Small Pools of Light

"My favorite time of day is just at dark when all thoughts of what must be done stop & small pools of light come alive on tired faces everywhere." - Storypeople

Gratitude Friday

I haven't posted a Gratitude Friday post for a while, and I feel like it's high time. I definitely have a lot to be grateful for.

**Given the recent news coming out of Libya, Egypt, and Tunisia, I can't help but feeling incredibly grateful to be an American and for the freedoms I enjoy. I'm so grateful to live in a country that, despite our fair share of problems, has a democratic system that allows me to make my voice heard without fear of retribution. It also makes me so thankful that I gave myself the experience of serving in the Air Force, because I think it gave me a different understanding and deeper appreciation of the liberties we have in America.

**It's funny how, when you begin to take bold steps towards creating the life you want, The Universe seems to line circumstances up to support you on that path. I've been experiencing this phenomenon lately. I can't explain it, but I'm so grateful for it, anyway.

**This past week, I re-read some of my journal entries from last year at this time. It's amazing to me how differently I felt about so many things and how much happier and how much more at peace I am with myself, my values and my lifestyle now. I also can't help but be grateful that some of the things I wanted to happen then DIDN'T pan out and how those experiences helped me to grow, strengthened my sense of self, and helped me to more fully define what I DO want and need in my life. I guess I could sum all this up by saying how grateful I am for seeing the "Big Picture".

**You know how sometimes someone shows up in your life, and you just know they were supposed to be there and that you've known them on some level all along? Well, I have one of those people, and it just so happens to be her birthday today.
I'm so thankful for the person who continually lifts me up, who is one of the most honest people I know, who is a great example of being an engaged and present mother and wife, who gives of herself more than is ever expected, who has walked with me through some of the hardest things I have ever done, who busts out with the most random comments ever, who is one of the most talented people I know, and who is the only person in my entire life with whom I have stood on both the Pacific and Atlantic coasts (that seems like a big deal for some reason). For my photo taking, hula-hooping, crepe-making, kick ass friend, G Love - I am so grateful!

*Random Tuesday Thoughts*

**I attended a conference today about a new research center focusing on women and child health. I love being a part of things like this. It's so cool to me when so much brainpower comes together to work on a topic everyone in the room is passionate about. You can almost feel the place hum with the collective intelligence. It reminds me how lucky I am to do what I do for a living.

**I think I've mentioned before that I got rid of all my clothes that I didn't really like, and the outcome of that is that I really only have a few outfits for work and a few for home. I need to get around to replacing some of them, but honestly, I don't really like what's out there right now, so I just haven't. What I am finding, however, is that I don't really care if I wear the same stuff over and over, because the idea of having stuff I don't want is worse to me than not having much at all. Progress, no?

**This is what I ate for dinner tonight:
Multigrain toast with scrambled eggs, avocado and tomato, and mixed berries (strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries). It was so yummy and so easy. If you have never topped off your scrambled eggs with avocados and tomatoes, give it a whirl. It's completely delicious. A satisfying, healthy, meatless, and produce-heavy dinner that only produces one pan to wash-doesn't get much better than that!

**I've really been stepping up my training, in anticipation of the upcoming biking and triathlon seasons. My first Century ride and first Tri are in May, about two weeks apart from each other, and I can already feel them looming. To get my strength work in, I'm doing the p90x series again and WOW! I can sure feel it today. Besides that, I've been increasing my running mileage since it seriously slipped when I tore my hip flexor this winter, and I'm trying to spend more time in the pool. I've kept up spin classes all winter, but I need to step up my time in the saddle, too, so I'm considering investing in an indoor trainer. Just haven't had time to research my options.

**Did I mention I am going to Hawaii? To see my lovely soul-sister Demelza? In about two months? Did I mention I am S.T.O.K.E.D?

**My kiddo is finally reliably and consistently sleeping all night. Considering she's three, I think it's about time, but she's been a terrible sleeper since day one. It's really nice going to bed and not expecting to be woken up within a few hours. High time, indeed.

**I need to hire someone to clean my house and do my laundry. For some reason, I can't quite ignore the voice in my head that says: "it's only a tiny condo" and "there are only two people" and "why don't you quit whining about it and just do it". But seriously, I just need to hire it out and be done with it.

Well, those are the random thoughts that are swimming in my brain today. What's your most random thought for today?

"Healthy and Strong"

Now that Riley is getting a bit older, one of the things that I am really enjoying is the opportunity I have to share some of the things I love with her. Not only do I get to spend more quality time with her, but it also provides a chance for me to teach her about those things I value. We've been talking a lot lately about what it means to be "Healthy and Strong", how important it is to live an active lifestyle, and how lucky we are to live in a place with such beautiful surroundings.
I got her out on snowshoes for the first time today, and the Girl took to it like a fish to water. Granted, we only tromped around our front yard for a while so she could get the feel of maneuvering her feet with big shoes attached, but she did great-fantastic balance and completely at ease right from the start. We have big plans to tackle the short hike in Memory Grove tomorrow afternoon and we're both excited to see how it goes.
I love being able to teach my daughter through my example to be active, and that living a "Healthy and Strong Life" is an important thing to strive for. It's fun for me to see her enjoy the outdoors and want to try something I love to do. Another thing I love about these photos is that I can see evidence of me here: ponytail, yoga pants, fleece and snowshoes.

Yep, she's my girl alright.

February 12of12

I can't believe it's the middle of February already. Time really does fly. This was a fun month because it captured a typical Saturday for me and my Girl. I don't think I've had one of these kinds of days in the 12of12 yet.
1. Self portrait immediately upon waking. I can't believe I am putting this up, but here it is.
2. My bags are packed to head to the gym. Really great run-swim-lift workout.
3. I promised Riley we would go out for lunch, and she picked her favorite -Red Robin.
4. Grandma Nita taught her to pat her head and rub her tummy. She was practicing.
5. The two of us at lunch.
6. The Girl was exhausted after a busy morning of playing at the gym, going to lunch and running a few errands.
7. Jenica mixing up my hair color.
8. Riley decided we needed to bring Jenica's girls cupcakes. With princess rings, of course.
9. It was a beautiful day - perfect trampoline weather.
10. R and G figured the best way to prevent us leaving was just to sit on my legs.
11. Trip to Target for valentine supplies and to buy a birthday gift for a party later this week.
12. Wound up the day by getting Riley's valentines ready- Barbie for the girls, Phineas and Ferb for the boys.

*On hair dye, big truths and being brave*

It's funny how the truth breaks through when you aren't really expecting it.

Mine broke yesterday afternoon. It was a pretty typical Saturday-gym, errands, a minor situation that involved my mom's car and the cops who thought i stole it. The afternoon wound up with a trip to Jenica's so she could do my hair and my Girl could run off some energy with her littles. As J and I sat there chatting, waiting for the timer, the conversation turned to a decision I had talked to her about briefly a few nights before before. While I'm not going to get into the details of this decision here yet, I will say that it is something that will change the rhythm and flow of my current life dramatically. I think that's a good thing, but at the same time, right now, my life often operates in the manner of juggling a hundred balls in the air, and the thought of throwing something into the mix that has the potential to cause some serious upheaval is, well, frightening.

As we talked through the pros and cons, the discussion widened and opened up to not just this decision, but all the other things that are on my mind these days. From there, the truth just showed up. What tumbled out of my mouth was something to this effect: "The current pace of my life leaves very little emotional energy left over for the people I love and the things I love to do." As soon as I said it, I knew-I KNEW- I had said something very, very important. I felt every cell of my body vibrate with how real and how BIG that statement truly is.

And then, a whole lot of things made sense.

This is what I've been struggling with lately. This is why I have been pulling back from others and pulling into myself. This is why the decisions I'm facing with seem so huge. This is why life has felt so overwhelming. This is why I keep feeling the urgent need to simplify, declutter, cut down, back off. This is the reason I feel drawn to a rural existence. Intuitively, I've known for a while that a few things need to change around here, but I haven't been willing to openly express this. Instead, I've been trying to find a work-around, a temporary fix, sort of like trying to find something to plug the tiny little hole in my lifeboat while ignoring the tsunami warning my heart and mind keep issuing.

After finally speaking my truth out loud yesterday, there is no doubt in my mind that there are some big changes for me on the horizon. The Universe works like that. And while I like to think I welcome change and all it brings with it, the truth is that I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed about how to get from here to there. Still, I am not one to sit around idle while my life unfolds around me, and the changes I need to make are going to require my direct involvement and initiative. As such, I've spent most of today thinking about the steps I need to take to make the life I'm envisioning a reality.

It's scary, the idea of stepping away from certain parts of myself that are such integral pieces of who I have become. The idea of my life functioning differently than it does now is both a relief and terrifying. I can't imagine making these changes and can't imagine not. I even woke up last night in a minor panic about how to proceed, now that I have made some decision on where I need to go from here. While lying there ruminating, my mind wandered around to the words that I woke up repeating the other morning "a time for bravery".

The changes I need to make are going to require calling up my bravery. I know I will be stepping out of my comfort zone and leaping into the unknown. I know I'm going to be tempted to stay the current course, rationalizing that it's really a great life and I've worked so hard and I know I'll have to talk myself right back out of that line of thinking. I know my day to day routine is going to shift, as will some of my relationships. I know I'm going to disappoint some poeple, and make others ecstatic . I'm nervous about all of these things. And a million more fears that I haven't written here.

But I also know that whenever I've stepped out of my comfort zone, whenever I've made big changes, whenever I've closed my eyes and jumped, whenever I've called up the bravery...that's when my life has shifted in amazing and wonderful and surprising ways. And I'm ready for the amazing. I'm ready for the wonderful. I'm ready for the surprising.

You hear that, Universe? I'm rallying my friends and family and faith and getting my brave on.

I'M READY!

Bring it.

It wasn't obvious to me at first....

But when she struck this pose, her words all made sense.

"Lama Stay" = Namaste.

Or maybe, the large South American pack animal in me honors the large South American pack animal in you.

Either way, I love this girl.