Beautiful Easter Day

My sleep has been disturbed the past several nights.  Horrific images, terrifying stories and disturbing ideas have run rampant in my mind during the time I am trying to rest.  The time I need to rejuvenate.  Often, I have ended up wandering around my condo, waiting for the hours to pass so I can get up and move on with the day.

Last night was the worst it has been.

Rather than waking refreshed on this beautiful Easter morning, instead I woke with all of those anxiety producing thoughts racing through my mind.   I felt physically ill from wakefulness of the night, felt like my skin was crawling with the aftermath of the dreams. 

I knew I needed to move my body in order to work though some of the thoughts in my mind, but I also knew I was in no shape, physically or mentally, to run or bike.  Instead, I grabbed my dog's leash, zipped up a fleece to ward off the chill of the early morning, and started walking.

We walked for miles this morning. 

We walked until my mind worked through some of what was bothering me.
We walked until I was able to let go of the disturbing images in my head.
We walked until angry words were no longer ringing in my ears.

and then we kept walking.

We walked until I noticed the spring time birds singing.
We walked until I heard the cathedral bells chime out their Easter morning greeting.
We walked until I could smell the sweet fragrance of a million tender blooms.
We walked until my eyes and mind were focused on the blossoming flowers, the budding trees, and the soft, sweet breeze.

and then we began to walk home.
And as we walked, I felt my heart open up, and I  began to feel grateful.

Grateful for the beautiful place I call home.
Grateful for the beautiful people I call family and friends.
Grateful for the beautiful girl who calls me 'Mom'.
Grateful for my faith, for forgiveness and for the future.

We arrived home, and I readied myself to attend church service, to celebrate the resurrection of my savior. 
And as I walked into my place of worship, I was no longer focused on the terrors of last night or the anxiety of this morning.

Instead, I entered with an open heart and a clear mind.
And simply gave thanks for the beauty of this day.

Happy Friday! (A gratitude list)

Today, I am grateful for:

**the glorious weather we've had all week. this time of year reminds me of why I love Utah!
**finding a new babysitter. Riley loves her (and her sweet 9 month old) and she has given this mama some much needed respite.
**the fun time, great life skills, and energy burn that Riley's swimming lessons have turned out to be. 4 days a week for a month is a lot for me to commit to, but I really want her to learn to swim well and to be safe and skilled in the water. it seems we are well on our way.
**how (relatively) easy it has been to keep my house in "show" condition, now that it's on the market. I thought this would be much more difficult, but Riley is really pitching in and it's becoming routine.
**the beautiful display of roses in the Avenues during June. it's truly my favorite time of year in my neighborhood.
**You know those moments of uncontrollable laughter, the ones where your stomach hurts and your face aches from smiling so much? I've stumbled upon several of these lately, and it's amazing how much they do to keep me balanced. (thanks, G, for catching this one on camera - I know i look goofy but it was such a purely joyful, funny moment that I love the photo,anyway.)
**friends who listen when I just need to talk things out, to hear my own voice make sense of my world.
**a whole weekend stretching out ahead of me with no major obligations or commitments. My plans include sleeping as much as I want to, riding my bike, reading, long walks and a hike in there somewhere. Sounds grand, no?