Oh, I'm in love.

Riley and I made a quick trip to California over the past few days to meet my newest niece, Naiya Mae.  She is the most adorable baby girl with just enough attitude to let you know it's there, but enough sweetness to melt the hardest of hearts.

Oh, I'm in love.

My sister blooms in the most beautiful way when she has a new baby.  She positively glows with the happiness and love that surrounds her.  You can see it here when she had the twins, and with the addition of this little one, there is a deeper, more profound light.

Honestly, she's just breathtaking. 

It's touching to watch my brother-in-law fall more and more in love with his little girl. For a guy who is naturally such a tease, it's fun to see this more sensitive side of him. 

Still, one of the best parts of the trip was watching the twinners learn how to navigate their way into becoming being big brothers.  They've always had each other, and now they have a little sister to love and protect, to torture and tease.  And I'm certain there will be plenty of all of that.  And more (especially more of the teasing.) 

 

 Riley loved meeting her newest baby cousin, and talked incessantly about how tiny and delicate she is.  It was heartwarming to watch her enjoy this new little life and to listen to her wonder-filled questions while she tried to comprehend the miracle that is baby Naiya.  

 

I've said it before, and I'll say it many more times....There is nothing like being an aunt.  It's one of the best things in my world, and the addition of this new little one adds that much more sweetness and love to something I already cherish with my whole heart.  

Seriously, is she not precious? 
Oh, I'm in love.

Beautiful Easter Day

My sleep has been disturbed the past several nights.  Horrific images, terrifying stories and disturbing ideas have run rampant in my mind during the time I am trying to rest.  The time I need to rejuvenate.  Often, I have ended up wandering around my condo, waiting for the hours to pass so I can get up and move on with the day.

Last night was the worst it has been.

Rather than waking refreshed on this beautiful Easter morning, instead I woke with all of those anxiety producing thoughts racing through my mind.   I felt physically ill from wakefulness of the night, felt like my skin was crawling with the aftermath of the dreams. 

I knew I needed to move my body in order to work though some of the thoughts in my mind, but I also knew I was in no shape, physically or mentally, to run or bike.  Instead, I grabbed my dog's leash, zipped up a fleece to ward off the chill of the early morning, and started walking.

We walked for miles this morning. 

We walked until my mind worked through some of what was bothering me.
We walked until I was able to let go of the disturbing images in my head.
We walked until angry words were no longer ringing in my ears.

and then we kept walking.

We walked until I noticed the spring time birds singing.
We walked until I heard the cathedral bells chime out their Easter morning greeting.
We walked until I could smell the sweet fragrance of a million tender blooms.
We walked until my eyes and mind were focused on the blossoming flowers, the budding trees, and the soft, sweet breeze.

and then we began to walk home.
And as we walked, I felt my heart open up, and I  began to feel grateful.

Grateful for the beautiful place I call home.
Grateful for the beautiful people I call family and friends.
Grateful for the beautiful girl who calls me 'Mom'.
Grateful for my faith, for forgiveness and for the future.

We arrived home, and I readied myself to attend church service, to celebrate the resurrection of my savior. 
And as I walked into my place of worship, I was no longer focused on the terrors of last night or the anxiety of this morning.

Instead, I entered with an open heart and a clear mind.
And simply gave thanks for the beauty of this day.

What's happening around here

The Girl has decided to change her name.  Apparently "Riley" is too pedestrian, so she has decided on "Stepharina Flutterina 3000."  I'm especially fond of her choice of a number for a last name.  Very cool, very hip.  Perhaps she'll be a mathematician when she grows up.  Or, you know,  a race car.

her first heels - she wears them any time she can.

I made a snap decision today (super unusual for me) to take an impromptu trip next week to meet my new baby niece.  I can't handle not seeing her before May, when I was scheduled to go, so Ms. 3000 and I are heading out for a few days.  I am dying to get my hands on that baby girl!

I've started to run without music.  This began because I forgot my earphones once, and decided to run anyway.  I thought I needed the music to distract me from what I was doing, but it turned out that really tuning into my body, into my breath, made the time fly by much faster, and made the run so much better.  I notice that when I'm tuning into my workout, I push myself harder and run further and faster.  Interesting.

It must be a spring thing, but I am thinking about painting my living room.  It's currently a bright, buttery yellow and while I have loved it, I'm thinking something more mellow might be nice.  I'm not certain I'll get around to it, but it's working it's way through my mind.

Speaking of spring - the weather here has been beautiful and I've been out on my bike several times already.  I am really looking forward to some consistent training this season - last year was rough, cycling wise - and I'm planning on riding a few centuries throughout the summer.  Much of that will depend on my time with my girl, but it's always good for me to have a goal to push for.

Riley, oh excuse me...Ms. 3000, has been so into drawing, painting, sculpting, really anything artistic lately.  I love this! I love seeing her channel some of her creative energy into a tangible product of how she views the world.  Some of her pieces are hilarious and some are so sweet and poignant.  It's such a fun window into her mind.

The artist at work.

Nephew bonding

March somehow flew by without much (or anything, really) written in this space.  It was a busy month, with a lot of work and family and personal commitments.  Still, one weekend stands out as March's highlight - I wanted to make sure it was recorded here.

I spent a long weekend in California with my sister and her family, helping them prepare for the arrival of their new baby girl.  Because I didn't bring Riley along, I was able to really connect with my twinner nephews, spending time with them in a way that I could not have if she had been there. (I love my girl and all, but she has a way of running the show. )

Tate on the left, Liam on the right

We played cars, we sang songs (about trains), we watched movies (about cars), we played trains, we read books (about construction sites), we played trucks.  Notice the vehicular theme?  These boys - they are ALL BOY!

 I'm so glad I was able to spend this time with them.  It was a once in a lifetime shot - their baby sister would be arriving shortly after and it's rare for me to travel to visit them without Riley. So this time was important - the only time we'd have this dynamic that I so enjoyed.  Having Tate stroke my arm while I was reading to them, or Liam put his little hands on my cheek and snuggle in...the memories still melt me.  I love these little boys.

Liam and his favorite car

Sweet little Tate

 Being an Aunt is one of the very best things in my life, something for which I am so grateful.  I cherish the opportunity to love the children of my brothers and sisters in the way only an Aunt can.  Each niece and nephew holds a special place in my heart.  It was so much fun being able to spend time with these little guys. 

One of life's oddities....

Sweet little Hallee looking a tiny bit wicked.

 It's funny how an insane weekend-  full of kids, dogs, brothers, tickling (even my teenage niece was not safe), teasing, torturing, food, wild shrieks from little girls, goofiness and easy laughter - leaves me feeling more sane and centered than I have in a quite while. 

Isn't this the very image of bliss?

Nate is the only uncle that Archer likes - it's pretty obvious why.

  

I don't know what I'd do without my family.

Cooper and Kale - Coop is wild and, in my opinion, proof that  Kharma is real.

So....yeah....um....

I'm not exactly sure where the month of February went.

Actually, that's not true at all.  I knew where February was all along.  She was repeatedly sucker punching me and messing with my head.  She came and went, and being the bitch of a month that she is.....well, let's suffice it to say that this year, February just

Kicked.
My.
Trash. 

There was no one big problems.  No tragedies.  No major drama.  Just a series of little things that piled up on each other until it seemed like I went from one thing to another with no time to breath in between. 

Chicken Pox.
Homework.
Laundry.
Church obligations.
Work deadlines.
Valentines Day.
Paper writing. 
Guest speaking.
Conferences. 
And on.
And on.
And on.

Most nights I fell into bed as soon as I put Riley down and slept like a rock until it was time to get up and do it all again.  One thing I do know is that putting rest above most other things kept me sane and kept my patience in check.  Early bedtimes and me...we're BFF's. 


Since today is leap day, I've decided to consider it my reset button day.  It's not really a 'real' day, so it's perfect to serve as the bridge between the intensity of February and what I have decided will be a beautiful, spring-filled month of March (Don't let me down, March, please.)

And since I didn't show up here for most of the month, I thought I'd leave you with a few visuals of what February looked like to me.

Valentine Day parties with a bunch of goofy 8-11 year old girls.

The chicken pox wore the Girl right out.  More than once, she got out of the bathtub and fell right asleep on my bed, too exhausted to even get dressed.

Some time spent at the Bountiful Temple helped center me in the midst of the craziness.

Valentine tulips from my Girl.  She picked them out, I paid for them.  A fair trade, I think.

Now that Riley can write her own name, she puts it everywhere.  It makes me smile so much.  She's growing up so fast.

So here's to a new month- hopefully a kinder, gentler month. 
But I'm keeping my new BFF around, just in case. 

Tonight, I'm:

 

Wide Awake,  thanks to an unplanned, but much-needed,  3 hour after-work nap. 

Relieved that the last three weeks are over.  They were full of very urgent deadlines, important meetings and lots of responsibilities.

Happy that everything went well and there relatively few fires to put out. 

Giving my house some much needed TLC. It's born the brunt of my limited time these past weeks, and man - it's shows.

Enjoying the time at home, by myself, with NPR podcasts for company.  

Missing my daughter, who is spending the night at her Dad's.

Thankful that those last two activities can peacefully co-exist, without guilt or concern. 

Canning homemade pizza sauce.  Riley discovered we were out and reacted as if this were an earth shattering crisis.  I guess, in her mind, it probably is. 

Considering buying a serger.  Who knew the sewing bug would bite me so fast and hard? 

Grateful for evenings like this, where solitude recharges and I'm able to find my way back to sanity.