2008: the highlights

As the year comes to a close, I am feeling a little bit torn.

One the one hand, I'm happy to have it behind me. It was a year of hard lessons, tough truths, and many nights that ended in exhaustion and tears. It seems like each of the 365 days contained it's own brand of teaching, and many of these lessons were planned in the school of hard knocks. Often, I felt knocked around, seemingly out of faith, cold, tired, and occasionally broken.

On the other hand, it was a wonderful, beautiful year - a year of joy, a year of self-discovery, a year crammed full of love and light . Often, after the day day delivered hard hitting, fist pounding lesson, it kissed away the hurt with small slices of pure love- my baby calling me "mama" and smiling her scrunched up, sunny grin, my wonderful friends who always know the right things to say, the steady and stalwart support of my family.

So I'll accept and acknowledge that 2008 brought both ends of the spectrum, the good and the bad, and I'll offer thanks for both. For the strength, confidence and wisdom that I gained by making my way through the hard times, and the love, light and laughter that adds sparkle to my days. For all of this, and more, I am thankful.

Still, when you reflect on a whole year, some things stick out as the high points, and this is certainly true for me when i reflect on 2008. I thought I'd share some of the best parts of my 2008.

*My divorce - I'm certainly not saying that getting divorced is something that is a highlight of my life, or anything I want to repeat, but I know that it was a good thing for me and very necessary in letting me make some important life changes. Having the legal proceedings finalized allowed me to take steps to move on, both physically, emotionally, and financially, and I will forever be grateful for the signatures on the papers that allowed me that freedom. This isn't to say that I regret being married, because nothing could be further from the truth. I learned a lot, loved a lot and treasure the good parts of my marriage. I walked away with the two greatest gifts I could have been given - a beautiful daughter and the peace of knowing that I did the best I could and had been guided to exactly the place I needed to be in. And now I am given the chance to learn about moving on, forgiveness, and handling difficult situations with grace and compassion. It was a hard blow to me at the time, and there are memories of it that still sting, but being divorced is definitely one of the best things to come out of 2008.

* Traveling to the Bay Area (several times) to see two of my favorite people in the world, a week at the beach in San Diego spent with my mom, sister and daughter, a week in the New Hampshire woods in pursuit of creativity and finding many kindred souls from all over (some as close as my own backyard), a few trips here and there for work...all of these trips healed pieces and parts of my soul and gave me a chance to rejuvenate and refresh. So very needed, each and every one.

*The time I've spent writing this year will forever be one of my highlights of 2008. Besides the promise of seeing my work in print, I am compiling a body of work that I can give to Riley, and hopefully one day she can read it and understand more fully who I am. I want her to know me, the me I am right now, the me that she won't remember but is helping to shape her into the person she will become. I want her to know that while I wasn't perfect, that I stumbled on this weird, twisty path of motherhood, that I love her completely and fully and that I cherish the chance I have to be her mom. 2008 is my first full year of Riley and I am so glad I took the time to write about it - both for her and for me.

* Another amazing thing that emerged in 2008 is the many new friendships i've found. When I take a minute and think of all the new people in my life that weren't there even a year ago, it almost makes me dizzy. I have been blessed with so many new friends- some who came from my creative pursuits, some who showed up through work and other obligations. Attending church more regularly has given me connections with those in my ward. Being back in the dating world has given me a chance to meet new people and through them, more new people. My circle of friends has widened drastically, and Lucky Me- I get to cherish my old friends and enjoy the new. What could be better?

Yes, 2008 was a year of ups and downs, of hard times and good times. But as the last few hours count down, I realize that I am very, very grateful for it.

For the hard times that taught me patience and persistence, for the good times that reminded me to laugh and enjoy. For the family who stands behind me no matter what, for the friends who are always there, no questions asked. For first steps and first words, for first dates and first kisses. For the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. For letting go of the things that hold us back and filling up the well with love and and light and happiness. For faith, and grace, and hope and truth. For all of these things that 2008 brought, I am grateful.