Star Wars Wisdom

“Always remember, your focus determines your reality.”

- Qui-Gon to Anakin, Star Wars Episode I


I love Star Wars. I wanted to be both a storm trooper and Princess Leia when I was growing up. Now I can see how the juxtaposition of them both would result in some pretty unique fashion statements (White, plastic, bullet proof bikini, anyone? Or perhaps a gold metallic storm suit complete with word-o hair) but still, I *heart* Star Wars.

So, if Qui-Gon was right, and our focus determines our reality, one must ask herself what one needs to focus on.

What I'm focusing on this week:
1. Healthy lifestyle...making time for the gym, eating well, limiting caffeine (so hard for me right now)
2. Quality time with my daughter. I have a trip to the zoo and swimming on the list.
3. Wrapping up the final details on a couple of large projects.
4. Spring cleaning: my house and storage unit and closet are all getting the treatment.
5. Finding time to myself: to write, to meditate, to do yoga, to pray.


What are you focusing on this week?

Gratitude Friday

Counting my blessings again. Here we go:

1. So grateful for this girl.

I seriously could not have made it through the last several months without my frister. She keeps me sane. She understands my wackiness. She gets my sense of humor. She lets me call her at least 14 times a day. She'll text me with random funny stuff. She loves my bug. She reminds me of the good things in life. She helps deal with the bad. She encourages me to keep moving forward. She knows what oldy foldy means. Such a doll. I just love her.

2. Riley seems to be getting a schedule down. This is huge for us. So thankful that we seem to be getting somewhere with this. YEAH!

3. So grateful for my job. It's been an absolutely crazy week at work, and I've also had daycare issues this week. Tons of stuff to do, but still I am so grateful to have a job that challenges me mentally, allows me to work with some of the most intelligent people on earth, and gives me a lot of satisfaction. Plus, it's flexible so I can accomodate life as a single mother, and still pay the bills. My take on it is that if I'm spending time away from Riley, it better be for a reason that meets two criteria: 1) it should benefit her in some way and 2) it should be something I enjoy and am good at. I truly believe that the work I do will improve healthcare in the future, directly benefiting Riley, and I very much enjoy it and I know I am good at it. My criteria are met; I'm happy. Lucky me.

4. I live in an amazing city with so much to do that is family centered. I've been trying to make sure Riley and I take advantage of all the opportunities to get out and explore SLC. Lately, I've been taking her to the library. She loves the people, the glass elevator and was absolutely mesmerized by the butterfly mobiles. We've also been going swimming at the Fairmont community center, whcih Riley LOVES! I bought a family pass to Hogle Zoo so I can take her there, or she can go with Madi. I am looking forward to summer and the farmer's market, the street festivals, and the outdoor concerts. I love this part of my life and I know Riley enjoys getting out of the house and being in different atmospheres. So much fun!

5. Finally, I'm very thankful to have my writer's group. This provides me with an emotional outlet, a creative release and feedback that is both thought provoking and constructive. I have had a lot of formal writing training, through college, graduate school and my profession, but it's a completely different experience to write for it's own reward. I can see how much I've grown as a writer as a result of this experience and I'm very grateful for it.

Short list this week, but, as always, i'm certainly not short on good things in my life.

List of Obsessions

I was talking with a friend of mine today, and he mentioned that he had noticed that I have a tendency to get a bit obsessed with things I am really into on any given day. He's completely right (good observation, NR) so I thought I'd share with you all what I happen to be obsessed with lately.

1. Tzatziki- or the greek yogurt-cucumber sauce that is often served on gyros, etc. I LOVE this stuff and have perfected my own recipe, which I have to say is much better than any you can buy, even trader joe's. I have been eating TONS of it and I eat it on just about everything...pita, salmon, veggies, whatever. Everything is better with this stuff. Plus it's non-fat yogurt with cucumber in it. I mean, if you have to get obsessed with a food product, how can you beat yogurt with vegetables mixed in?

2. The book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. I have tried to read this book before, and found it a little cheesy, but for some reason, it's working for me now. Some of the passages are a little dramatic for my taste ("But it is gossip that is to blame" and "Even if someone shoots you in the head, do not take it personally") but there is a lot of wisdom in there that I seem to need to hear right now. Funny how that works.

3. The color combo of Red and Turquoise. Red is my all time favorite color, and I have recently been obsessed with turquoise. Who knows why. I have been totally into these two colors together lately. I ordered a bunch of fabric today and these two colors are pretty prominent in it. For some reason, they make me happy together.

4. "What I Like About You" is a sitcom starring Jenny Garth (Kelli from 90210) and Amanda Bynes (don't know what else she is in) and the reruns play on Family channel every day. I tivo these every day and save them up for the weekend. It's kind of a stupid, and not the most clever show on TV, but I love the silly release that I get from it.

5. My frister will appreciate this one, but lately I have been totally into doing laundry. Now, this is probably due to the fact that for the first time in six years, I can do laundry in the comfort of my own home. It's SO nice. And I am especially obsessed with using Tide with Downy (April Fresh Scent) and Downy fabric softener and Downy sheets (again, all April Fresh Scent). The April Fresh Scent reminds me of my aunt Shannon, although I'm not sure why. I think she used to use this kind of fabric softener.

6. KUER 90.0- Our local NPR station. I have always really enjoyed NPR, but lately, i have really gotten into listening to it for updates on the primaries, Iraq war, etc. I find it to be the most unbiased of the various news options. What's really funny is that Riley seems to like it too. She'll play on the floor in my room while I am getting ready for the day, and we put on NPR, and she'll laugh and giggle at the radio. Hey, what can I say...my child is already showing signs of being a brilliant, open-minded, well-informed woman.

Reflections...

Reflections Nov. 2007


Have you ever been rushing through the business of everyday life... running to the next appointment...hurrying to get home... and all of the sudden you catch a glimpse of yourself? It could be in a mirror in the elevator, a shop window, a rear windshield in the car driving by. What do you think to yourself when this happens to you?

I ask this because, when this has happened in the past, I used it as an excuse to bemoan my bad hair day, or remind myself that it was really time to hit the gym. Lately, though, I've noticed a shift in my pattern of thinking when this happens. Yesterday, I caught a glimpse of myself in a window and wondered who the pretty girl with the cute baby was. Did I know her? She looked familiar. I must have met her before....I kind of laughed at myself when I realized it was me. I'm the pretty girl with the cute baby. And the other day, I glanced up in a store and caught my own eye in the mirror. I almost said hello to myself, like you would when you ran into an old friend while out and about. A kind of surprised, how-nice-to-see-you-again hello.

When i became aware of this shift in my thinking, I started to consider what it means. And I realized that the reason I'm starting to recognize myself as an old friend is because I'm starting to treat myself like an old friend. I'm being nice to myself. I'm taking care of myself. I'm putting myself first and paying attention to me. The reason I am starting to see a pretty girl in the mirror is because there is one there. I just needed to find her. To recognize her. To remind myself that she exists.

This hasn't been a sole effort. Lots of people have been really, really good to me over the past few months. My mom, my frister, my sisters in law, my cousins, my aunts, my grandma, my friends, my neighbors....all of these women have been so wonderful to me and have each provided me with something I needed, whether it be some time to myself, a good laugh at the ridiculousness of life, a listening ear, a "you'll get through this" or "you are SO much better off" or a mani-pedi complete with O ring discussions late at night. All of this has been so necessary to the process of healing, to helping me put the pieces of my life back together into a new, stronger, happier version of myself. All of these things have added up to a whole that is so much greater than the sum of the parts. And even after all the changes, all the adaptations, all the things that are completely different about me...it's really funny that NOW I'm starting to recognize myself.

I guess it takes a little bit of harshness to bring out the polish.

Gratitude Friday

This week, I have a lot to be grateful for! Tons, in fact.

1. My AHRQ site visit is OVER!! A site visit from your funding agency is a big deal, and although our grants are going very well, it's still a scary, panic-inducing time. But it couldn't have gone better and our project officer was really cool.

2. So grateful for Riley Kisses. Ri gives me these huge, sloppy kisses whenever I am holding her and cuddling with her. She got her 2nd tooth on Tuesday and it looks like she is getting a third on top, so the kisses are extra drool-ey, but so cute! She is growing up so fast.

3. Riley and I got to spend some time with my friends Angel and Kristin this week. These are friends I met through X and I'm very happy that I am able to continue to have them in my life. One thing that sucks about going through a divorce is that you lose some of the people that you love who were connected to you through your ex. I am often saddened by the loss of contact with some of X's family, but I'm really grateful that this didn't happen with these two awesome girls. I love them and spending some time with them was a highlight this week.

4. Nice evening with cute doctor type. Adorable and so sweet. Calm down, nothing serious is going to happen with him, since he is likely moving to Chicago, but still...it's nice to be treated so well. And to have someone truly appreciate my domestic diva-ness. And to get flowers at work the next day. Thanks, NR.

5. So thankful for my brother in law. He's wonderful to my frister, adorable with my baby, and a great friend to me. I could chat with him for hours (and I do) and I love that he isn't at all shy around me. I couldn't ask for a better brother in law for me, uncle for Ri, and hubs for my frister. Love you, Joey.

6. Finally, after months of searching, I FINALLY found the perfect quilt for my bed. It's very Amy. Red and orange. Love it.

7. I registered today for a writing/photography workshop in New Hampshire in September. It's my birthday present to myself. I've always wanted to attend some of these workshops but have never let myself, and I'm not sure why. Fear? Shyness? Lack of passion for what I'm working on? Oh, well, doesn't matter now...They have my money and I'm going to New Hampshire to write and take pictures for a week. YEAH!

8. I received some very good news about a current project of mine, and while I can't share the details yet, it looks like you will be able to read even more of my work in the next little while (hint, hint, wink, wink). It's been described as "funny, sharp-witted, humor with a very emotional side". I hope to share more info in the near future.

9. It's time to change our clocks, which means an extra hour of sunlight in the evenings! I love spring!

10. Finally, I'm going to spend the weekend with my family in Bear Lake. It's so nice to be with my family. They are so great with Riley, and we have the best time. Plus, seeing my sister in law means mani-pedi, which I really need.

Well, that's it. It's been a good week. And of course, I'll leave with a picture of the biggest blessing in my life. Love her more than I can even begin to express. And what a goofball.

You all SUCK!

I know some of you have read the last post, and have I seen any posts about what other people find sexy about themselves? NO!! Fine, whatever...I'll be the only one who thinks she is HOT! Or, better yet, I'll start posting what I think is sexy about you on your comments. So there...That'll teach you.

I'm bringing SEXY back!

No, this isn't a post dedicated to Justin Timberlake, although you might see that in the near future (kidding).

Instead, it's inspired by a piece I've been working on for my writer's forum.

I am working on a piece that involves writing about the time in my life when I felt the sexiest. This has made me think a lot about how I define sexy and what it really means to me. Since sex isn't really on my list of priorities right now, it might seem to some that feeling sexy isn't on my priorities list right now. This is absolutely not the case. To me, sexy is a state of mind, a way of exuding confidence, a method to remind yourself how amazing you are. Sexy and sex are not one and the same, nor should they be approached as if they are.

In our culture, sexy is often defined by what the skinniest, blondest heiress is wearing or how she is behaving. How sad is this? I don't want my daughter growing up in a world where drunken stupidity or a trashy appearance is the pre-requisite for being considered sexy. There is so much MORE, usually things that aren't even seen, that make a person sexy. The only way to counteract the media led personification of sexy is to start pointing out what is sexy about us, the non-bimbo, non-trashy, non-superficial women. Start CELEBRATING what makes us all sexy in our own individual ways.

So, I'm starting with me, and I want every blogger who reads this to post on his or her blog five things about them that make them SEXY! Those things that are unique to them! Come on, let's CELEBRATE those things that are SEXY about each of us. So Becky, Jamie, Jade, Katie...every person who reads this needs to post on their blogs their five things. Then, leave a comment on mine so I know you did it and so I can see what you wrote.

Come on, Girls (and guys) , let's BRING SEXY BACK!

Here is my list of 5 things about me I think are SEXY...

1. I am smart. I think my intelligence is the sexiest thing about me. And truthfully, I've heard this from other people very recently. I don't need anyone else's validation on this, but it's nice to know that there are other people out there that think smart girls are hot.

2. I have a really wacky, wry sense of humor. it's not typical, it's really pretty weird, but I think it's sexy that I can almost always find something to laugh about and usually something to crack jokes about. A sense of humor is very, very sexy.

3. I am a curvy girl and I LOVE it. I'm not a size two or a size four or a six. I have boobs and hips and a butt. I LOVE my hourglass shape and although I have to work to keep in shape, I wouldn't trade how I look if it meant giving up my curves.

4. Perhaps the coolest thing my body has ever done is grow a kid. I look at Riley and think to myself "She's mine. I did that. I grew her." and I'm amazed and in awe and so incredibly thrilled to have produced her. I read somewhere that having a child is like watching your heart walk around outside of you. This is a perfect description of how I feel about Riley. And the fact that I did that, I nourished her, I grew this perfect little girl and now I'm raising her to grow up and be a strong, confident, SEXY woman...when I think about that, and all the miracles that come with motherhood, I feel sexy.

5. Finally, I think my emotional strength is incredibly sexy. I've just been through a really rough patch in my life and when I step back and examine how much strength and faith and hope and courage it took to get where I am today, I feel strong and beautiful and courageous. I know i can handle anything. And that is very sexy.

So there you have it, folks. Five things I find sexy about myself. What about you? What do you think makes you SEXY?