:: On Building ::

I've never actually built a home, but coming from a family of men who do just that kind of thing, I know a little bit about the process. The ultimate goal is a home that is safe, secure, beautiful and functional. Sure, things like the color of the walls and the exact placement of the stairs need to be considered, but first, you have to find just the right place, and develop a plan to make it stable. You first make the whole thing stable and secure so the gorgeous walls don't fall in on themselves, or so the bathtub doesn't come crashing through the ceiling and into the room below. A beautiful, functional home needs a good foundation, careful planning and requires many hours of work.

So does a beautiful, functional life.

In the quest to construct just that, I've spent the past few years knocking down doors that were in my way, digging up tree roots that threatened the stability of my soul. I've taken sledgehammers to the stubborn walls of self doubt and set fire to previously held beliefs that whispered "you're not enough". I've kicked open locked closets full of secrets and guilt, aired them out, and carefully examined the contents, determining what needed to be kept and what should be tossed over my shoulder without a backward glance. In a few extreme cases, I've set some heavy explosives and destroyed what I couldn't muscle through. And then, when things were reduced to ashes and rubble, I got rid of the garbage and spent some time smoothing the surface, finding balance, making sure everything was as level and peaceful and calm as possible.

And now, I'm ready to start construction.

Like many of you, I choose a single word to focus on over the course of the year. This word is my touchstone, a way to easily define what I'm working towards and to evaluate whether my efforts and energy are being well spent, whether they are moving me towards what i am ultimately trying to accomplish and where I ultimately want to be.

My word for 2010 is 'Build'.

I've done the work to lay down a solid foundation for a life filled with vitality and beauty and goodness. I've spent a lot of time dreaming about what I want my life to look like and I'm ready to start determining what materials will be used, figuring out the layout of the rooms, and constructing the walls. All of my personal goals of the past few years, whether they were physical, emotional, mental or spiritual have brought me to this really wonderful place where I get to mull over possibilities, flip through choices and construct a life that is perfect for me. I'm building a home for my heart, a safe place to land.

There is still a lot of work to be done, but that's exactly why I chose 'build' as my word of the year. It's an action word, a word that brings to mind physical labor, sweat, and blisters. To build is a process, something to be worked through but not rushed through. Each stage should be savored and enjoyed for exactly what it is.

My goals for 2010 focus on moving me to the next level, building on what I've already accomplished. I'm working on constructing a life that is spacious enough to invite in all the possibilities that exist for me and my daughter, that is stable and steady enough to withstand the furious winds and shaky ground that are a natural part of this existence, but that is luscious and lovely and comfortable, full of the laughter of friends and family and the peacefulness that comes from feeling completely at home with yourself.

A project like this takes a while; actually it won't ever be completely done. But there is already enough built to invite my friends and family in. So come on over, pull up a chair, grab a hammer if you feel so inclined or just join in the conversation. I'll be working on building my life, but I'm happy to have some company along the way and might ask your opinion on a few things now and then. There's plenty of good times to be had and enough love to go around. I'm getting my Ipod ready right now- put on your favorite song -Let's Dance!