I have parts of myself that I hold close. Secrets I keep because it seems too scary not to, pieces I protect by clutching them tightly against my chest. Guarded against the wind and the rain and the careless chatter that can do much more damage than the elements. I keep them sheltered from everyone, even those closest to me. Maybe especially those closest to me.
It's hard for me to let go, to give up the small secrets I have, even to those who have found their way deep into my heart. It's hard for me to offer this view to another, because even the smallest truths sometimes feels too big to hand over to anyone else. Logically, I know this is not true; my life isn't that dramatic or ragged. These are small acts of trust, just simple acts of faith in another. Yet it's difficult, often painful, to say what I need to say. It's difficult, often painful, to wait and watch, wondering if what I'm offering is going to be accepted, if someone else can hold them as close as I do, can protect them as well as I can.
I'm finding myself doing this more these days, trying to make this kind of openness a skill that is second nature. It's getting easier, I'm slowly getting more comfortable, but I can still see a lot of room for improvement.
What do you do to help yourself open up, to share parts of yourself that are still tender, still raw?
8 comments:
Such sweet words. You are a joy to all those around you. It's evident even in just their posts.
It's not always good to share secrets with just anyone, but if you chose carefully who you chose to share tender parts of your life with and they prove to be able to hold them close also, then your safe. You have good intuition and will likely know who you can and can't or do and don't want to share certain things with. I personally find myself sharing far too much with far too many people, but if they chose to not be worthy of my secrets I just remove them from my life. I don't like to have to feel like I can't share what I want to. Cross me and I'll just put you out in the rain, but hold them close and I'll be your friend forever. That's how I roll. ^_^
xox
let it out baby....... lifes short!
I am so out of touch with blogland these days. I've found another outlet that (as you know) that is a haven of sorts because I CAN be completely honest. It is nice to have an audience without fear of any kind of repercussion.
With that said, I have come to realize that certain types of apprehension are your ego's way of holding you back. It's like a self-inflicted form of keeping you in your box. There's definitely apprehension that shouldn't be ignored, but there's stuff like this - not trusting the ones closest to you (and I do get it) that just make no sense whatsoever. The key is recognizing the difference between the real threats and the imaginary, self-imposed ones. I haven't got the secret yet, but I do know you have to roll the dice to find out.
We need to catch up. My adventures with Misty have gone to the next level :)
Mmmmm. you have certainly hit my nail on it's trembling little head. i am so guilty of this. holding back. too afraid to take a risk for fear of how someone will react. it's crazy. it's frustrating. it's a place i've decided i don't like to be. let me know when you figure it out, i'd like to free myself!
I found your blog about two months ago and have enjoyed "getting to know you" very much. You express yourself so beautifully.
This post today actually made me cry it was so moving. I think it should be published in a book, it is that beautiful. I wish I were so brave. It is painful to be rejected for being who you really are. I give little "hints" here & there to some that I love, if I think they aren't too judgemental.
You are an inspiration!
I'm a new follower. I happened to come across your blog through another blog I read (30 and Starting Over). I was in one of those moods where I'm sick of the written word - I'm writing a book and a blog and have a full-time job. It gets wearisome. Anyway when I read this post it was so beautifully written it made me inspired to push through my block and keep writing. So thank you, you've now got a follower for life!
guilty as charged. i tend to keep secrets as well.
xo
It's hard isn't it? So risky, yet sometimes the rewards are so worth it.
My policy is to practice honesty, awareness and acceptance: being honest (with others and myself) about which secrets I'm able to offer today and which ones I'm not, remaining aware enough to know when the time feels right to share more, and accepting that the pace I choose is the right one for me.
Frig it sounds so easy when I write it down like that, you'd think I have it down pat by now. Sigh, but I don't.
Sending you love,
Steph :)
xo
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