A day in the garden

It's not often that I get a day to myself, with no demands, no obligations and no "must dos."  In fact, I can't actually remember the last time one of those days presented itself.  But it did today, and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. 

I spent most of the day outside.  I started with a long walk around my neighborhood with my dog, and when we returned, I found that the walls of my home couldn't contain my still-restless spirit.  So, with camera, and journal in hand, I went out again-seeking space, seeking breath, seeking peace.    

Initially, I was headed to my favorite canyon to hike, but I found myself drawn to Red Butte Garden, one of my favorite places in Salt Lake City.  Despite it being a much-loved place, I hadn't spent time there in a while, and after realizing how long it had been,  I changed my direction and went there instead. 

 The light was perfect, so I wandered the trails with camera in hand; enjoying the cool day, the sounds of the birds and the insects, and of course the flowers that, although they are beginning to fade with autumn's approach, are still staggeringly beautiful.

I walked the entire garden with my camera, waiting for the words I needed to surrender to the page.  After an hour of photographing the beauty I found all around,  I retreated to my favorite spot - the fragrance garden- and settled in to write.  I waited for few minutes, eyes closed until I felt the words on the edge of my breath, and then- I wrote. 

I wrote about feelings I hadn't known how to describe, and yet the words kept showing up.  I wrote about how I felt about my life, about what was going well and what needed to change.  I wrote about the joy I felt in where I'm at and how far I have come, and about the frustrations and questions I just can't quite get a lock on.  I wrote about the elation of watching my child learn to read and the lump I always get in my throat when she takes another big step towards independence.  I wrote about how blessed I am to be surrounded by wonderful and amazing friends and family and the loneliness that sometimes still sneaks up on me, catching me off guard.

 I wrote for well over an hour, my handwriting filling up pages and pages and pages and then, exhausted and emotionally drained, I simply sat there-silent-for almost another hour.

Tonight, as I was uploading the photos from today, I was struck by how much I needed today, how much we all need days like today.  I needed this time to myself, time away from the daily demands of life, work, motherhood, etc. to just reflect on where I am, how I am living, what I am giving, and what direction I need to be moving towards.  I'm not sure I am any closer to the answers, but I feel lighter and more peaceful after having handed over the burden of those words to the waiting pages. 

Nephew bonding

March somehow flew by without much (or anything, really) written in this space.  It was a busy month, with a lot of work and family and personal commitments.  Still, one weekend stands out as March's highlight - I wanted to make sure it was recorded here.

I spent a long weekend in California with my sister and her family, helping them prepare for the arrival of their new baby girl.  Because I didn't bring Riley along, I was able to really connect with my twinner nephews, spending time with them in a way that I could not have if she had been there. (I love my girl and all, but she has a way of running the show. )

Tate on the left, Liam on the right

We played cars, we sang songs (about trains), we watched movies (about cars), we played trains, we read books (about construction sites), we played trucks.  Notice the vehicular theme?  These boys - they are ALL BOY!

 I'm so glad I was able to spend this time with them.  It was a once in a lifetime shot - their baby sister would be arriving shortly after and it's rare for me to travel to visit them without Riley. So this time was important - the only time we'd have this dynamic that I so enjoyed.  Having Tate stroke my arm while I was reading to them, or Liam put his little hands on my cheek and snuggle in...the memories still melt me.  I love these little boys.

Liam and his favorite car

Sweet little Tate

 Being an Aunt is one of the very best things in my life, something for which I am so grateful.  I cherish the opportunity to love the children of my brothers and sisters in the way only an Aunt can.  Each niece and nephew holds a special place in my heart.  It was so much fun being able to spend time with these little guys. 

Picture this

Picture five glorious days surrounded by beautiful scenery and creative energy.

Picture nights by the fire, letting laughter and friendship chase away the cold.

Picture learning a new skill and making new friends in the process.

Picture creeping vines giving way to riotous blooms of color.

Picture sunrise on the dock, the water calm and soothing after a night of storms.

Picture tiny gifts found at your feet.

Picture being with those that understand the whole of you, who know you in a way most can't.

Picture feeling the sun on your face, it's rays warming your body and healing your heart.

Picture watching the tiny movements of nature, and knowing there is something bigger than yourself at work. 

Picture a solitary afternoon on the dock, sorting through thoughts and emotions and finally finding the peace that comes when you know what steps to take next.

Picture a walk through the trees, letting yourself get lost and reminding yourself that you found yourself here before.  And that when you are at home in your soul, you are never really lost, anyway.

Images from Hawai'i

Usually, when I travel somewhere, especially somewhere new and so beautiful, I keep my camera glued to me, shooting photos of anything and everything I do, eat, see, etc.

This time around, I put my camera away quite a bit and just enjoyed myself. It was a good decision.

Instead of worrying about how I was going to capture the sand and the sea, I just reveled in how both felt against my skin.
Instead of thinking about how the dreamy sunlight would translate on my photos, I just let it warm my shoulders.
Instead of trying to document every second of every experience, I just enjoyed the experiences themselves and let the memories make their own impression on my heart.

Still, I'll share with you some of my favorites images from the limited collection I gathered.

Sunrise on the water.

Demelza and Craig - I'm so glad I was able to witness this amazing relationship. To say they were meant for each other doesn't even cover it.

The ocean as it greeted me on the first day there.

Kailua Bay at Sunrise.

I can't remember the name of this hike, but I'll never forget the beauty I found there.

At the Pearl Harbor Memorial - The U.S.S. Missouri is in the background.

Sunset over the Polynesian Cultural Center.

Plumeria blossoms - these were everywhere and they smell divine.

Where my flip-flops lived while I wrote in my journal.

First day there, happy to be on vacation in such an amazing place.

You know I love me a lighthouse, and this one was particularly gorgeous.

Standing in the Light
(this is Demelza, and this is one of my favorite photos of the whole trip.)

It was a sensational time.
I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to experience Hawai'i at this time, with these people, in this way.
It was just what I needed.