Reflections...

Reflections Nov. 2007


Have you ever been rushing through the business of everyday life... running to the next appointment...hurrying to get home... and all of the sudden you catch a glimpse of yourself? It could be in a mirror in the elevator, a shop window, a rear windshield in the car driving by. What do you think to yourself when this happens to you?

I ask this because, when this has happened in the past, I used it as an excuse to bemoan my bad hair day, or remind myself that it was really time to hit the gym. Lately, though, I've noticed a shift in my pattern of thinking when this happens. Yesterday, I caught a glimpse of myself in a window and wondered who the pretty girl with the cute baby was. Did I know her? She looked familiar. I must have met her before....I kind of laughed at myself when I realized it was me. I'm the pretty girl with the cute baby. And the other day, I glanced up in a store and caught my own eye in the mirror. I almost said hello to myself, like you would when you ran into an old friend while out and about. A kind of surprised, how-nice-to-see-you-again hello.

When i became aware of this shift in my thinking, I started to consider what it means. And I realized that the reason I'm starting to recognize myself as an old friend is because I'm starting to treat myself like an old friend. I'm being nice to myself. I'm taking care of myself. I'm putting myself first and paying attention to me. The reason I am starting to see a pretty girl in the mirror is because there is one there. I just needed to find her. To recognize her. To remind myself that she exists.

This hasn't been a sole effort. Lots of people have been really, really good to me over the past few months. My mom, my frister, my sisters in law, my cousins, my aunts, my grandma, my friends, my neighbors....all of these women have been so wonderful to me and have each provided me with something I needed, whether it be some time to myself, a good laugh at the ridiculousness of life, a listening ear, a "you'll get through this" or "you are SO much better off" or a mani-pedi complete with O ring discussions late at night. All of this has been so necessary to the process of healing, to helping me put the pieces of my life back together into a new, stronger, happier version of myself. All of these things have added up to a whole that is so much greater than the sum of the parts. And even after all the changes, all the adaptations, all the things that are completely different about me...it's really funny that NOW I'm starting to recognize myself.

I guess it takes a little bit of harshness to bring out the polish.