A day in the garden

It's not often that I get a day to myself, with no demands, no obligations and no "must dos."  In fact, I can't actually remember the last time one of those days presented itself.  But it did today, and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. 

I spent most of the day outside.  I started with a long walk around my neighborhood with my dog, and when we returned, I found that the walls of my home couldn't contain my still-restless spirit.  So, with camera, and journal in hand, I went out again-seeking space, seeking breath, seeking peace.    

Initially, I was headed to my favorite canyon to hike, but I found myself drawn to Red Butte Garden, one of my favorite places in Salt Lake City.  Despite it being a much-loved place, I hadn't spent time there in a while, and after realizing how long it had been,  I changed my direction and went there instead. 

 The light was perfect, so I wandered the trails with camera in hand; enjoying the cool day, the sounds of the birds and the insects, and of course the flowers that, although they are beginning to fade with autumn's approach, are still staggeringly beautiful.

I walked the entire garden with my camera, waiting for the words I needed to surrender to the page.  After an hour of photographing the beauty I found all around,  I retreated to my favorite spot - the fragrance garden- and settled in to write.  I waited for few minutes, eyes closed until I felt the words on the edge of my breath, and then- I wrote. 

I wrote about feelings I hadn't known how to describe, and yet the words kept showing up.  I wrote about how I felt about my life, about what was going well and what needed to change.  I wrote about the joy I felt in where I'm at and how far I have come, and about the frustrations and questions I just can't quite get a lock on.  I wrote about the elation of watching my child learn to read and the lump I always get in my throat when she takes another big step towards independence.  I wrote about how blessed I am to be surrounded by wonderful and amazing friends and family and the loneliness that sometimes still sneaks up on me, catching me off guard.

 I wrote for well over an hour, my handwriting filling up pages and pages and pages and then, exhausted and emotionally drained, I simply sat there-silent-for almost another hour.

Tonight, as I was uploading the photos from today, I was struck by how much I needed today, how much we all need days like today.  I needed this time to myself, time away from the daily demands of life, work, motherhood, etc. to just reflect on where I am, how I am living, what I am giving, and what direction I need to be moving towards.  I'm not sure I am any closer to the answers, but I feel lighter and more peaceful after having handed over the burden of those words to the waiting pages.