Under the Weather

Waiting to be seen in the Emergency Room

I spent this past weekend with a very sick child. She was not feeling well on Saturday. By late Saturday night, I was pretty worried (and I am very level-headed when it comes to dealing with a sick kid). By early Sunday morning (3 am or so) , I figured we'd end up in the ER. By Sunday at noon, I was sure of it. We headed in around 2 pm when her breathing started to frighten me. We ended up staying the night and coming home on Monday morning.

That night, when my restless, wound up girl finally gave in to her need for sleep, I sat on the makeshift bed in the corner of her hospital room. I was exhausted, the kind of tired where you ache into your bones and your body seems incapable of any kind of coherent movement. I recognized this tired. I've felt this tired before, and i'll feel it many more times as I raise her.

It's the tired you feel after months of carrying them inside of you, when, even though they haven't yet arrived in your world, their needs supercede your own. It's the tired you feel when you finally hold them, after pushing through the pain of labor and the elation of delivery. It's the tired you feel when they won't sleep, when they won't eat, when you walk the floors with them night after night after night. It's the tired you feel when you've gone to battle against their first colds, staying awake even when they sleep, to make sure their breath is still even. It's the tired you feel because you put them first, because they need you more than you need rest, because they are the best reason there is to watch the twilight fade into the dawn.

She slept for several hours, and I stood guard over her breathing, tickled her arm to ward away her nightmares, protected her from the monitors that startled her into semi-consciousness whenever they alarmed. And as the minutes ticked away, the second hand of the clock on the wall an audible reminder of their passing, my thoughts turned to the many good things I had in that moment.

*a child who is basically healthy and happy, barring a few brief bouts of illness.
*incredible health insurance, making money the least of my concerns that night.
*a pediatrician who is also a friend, allowing us to contact her easily and often.
*a fantastic children's hospital only minutes from my home.
*a flexible job that is understanding and helpful as I deal with the unique needs of single parenthood.
*family who are concerned and loving, calling often to check on us and see how we are.
*friends who stand by us night and day, as evidenced by many late night calls, texts and a few in- person visits from those who happened to be working at the hospital that night.
*neighbors who have become our adopted family, who took care of things on the home front so i didn't need to worry about my dog or my condo.

As I found more to be grateful for, the calmer and more peaceful I felt. The tiredness didn't abate, it never does. But the love I have for my child, the love she gives back to me, and the love that is given to us from our friends and family...it was enough to get me through.

Once again, I was reminded to be grateful. We have everything we need.

Riley loved the moving hospital bed and getting to eat dinner while watching TV in bed.