Good Enough for Her

The Great Salt Lake -- May 4, 2010

"You are only good at what you do every day."

I've heard this saying from my friend Amy many times, and I've been thinking a lot about it lately. It's such a simple statement but so incredibly powerful and so full of truth. Really, we ARE only good at what we do everyday, and with a finite amount of time everyday, what we choose to spend our time on says a lot about who we are and what we value.

This led to some self analysis of what I spend my time on everyday and whether my priorities are lining up with how my time is spent. The things I do each day are varied and diverse. Some days I work. Some days I play. Most days I workout, but not always. Most days I write, but not always. Most days I read quite a bit, but not always. Usually I clean my house, but I ignore that on occasion (ok, maybe more often than that). But the one thing I do consistently, day after day, is be a mom to a feisty, stubborn, sassy and sweet little girl.

So it stands to reasons that I should be good at this, given that I do it EVERY DAY. Right?

Well, honestly, I've been really struggling with this lately. I'll admit that, often, I don't feel like I'm doing very well at what I consider to be my most important job. In fact, there have been days that have left me feeling like I am utterly failing as her mom. Days when she's stubborn and irrational and days when I am. Days when we get on each others nerves. Days when she doesn't listen to anything I say or do anything I want her to do. Days when every little upset leaves either her or me in tears, usually starting way before we make it out the door in the morning. Days when my parenting techniques or decisions are questioned or second-guessed. Days when I am exhausted and give in to her demands because I just can't handle another fight. These are the days that make me feel like I should just pack it in.

It's easy to be hard on yourself when it comes to motherhood. It's easy to think you aren't enough, or you don't have what it takes, or you can't possibly do this another day because "maniamgoingtostrangleherifshedoesntkillthedramarightthissecond." It's easy to judge yourself by unfair standards of what we think motherhood should look like. It's easy to lose sight of what's really important when it comes to raising a child.

I am trying not to let myself get too caught up in these thoughts. Because at the bottom of it all, I know this to be true: there are all different kinds of mothers out there, no one superior than the others, just different. Every person is unique and every child is different and every situation has dynamics that outsiders just can't understand. I keep reminding myself that I am doing the very best I can, for me and for her, and if it's my best, then it will be enough.

From the day Riley was born, I have known that she was absolutely, positively, without any doubt, supposed to be my child. She's so much like me and I know that there is no other person on this earth who can help her grow into herself as well as I can. There is no other child on earth who can teach me as much as she can and has. And I am grateful for the opportunity to be her mother, because even though we might butt heads and square off in a battle of wills on an almost daily basis, she brings me a whole world full of happiness, of joy, and of love.

Being a mother is, most certainly, the hardest thing I have ever done. It's full of exhausting days and sleepless nights, and a never ending worry for another person's welfare. But it's also been the most rewarding, the most uplifting, and the most inspiring thing I've ever had the opportunity to do. I can't imagine where I would be without it this little blond haired, blue eyed wonder, who follows me around and wants to wear my shoes. I know that I have grown leaps and bounds in the few short years I've been her mother and although I'm not perfect, I'm good enough for her. And that's good enough for me.

I guess Amy is right. Turns out, i AM good at what I do every day. Good to know.

Happy Mother's Day.