Four Years Old

Birthday portrait by Alisha Stamper 

There are still times that the reality leaves me breathless.  This beautiful girl, the little one with my hands and her father’s laugh –my body grew hers.  She is my child.  Mine.  As much as she is her own person, she is mine.

My world has revolved around hers for the past four years.  She is my sun, the center of my Universe, the light that leads the way. 

She is my angel, the one that has helped me through some of the darkest nights, the one who looks into my eyes and reflects back to me all that I can be.

I can have no doubt that there is a God when I look at her, when I look back at how our journey has unfolded.  I can have no doubt in a higher divinity, in my higher purpose, because I know that she has so much to give this world, and that I am the one chosen to guide her into the person she will become.

There has not been one day in 1460 that I haven’t been taken aback by the responsibility that I have been given.  I am still humbled, still awed, that I was chosen to be her mother.   Sometimes, I can’t imagine that I am strong enough, that I am capable enough to take this headstrong little one by the hand and guide her toward a full and happy life.  Often, I feel inadequate.  Often, I feel afraid.

But ultimately, it comes back to this one simple truth:  being her mother is the greatest experience I have ever been given.  It has forced me to lean into the uncomfortable in ways I didn’t know were possible, to push past barriers I thought were insurmountable.  It has made me both stronger and softer; more compassionate, more courageous.  In her four years on earth, she has taught me more about myself than I ever hoped to know and has given me more love and more joy than I will ever deserve.  She has helped me to embrace life fully and to live and love with a full, wide and deep heart.   

She is the best gift I’ve ever been given. 

Happy Birthday, beautiful girl.   I love you more than words can express, and more than you will ever know.