An Open Letter to the Universe:

October 28th, 2008

Dear Universe:

First, I have always been a big fan of your work. I believe in your principles, especially in Kharma and the idea that what we put out into the world comes back to us. I try to live a good life. I try to make the right decisions. I try to be kind and compassionate and generous, knowing that by doing so, I invite those qualities back into my own existence.

I believe that we are given hard times and rough patches to teach us patience and strength. I believe you put experiences in our paths that help teach us things we need to learn. I believe that by being in places that are scratchy and uncomfortable, we have a chance to stretch and grow, to become polished. All in all, I believe that you give us life experiences that help us build character.

I am writing to ask for a break. You see, although I believe in all of the above, I also believe one more thing.

I HAVE ENOUGH DAMN CHARACTER!

Best Regards,
Amy

Taking cover

I am an upbeat, optimistic person. I am known to be a problem-solver and someone who confronts life, and the occasional crap that goes with it, head-on.

So why have I been hiding out at home lately...Ignoring the myriad of demands that I need to deal with?
-the wrecked car
-the piles of laundry
-the cable bill that has an error
-the 'to do' list that is as long as my arm and both legs

It could be because I don't feel well, and haven't for almost three weeks.
It could be because I miss my daughter when she is away.
It could be that a weird experience over the weekend left me feeling a rather raw and vulnerable.
It could be that I'm premenstrual and hormonal and stressed.
It could be that I need to take better care of myself and shutting down is my body's way of driving that point home.

So what do I do about all of this?

I think I'll just go to bed.

under the weather

I've had a few emails wondering where the posts have gone.

Well, dear friends, I've been living in a world of coughs, aches, tylenol (both baby and adult), tissues, sick days, snotty noses, and a little vomit thrown in for good measure.

Hopefully, both the little one and I will be up to speed very soon. In the meantime, your thoughts, prayers, good vibes, etc. are very much appreciated.

XOXO

Because I need to do this....

I gotta say...I've been in a weird funk the last few days, and topped it off with a little fender bender last evening (not my fault, but so annoying). I allowed myself to be in a negative headspace last night, which is usually all it takes for me to be ok with things again. Not so much this time.

So, in an effort to lift myself out of this funk and continue to notice the good things I have, I thought I'd post another little list of things I am thankful for.

* My cute cousin, Megan (pictured above). I talked to her for a while last night, and she never fails to make me smile. She is so sweet and funny and happy, and she has the cutest baby and nicest husband. Plus she has this quirky sense of humor that I just love. Thanks, Meg. talking to you about life and kids and my 'men' made my night.

* I am truly thankful that I have a good job that allows me to support my daughter and myself in a comfortable manner. I know that a lot of single moms really struggle financially, and I am grateful not to have that added stress. It was nice to realize that the car accident yesterday was a mild inconvenience and that I'd be able to take care of it.

* My writing is coming along very well, and I am grateful to have a creative outlet that produces work that I am very proud of.

* Madi and Beckie are my adopted family, and I don't know what I'd do without them. So INCREDIBLY grateful for everything they do for me and for Riley.

* Little thing, but Riley slept all through the night last night, which means I slept through the night last night. So grateful for SIX SOLID hours of sleep (hey, maybe someday we'll get to SEVEN or even EIGHT!)

I know my life is good. I know it. Everyone gets to be in a weird funk every so often.

Gratitude Friday (on Saturday...or rather, early Sunday)

Well, I'm a little late this week, but I still wanted to post a short list of a few of the things I am grateful for this week.

1. My sister who was willing to watch my kiddo while I went to a work conference, even though she is 6 months pregnant with twins. You can read her post on "bug-sitting" here. Love you, sis. You're the best-est frister a girl could have.

2. My brother in law who helped out with the bug-sitting, endured a few middle of the night wake-up calls to help with Riley and rescued me and a car seat at the Oakland Airport. We love you, Gomez.

3. Midol.

4. The chance to attend a really great leadership conference that has relevance to both my professional and personal life.

5. Finally, i am grateful to be home and not to have to travel anywhere in the near future. I am looking forward to some routine, eating meals at home and not on the run, and a normal sleep schedule for both Riley and me. I love traveling, but I'm a homebody at heart.

Even in the busiest of weeks, I am much better off if I find time to be grateful for the many good things in my life.

Truly, I am blessed.

Gratitude Fridays

This morning, I have been thinking about how the little things in life add so much to our existence. For me, these are the things that can make the difference between a nice day and a truly enjoyable one, the things that add spice and sparkle to our existence. So today, I am offering up thanks for the little things I have been enjoying lately:

* that mild ache you feel when you roll over in bed the morning after a good workout. Not too much pain, but enough to remind you that you did a good thing for yourself.
* a few new songs from I-tunes to punch up my workout playlist
* an amazing football game with someone who enjoyed it as much as I did
* cute, fun, colorful new socks for winter (granted, it's 85 degrees here, but still looking forward to wearing them)
* speaking of footwear...flip-flops, jeans and sweatshirt - perfect evening wear in my book
* evenings at the park with my daughter
* changing leaves
* long walks with my dog and my ipod
* chats with my sister on my way to work
* lunch with my newest work friend- she just gets me and I love that

Good Questions

Looking back

A friend of mine sent me an email last night. I have not spoken to her for a while, but she keeps in touch with my life through this blog. She is a counselor for young single mothers who are trying to put their lives back on track and get through school. I truly admire what she does and how much of her heart she puts into her work. I am positive that the goodness she puts out into the Universe will be brought back to her a thousand times over.

She is putting together a "book of life answers" for her work and she asked me to contribute answers to a couple of questions for this book. The sheer act of being asked these questions and trying to articulate the answers has made me really examine a lot of things that are going through my head and heart lately. I woke up several times last night, and each time, my thoughts went back to these questions and how to formulate the answers.

After a lot of thinking, I think I have it. Here are the answers I am sending to her.

Question #1: What is the most important life lesson you have learned over the past year?

My answer: When life brings you to your knees, you have the chance to grow into something more beautiful, more amazing and more authentic, or you can let yourself shrivel into someone bitter and cold. YOU make the choice.

Questions #2: What is the most important thing you have learned about yourself over the last year?

My answer: I can absolutely, positively, without a doubt trust myself 100% of the time. When I listen to what my heart and my soul and my gut are telling me, I find the right path, make the right connections, and do the right things. It's when I don't listen to myself that I find myself hurt, scared and seemingly alone.

So now I'm curious. How would you answer these questions? If you are so inclined, leave your answers in the comment section.