. You have to run and bike and swim to do a triathalon and I don't do any of those things."
"No, I don't need to reexamine my life and my choices. This is good enough."
"No, I can't write a book. What would I write about and who would want to read it?"
"No, I don't think I've made a mistake. I don't often make mistakes."

No, I can't.
No, I don't.
No, I won't.
No, I shouldn't.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

So many years were spent saying no to the things I knew in my heart I needed to do.

Like writing. Like creating. Like letting go. Like learning to swim. Like running and biking and dancing and road-tripping. Like playing. Like loving myself for who I am. Like loving and accepting others for who they are. Like realizing that life is all about beginnings and endings. Like choosing to be happy.

So now, I'm saying "Yes".

To embracing motherhood with all the joy and exhaustion and elation and chaos that are part of it.
To writing and painting and creating whatever my soul needs to say.
To pushing myself to reach higher, run faster, and dig deeper.
To reaching outside myself and finding new friends and new experiences.
To loving who I am and accepting that while I'm not perfect, I'm pretty damn awesome.
To taking people at face value and reveling in their goodness.
To living my life on my own terms, and turning off the voices that offer unsolicited opinions.
To trusting that those who love me will be there for me, no matter what.
To waiting for the best for me and not settling for "good enough".
To finding the magic in the Universe and knowing it's all working for me.

To creating a life that is uniquely mine, that's perfect for me....

I'm saying "Yes."