*Random Tuesday Thoughts*

**I attended a conference today about a new research center focusing on women and child health. I love being a part of things like this. It's so cool to me when so much brainpower comes together to work on a topic everyone in the room is passionate about. You can almost feel the place hum with the collective intelligence. It reminds me how lucky I am to do what I do for a living.

**I think I've mentioned before that I got rid of all my clothes that I didn't really like, and the outcome of that is that I really only have a few outfits for work and a few for home. I need to get around to replacing some of them, but honestly, I don't really like what's out there right now, so I just haven't. What I am finding, however, is that I don't really care if I wear the same stuff over and over, because the idea of having stuff I don't want is worse to me than not having much at all. Progress, no?

**This is what I ate for dinner tonight:
Multigrain toast with scrambled eggs, avocado and tomato, and mixed berries (strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries). It was so yummy and so easy. If you have never topped off your scrambled eggs with avocados and tomatoes, give it a whirl. It's completely delicious. A satisfying, healthy, meatless, and produce-heavy dinner that only produces one pan to wash-doesn't get much better than that!

**I've really been stepping up my training, in anticipation of the upcoming biking and triathlon seasons. My first Century ride and first Tri are in May, about two weeks apart from each other, and I can already feel them looming. To get my strength work in, I'm doing the p90x series again and WOW! I can sure feel it today. Besides that, I've been increasing my running mileage since it seriously slipped when I tore my hip flexor this winter, and I'm trying to spend more time in the pool. I've kept up spin classes all winter, but I need to step up my time in the saddle, too, so I'm considering investing in an indoor trainer. Just haven't had time to research my options.

**Did I mention I am going to Hawaii? To see my lovely soul-sister Demelza? In about two months? Did I mention I am S.T.O.K.E.D?

**My kiddo is finally reliably and consistently sleeping all night. Considering she's three, I think it's about time, but she's been a terrible sleeper since day one. It's really nice going to bed and not expecting to be woken up within a few hours. High time, indeed.

**I need to hire someone to clean my house and do my laundry. For some reason, I can't quite ignore the voice in my head that says: "it's only a tiny condo" and "there are only two people" and "why don't you quit whining about it and just do it". But seriously, I just need to hire it out and be done with it.

Well, those are the random thoughts that are swimming in my brain today. What's your most random thought for today?

"Healthy and Strong"

Now that Riley is getting a bit older, one of the things that I am really enjoying is the opportunity I have to share some of the things I love with her. Not only do I get to spend more quality time with her, but it also provides a chance for me to teach her about those things I value. We've been talking a lot lately about what it means to be "Healthy and Strong", how important it is to live an active lifestyle, and how lucky we are to live in a place with such beautiful surroundings.
I got her out on snowshoes for the first time today, and the Girl took to it like a fish to water. Granted, we only tromped around our front yard for a while so she could get the feel of maneuvering her feet with big shoes attached, but she did great-fantastic balance and completely at ease right from the start. We have big plans to tackle the short hike in Memory Grove tomorrow afternoon and we're both excited to see how it goes.
I love being able to teach my daughter through my example to be active, and that living a "Healthy and Strong Life" is an important thing to strive for. It's fun for me to see her enjoy the outdoors and want to try something I love to do. Another thing I love about these photos is that I can see evidence of me here: ponytail, yoga pants, fleece and snowshoes.

Yep, she's my girl alright.

February 12of12

I can't believe it's the middle of February already. Time really does fly. This was a fun month because it captured a typical Saturday for me and my Girl. I don't think I've had one of these kinds of days in the 12of12 yet.
1. Self portrait immediately upon waking. I can't believe I am putting this up, but here it is.
2. My bags are packed to head to the gym. Really great run-swim-lift workout.
3. I promised Riley we would go out for lunch, and she picked her favorite -Red Robin.
4. Grandma Nita taught her to pat her head and rub her tummy. She was practicing.
5. The two of us at lunch.
6. The Girl was exhausted after a busy morning of playing at the gym, going to lunch and running a few errands.
7. Jenica mixing up my hair color.
8. Riley decided we needed to bring Jenica's girls cupcakes. With princess rings, of course.
9. It was a beautiful day - perfect trampoline weather.
10. R and G figured the best way to prevent us leaving was just to sit on my legs.
11. Trip to Target for valentine supplies and to buy a birthday gift for a party later this week.
12. Wound up the day by getting Riley's valentines ready- Barbie for the girls, Phineas and Ferb for the boys.

*On hair dye, big truths and being brave*

It's funny how the truth breaks through when you aren't really expecting it.

Mine broke yesterday afternoon. It was a pretty typical Saturday-gym, errands, a minor situation that involved my mom's car and the cops who thought i stole it. The afternoon wound up with a trip to Jenica's so she could do my hair and my Girl could run off some energy with her littles. As J and I sat there chatting, waiting for the timer, the conversation turned to a decision I had talked to her about briefly a few nights before before. While I'm not going to get into the details of this decision here yet, I will say that it is something that will change the rhythm and flow of my current life dramatically. I think that's a good thing, but at the same time, right now, my life often operates in the manner of juggling a hundred balls in the air, and the thought of throwing something into the mix that has the potential to cause some serious upheaval is, well, frightening.

As we talked through the pros and cons, the discussion widened and opened up to not just this decision, but all the other things that are on my mind these days. From there, the truth just showed up. What tumbled out of my mouth was something to this effect: "The current pace of my life leaves very little emotional energy left over for the people I love and the things I love to do." As soon as I said it, I knew-I KNEW- I had said something very, very important. I felt every cell of my body vibrate with how real and how BIG that statement truly is.

And then, a whole lot of things made sense.

This is what I've been struggling with lately. This is why I have been pulling back from others and pulling into myself. This is why the decisions I'm facing with seem so huge. This is why life has felt so overwhelming. This is why I keep feeling the urgent need to simplify, declutter, cut down, back off. This is the reason I feel drawn to a rural existence. Intuitively, I've known for a while that a few things need to change around here, but I haven't been willing to openly express this. Instead, I've been trying to find a work-around, a temporary fix, sort of like trying to find something to plug the tiny little hole in my lifeboat while ignoring the tsunami warning my heart and mind keep issuing.

After finally speaking my truth out loud yesterday, there is no doubt in my mind that there are some big changes for me on the horizon. The Universe works like that. And while I like to think I welcome change and all it brings with it, the truth is that I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed about how to get from here to there. Still, I am not one to sit around idle while my life unfolds around me, and the changes I need to make are going to require my direct involvement and initiative. As such, I've spent most of today thinking about the steps I need to take to make the life I'm envisioning a reality.

It's scary, the idea of stepping away from certain parts of myself that are such integral pieces of who I have become. The idea of my life functioning differently than it does now is both a relief and terrifying. I can't imagine making these changes and can't imagine not. I even woke up last night in a minor panic about how to proceed, now that I have made some decision on where I need to go from here. While lying there ruminating, my mind wandered around to the words that I woke up repeating the other morning "a time for bravery".

The changes I need to make are going to require calling up my bravery. I know I will be stepping out of my comfort zone and leaping into the unknown. I know I'm going to be tempted to stay the current course, rationalizing that it's really a great life and I've worked so hard and I know I'll have to talk myself right back out of that line of thinking. I know my day to day routine is going to shift, as will some of my relationships. I know I'm going to disappoint some poeple, and make others ecstatic . I'm nervous about all of these things. And a million more fears that I haven't written here.

But I also know that whenever I've stepped out of my comfort zone, whenever I've made big changes, whenever I've closed my eyes and jumped, whenever I've called up the bravery...that's when my life has shifted in amazing and wonderful and surprising ways. And I'm ready for the amazing. I'm ready for the wonderful. I'm ready for the surprising.

You hear that, Universe? I'm rallying my friends and family and faith and getting my brave on.

I'M READY!

Bring it.

It wasn't obvious to me at first....

But when she struck this pose, her words all made sense.

"Lama Stay" = Namaste.

Or maybe, the large South American pack animal in me honors the large South American pack animal in you.

Either way, I love this girl.

Super Productive Monday

I came home from work today determined to catch up on laundry from the weekend, get some grocery shopping done, finish up a writing project I've had on the back-burner for a while, and go to spin. Riley is with her Dad tonight, and I thought it would be a great idea to start off the week in a productive mode.

Um....yeah. I didn't do any of that.

Instead, I have:

-taken a long, hot bath with bubbles from Riley's Mr. Bubble (because I'm classy like that).
-laid on my bed and listened to a meditation to help release back and neck tension (I don't know if it works but I'm giving it a try).
-drank club soda out of a light-up martini glass (the blue light is my favorite).
-made whole-wheat molasses bread from this recipe (Sooooo yummy and very healthy).
-made chex mix with baby goldfish crackers (I promised Riley I would).
-made dinner for tomorrow (apparently, I'm in the mood to cook).
-oohed and aahed over pics of my adorable nieces (don't take my word for it. Look for yourself at how cute they are!)
-admired my adorable daughter (she took the cookie decorating very seriously).
-painted my toenails (blue nails, pink flowers).
-brushed my dog and attempted to paint his nails (did. not. go. well.).
-talked for 8 minutes to a friend who is, for reasons I cannot even fathom, heading to Cairo (Safe travels, NR. Send me a present).
-considered doing some Yoga but instead laid on my floor and listed to a yoga mix (which is, you know, sorta like doing Yoga).
-and read a couple of chapters from Pride and Prejudice (because a chill evening is best when accompanied by Elizabeth Bennett).

How's that for a productive evening?

I didn't do a single thing I had intended to do, but I'm happy with it all the same. And now I'm off to bed. I'm tired after all that stuff I accomplished this evening.

Random Thursday Thoughts

Totally random photo. I just love it.

-I haven't been paying as much attention to this space as I would like. I'm writing a lot, but it's not up for public consumption. Still, I miss communicating in this way when I neglect it.
-The world has felt very overwhelming to me lately. Do you ever feel like that? I don't often, but when I do...wow! It hits me hard and takes me a while to get out from under.
-I'm going to Idaho to see my family this weekend. I can't wait to sink into the easy love I get from my nieces, especially. There is something so healing about being around these little girls.
-I signed up for the first few events of 2011 (A tri and a couple of biking events) and have started actively preparing for them. Its been nice to set some training goals and work out the strategies to meet them. I needed the kind of motivation that only shows up when a date is on the calendar.
-Did you see my friend Hannah's post about her recent Tough Mudder Experience? I'm totally doing this with her next year. Totally.
-I have candles burning tonight and just smudged my house with sage. I don't often do either, but tonight, I really needed both.
-My twinner Nephews are TWO YEARS OLD! It just boggles my mind that two years have passed and somehow they are talking and running and causing all sorts of mischief. TWO! You can check them out here.
-Did I mention that I am going to Hawaii in April? Never been there. Can't wait!
-I had a major craving today for whole wheat waffles, with whipped cream and blueberries. So I gave in and made them. Best. Thing. Ever.
-I purged my closet of everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, that I don't love. I now have no clothes, but honestly, it feels very freeing. And I'm not replacing them with anything I don't love and feel really good in, so if I wear the same three outfits over and over for a while, you'll understand why.
-XC skiing and snowshoeing have made winter rather enjoyable for me, but It's been too cold to even go outside. I'm jonesing for a little bit warmer weather. I'm not asking much-anything above 30 Degrees will do just fine!
-My taxes are done and filed and my car's oil is changed. I'm counting these as big successes (mainly because I hate doing both). Amy FTW!
-I'm really, REALLY into quiet, soothing piano music lately (that overwhelmed thing), and Pandora's Secret Garden station is the station of choice for me. If you need a little bit of gentle piano goodness, give it a try.