This will be fun!

In the spirit of my girls Jenica and the other Amy, I'm paying it forward with a little giveaway.

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make for you!
2. What I create will be just for you.
3. It'll be done this year.
4. You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a song. It may be a self portrait or maybe even some creation I haven't yet dreamed up. I may draw. I may bake you something and mail it to you. It may not be big or impressive. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure! (Nor I at this point...)
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? The catch is that you must re-post this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog. The first 5 people to post this same information on their blog and leave a comment telling me they did will win a fun homemade gift by me! Let's keep the chain of love going around!!!

Good things

I wasn't able to get it together enough to get a Gratitude Friday post up this past week. Things are busy, Riley requires a constant watchful eye, or she will bring the house down in a matter of minutes, and I have been trying to stay on top of it all.

Not writing about what I'm thankful for does not mean, however, that I am not finding and recognizing the good things in my life. And in the interest of noticing the good and continuing to draw good things toward me, I figured i needed to get this out there TODAY.

~So grateful for this girl . Even before I met her in person, I followed her blog and found a lot of insight, humor, and wisdom in her words. And guess what...? She's even more beautiful, more insightful, more humorous and wiser in the flesh. AND she is smokin' hot with a modern-day gypsy cowgirl style. I'm honored to know her and blessed to be on her blog links, which has given me connections with more people that I am honored and blessed to know. Thanks, Jen. You are fab!

~I'm so thankful that my sister and her little ones are home from the hospital after a bout with the dreaded RSV. It's a really terrible year for RSV across the nation, and I'm thankful that their battle is over. The twins are healthy and BIG!

~I've recently reconnected with a lot of friends from my past, which has been fun. There is one certain person, however, that I am absolutely POSITIVE was brought back in my life for a reason. I've learned a lot from her in the short time we've been back in touch, and am hoping to get to see her and her little one soon. Erin, thanks for everything...from the long chats to the random emails that are rather entertaining to the shared nosiness and for teaching me how to download. I'm so glad you are around.

~I'm so grateful for interesting work that fulfills my need to learn more and challenge myself. I LIKE going to work. I ENJOY doing what I do. I look forward to the complicated parts of my job. I feel like what I do is important and makes a difference. How cool is that? Yes, I work hard, but i'm happy to do it. Awesome!

~Speaking of liking my work, I am so thankful for a flexible schedule that allows me to take care of my daughter and myself. I've needed some time off lately to deal with routine stuff (eye appointments, yearly physicals, etc.) and it's so nice to not have this kind of thing cause more stress in my busy life.

~Some recent change with Riley's time with her dad will begin to allow me a little more time to myself than I have had since she was born. Although I miss Riley when she is away, I'm so glad to have the time to meet some committments I have made and to have a little bit of time to myself to pursue my own interests (cyclocross, anyone?) . And I'm incredibly grateful that she will be spending time with her dad, who loves and adores her and I can rest assured she is well cared for. This change has been a while coming and I'm grateful to have a relationship with Riley's dad in which we are both focused on what is best for her and can work together to help each other out. It's positive and healthy and I'm very grateful for it.

Ok, back to the grind (that I love!). As always, this is such a snippet of the many good things I have, but putting it out there invites it back to me. I am very blessed.



~

Raw

It's been a busy morning around here. Riley burst out of sleep early, around 6 am, screaming "Moooom" and pounding on her wall. When I made it into her bedroom, she was straddling the side of her crib. By heaving her weight forward onto her tiptoes, she almost succeeded in hurling herself over the side of the crib and into a painful sort of freedom. I guess it's time for the toddler bed.

It's been more than six hours since my wake-up call, and the little Miss is currently back to screaming in her crib, fighting sleep although she desperately needs it. I will win this battle, though. I'm the Mama. I say she needs to rest, and so rest she will. And because she is Riley, with her own opinions about absolutely everything, she will fight me on it. It is what it is and it is how it's always gonna be between us. And I'm fine with that.

But watching her fight her way up and over the obstacle that was blocking her way to freedom has got me thinking that, in a slightly different way, that's exactly where I'm at right now. I've been staring at a few unresolved and undefined issues for a while, too. Like the sides of her crib, the things that are holding me back are slatted- I can see through them, I know they are there and I can see there is something better out there, but other than hurling myself over them, I can't really see any other way out. I'm working on throwing my weight forward so I can gain the momentum to get over. I'm ready to be past the things that are caging me in right now. But I am also smart enough to see that although I have to go up and over to get past the barriers, Damn! It's gonna hurt!

It's funny because all of the things I am dealing with right now are completely self made. They are my own issues, and while they may be compounded by the other life circumstances I find myself in, the problems (issues, struggles, whatever you want to call them) are courtesy of my own unique quirks.

So you add together the everyday challenges of single motherhood, dealing with a fiesty little girl who knows her own mind (and whose screech currently rivals the little monkey screeches at the zoo-so grating and over the top), a messy house (courtesy of said little girl and our exploration of fingerpainting), a to-do list that won't get done, work committments, personal committments, a few relationships that need some serious thought and action thrown their way, and the recognition that I'm in a small state of flux that needs some time and thought thrown it's way too, and I guess it's no surprise that I'm feeling a bit, well, raw today. Things that normally would slide right by me seem rather abrasive and I feel like I need to soak in something that is cool and soothing and gentle. Yes, raw is the perfect word.

And because I have now defined it, because I can recognize what I need and also because the other-worldly screaming has subsided now that Yaya has given in to the desperately needed sleep, it's time for me to take advantage of the quiet and give in to sleep myself.

Quotable Quotes

The concept of hanging on to a few key phrases or ideas was something that I learned in High School (thanks, Mrs. Pedersen) and continue to do to this day. As a writer, i'm drawn to words. I collect them. If you shuffle through my bag, there are quotes written on receipts and scraps of paper. I keep a journal with me almost all the time and write them there. I thought I'd share a few of the quotes that I'm finding particularly relevant right now.

"For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This persective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one." --Souza

**I try to live this way. I try to treasure the little moments and remember that life is about the journey, not the destination. Most of all, I DO NOT want to be one of those people who says "I'll be happy when...". This quote reminds me of that.

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman

**This quote, which currently is residing on my bathroom mirror, reminds me to be alive and in the moment, and make choices and spend time so I feel that way. Who cares if what makes me feel alive does not conform to society's view of normal and important? I'm the one who is living my life. And I'm living it for me.

"I want this music and this dawn. And the warmth of your cheek against mine." - Rumi

**Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Rumi? His words just make me melt. In my opinion, this sums up exactly what true love is about...shared simple pleasures and feeling at home with the one you choose. And, yes, this is one of those "non-negotiables" I am holding out for.

"Above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose and that's why I made works of art." Felix Gonzalez-Torres

**This is why I write. For all of the reasons listed above, and for many more.

"...I fully aim to get my soul known again..." -Jonatha Brooke/Woody Guthrie

**I'm not sure how to reference this quote. It's from a song by one of my favorite artists ever, Jonatha Brooke, but the words come from Woody Guthrie's previous work, I believe. No matter what, though, it sums up perfectly what I'm looking for in a relationship. I want someone to know my soul. (wow, lots of relationshippy things on the brain lately. Wonder how come?)

Just thought I'd share some of the words that are bouncing through my head these days. What about you? What quotes/words/songs make your world come alive?

After much debate, talking myself in and out of it, and trying to convince myself I didn't want/need/have time to go....

I JUST SENT MY REGISTRATION IN FOR SQUAM ART WORKSHOPS!!


Party in my cabin? Who's in?

Gratitude Friday

First off, I noticed that I have a few new readers here! YAY! I love getting to know new people and I especially love new blog friends. If you are so inclined, please leave me a little note in the comments and tell me about you. Also, I'd love your to check out your blog, if you have one, so please send that along.

And now, a list of things I am particularly thankful for this week:

~My daughter, as always, is the joy of my life. She hasn't felt well for a while and also had the dreaded ear infection over the last weekend. She's feeling better and is acting so much happier. I'm grateful she is healthy and whole.
~My friend, Molly, who just gave me the best advice ever. She said "We don't make rules for ourselves necessarily to follow them. We make them to make us think about it." This is particularly relevant in dealing with a recent issue, and she totally gets where I am coming from. I am so thankful to have such a wise, kind, caring friend who just gets me.
~And speaking of friends who just get me, I'm so very thankful for my friend and soulmate, Candace, who needs girl time, who believes in energy, who understands the need to shop for fishnets and Orgasm, who has taught me how to heal, who inspires me to work harder for what I want, and who lives for happiness at all costs. I couldn't have made it through a few hard times without her. She also called me "the coolest mormon she has ever met", which I am taking as a HUGE compliment. Love you, girl.
~ I am thankful for "my six month to one year plan". For those who know what I'm talking about...I'm also thankful for your encouragement and enthusiasm.
~I am grateful that it has not snowed much lately. I understand that I live in Utah and most people like the snow, but I do not. I am grateful not to be tortured as much this year. :)
~I am thankful for a full nights sleep, which has left me a little giddy this morning. Who knew that 8 straight could make you feel like a million, even with two ruptured eardrums.

As always, this is just a sneak peek at all the amazing things in my life. So what about you? What are you grateful for?

Love Looks Like This

I'm a writer. I express myself through words.

I've been trying to find the words to express how beautiful these little boys are. How, when their tiny fingers gripped around mine, I felt them grip my heart, as well. How amazing it is to see the personalities already. How giant the spirits are that are housed in the tiny bodies. How beautiful my sister is, and how fully she has come into motherhood. How strong and steady their father is, and how he is such a great example of the type of man they will become.

I can't find all the words I need, and so I offer these photos to show you: This is what LOVE looks like.