And so I write.

The busy-ness of the past couple of weeks is catching up with me. My days have been filled with fun and friends and family, reliving old memories and creating new. Laughter, life, and love has filled me up, soothed raw edges and laid gentle hands on the tender places that still reside in my soul. Courage and comfort have been sought and found; fears have been spoken out loud, and then released. Soaking in the familiarity and easiness of those who know me best (and love me despite it) sustains me and the sweetness of little arms thrown around my neck in an unabashed display of love has given me everything I need to keep reaching to do better, to be better. For these times, and for these gifts, I am grateful.

But as I show up tonight to write, to worship at the page, a deep weariness has settled over me. The edges of emotions are blurring together, seeping into each other until I can't tell where one ends and the next begins...happiness, confusion, contentment, gratitude, trepidation, loneliness, fulfillment. All seemingly at war with each other, and yet all have taken up residence inside my head and my heart tonight.

I am tired.

It's time to rest. I know this. And yet it's hard to settle in, to settle down and to let my body and mind sink deeply into slumber when it seems like there is always so much to do, so much to see, so much to write, so much to say. So I let the tumble of words spill onto the page, looking for a pattern, waiting for the answer. Or, if not that much, at least identifying the question. I can usually find what I'm looking for, if I keep searching, keep sorting. Tonight I know rest won't come until I let all of this out.

And so I write.

August 12of12

I had to get this out early today, because I have a full day of work ahead and then we are off for a weekend at the beach! Here is what my August 12th looked like.
1. When I woke up, I saw that Riley had crawled into bed with me sometime during the night.
2. I attended a really interesting work conference at Alta resort. This was my view from the meeting room in the morning. I know, I know...I have an awesome job. I'm grateful.
3. Miss Yaya and her new favorite accessory.
4. I took pages and pages of notes at the conference. Did I mention it was really great? I love being surrounded by very intelligent people who are passionate about what they do.
5. I worked at home for a couple of hours in the morning. This is what my "work at home desk" looks like.
6. Riley carried a tampon box insert around all evening and called it "The Book of the Whole World". And I let her because it made me laugh. Mother of the year, right here.
7. I spent some time in these books; I was craving Mary Oliver after spending time in the mountains. and ee cummings is always a favorite.
8. Riley needed more books and movies, so we made a trip to the library.
9. Love my girl!
10. Another shot of Little Cottonwood Canyon. This was taken as I was getting ready to drive away.
11. Snuggles and such before bed.
12. The sunset from our deck. You can't see it very well, but Riley was very concerned about the "baby moon" . She was worried that it's mommy left it.

Soaking it up

Lots of good stuff going on over here. Riley and I have all sorts of merriment planned for the next several weeks....a weekend in Bear Lake with old friends, several end of summer barbecues and parties, the possibility of a weekend in DisneyLand for our mutual birthday, moab biking trips, a couple more triathlons and a few more evenings of outdoor music. We are reveling in the company of our wonderful friends and amazing family before the demands of school set it.

There is nothing like summer fun and we are soaking it up!

What are your end-of-summer plans?

I *heart* Oregon (a story in photos)

You know how sometimes, you are just too tired to keep moving forward? Your body is exhausted from the constant movement, from the persistent demands, and your mind is weary from keeping it's frenetic pace, day after day after day. You know, deep down you know, that you can't sustain this type of pace, that you will break if you don't get some relief. You ache, you physically ache, for a respite, for some sort of reprieve, and for someone else to shoulder your load for just a day or two?

And then, at just the right time, it happens. Your biggest responsibility is assumed by another for a few days, and you know she is safe and she is loved, and so you go. You seek a small bit of adventure, by exploring a corner of the world that is unknown to you.

And you let your senses soak in new sights, new smells, new sounds and you marinate in the change of scenery.
And you serendipitously are upgraded into the car you've always wanted to try out.
And you meet a new friend, one that instantly feels like you've known her forever. And you tell each other your stories. And you laugh and you cry and are grateful for the amazing people you continue to meet on your way.
And you soak in the friendship of one of your favorite people, and with each hour spent in shared laughter and deep conversation, you find more to admire about her heart and her soul and her mind.
And you eat really good food (a lot of really good food).
And you are reminded of some simple truths.
And you are given words of comfort and solace and counsel and you know, you know, that you are held by something much bigger than yourself.
And you pay attention to the little things that make you ridiculously happy.
And you sit on the beach and watch the families enjoy each other, and you hope that one day you and your little one (and maybe, just maybe, a couple more) can enjoy the same sense of togetherness in this magical place. And you take the time to marvel at the beauty and the goodness that surrounds you.

And in the midst of all of this, you find a deep, calm, abiding sense of peace and the knowledge that everything is exactly as it should be. And then the weekend is over and it's time to return to your regular life. And because you have laughed and loved and explored and shared and rested, you are ready to return to it. You are rejuvenated and revived and you know, you know, that that life you have...the one you've created for yourself....

It's pretty damn amazing.



**the composition of many of these photos was shamelessly stolen from Amy M. I learned so much from her this weekend.

and, she's off...

Riley left today on her first official 'matation' (her version of vacation) with her Daddy. I miss her already, but it's ok, I have these cutie pics to keep me company.


p.s. I'm trying to learn more about the technical side of photography, and these are straight out of the camera. Still a LOOOOOONG, long, long ways to go, but not too bad for the first time someone explained ISO and aperture and f stops in a way that made sense to me.

*Monday Miscellany*

*I'm home with a sickie today, and so I'm taking advantage of her frequent naps to try to get some little organization projects done. So far, I've cleaned out my kitchen catch-all drawer (I hate the phrase 'junk drawer') and scrubbed down the cupboard that houses my cleaning supplies. I've also moved my computer out of my bedroom and into my living room. I'm hoping this will help out my sleep (or lack thereof). Next up, scrubbing out the refrigerator. Maybe the oven will get done if she sleeps this afternoon. When she's awake, she needs serious snuggle time.

*Riley is leaving on her first week-long vacation with her dad on Wednesday, and I am SO NERVOUS about it. I know she'll be fine; her Dad takes fantastic care of her and she'll live it up in her GG and PawPaw's pool. I'm nervous because it's the first time she's been gone from home for that long, it's usually me that travels for more than a few days at a time. Now that she's a bit older, I think this may happen more often, so I guess I better get used to it.

*I am surrounded by the cutest kids. Seriously. Look at this little guy. He's the son of my friend Steph and man, oh MAN, am I in love with him. The eyes. The dimples. Oh, be still, my heart.
*I'm going to Portland this weekend and I am so excited. I really need a little break and exploring a new city is one of my favorite pastimes. So looking forward to it.

*I need to buy some bookcases. Badly. My books are slowly overtaking my home.

*I have a few new writing pieces that I am going to submit for publication, and I really need to focus on getting these out the door. Why is it that editing and polishing are the parts that never quite get done.

*Moab weekend biking trip, anyone? I'm thinking at least one in September and one in October. I love me some Moab, especially in the fall.

View From The Top

(of my building, that is.)

Today has been an emotional, trying day. Something major I'm dealing with right now is not turning out as I had hoped it would, and so I have spent the better part of the day talking myself out of the chip that is trying to firmly implant itself onto my shoulder. I'm sure there will be many more board meetings with myself on this particular topic, so I have spent much of today trying to concentrate on staying present and being patient with myself and the situation.

I had just tucked Riley into bed when I glanced out the window, noticed some amazing light, and decided I needed to check it out from my building's rooftop deck. I almost decided not to haul Riley out of bed, but the urge to go outside was too strong, and I'm so glad I followed it. What I found up there was a half hour of amazing, ever-changing views, a child who was content to pull up a chair and marvel at the colors in the skies, and a chance to drink in the beauty of the valley and the mountains that surround my home. As the minutes drew out, and I sunk into the scene, I felt a deep sense of peace and calm and faith settle over my weary mind and heavy heart; a gift I was in desperate need of today.

Tonight, I needed the view from the top.