Disappointments

Does this sound familiar?

Things are going along, mostly ok, but then you have a rough day or two. And instead of dealing with the lingering emotions of those days, you push them down, pile a few other things on top of them to keep the old emotions in place, and keep going on. But then, a few problems crop up with the new things that you piled on to distract you from the old things, and instead of all of them solving themselves and magically disappearing (like you really hoped they would), they all start to flare up at once. Which you should have expected but you didn't think it would really happen. So you ignore it, or re-name it so you don't have to acknowledge it and you keep plugging along. Because you are a survivor, after all. You do what it takes to keep moving ahead. You are strong. Never stop. Never admit that you wish you had done something differently. You find a shiny new project to keep you busy, or challenge yourself to do something you didn't think you could do, but no matter what, you keep moving.

Because as long as you are moving, the disappointment can't catch up with you.

And sometimes you wish you could just stop.
And stay still.
And wait for the answers to come.
And wait for the wounds to heal.

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I'm dealing with some really big disappointments right now, and I'm really trying to be honest about them, to feel them completely so I can resolve them completely. I'm doing my best to stay present and am fighting the battle against finding something to distract myself, because I know that being honest and present is the only way to move forward, to let go, and to move on.

So for now, for today, I am steeped in disappointments.

**edited to add: at 11:15 tonight, i found out the Lillith Fair concert i was so excited about has been canceled. It seems only fitting that this happened today, and I'm sort of glad it did, because I am determined to have a better day tomorrow and this just caps off today PERFECTLY.