Our Birthday Photos

We've made it a tradition to get photos done for our mutual birthday and each year, Carrie, our amazing and mega-talented friend has taken them for us. This year was no exception. She has a way with Riley and manages to get her to open up and be the funny, dynamic kid she is. I think Carrie sets up such fun and creative shoots. I'm so pleased with how they turned out this year. Take a look.

"Picnik Show"

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She takes after her mama.

We both LOVE Bear Lake.


But I don't think I'm quite as much of a Diva about it as she is.

On my mind tonight

**We've been out of our routine for a while now...vacations, weekends away with friends, some unexpected traveling, and while it's been a lot of fun and we've made some amazing memories, I think that both Riley and I are craving structure and routine. I am making a conscious effort to make sure we get back on track. For us, this means healthy meals, plenty of exercise, observing regular bedtimes and time at home, together. It's funny that this kind of lifestyle seems lovely to me, but I'm a homebody at heart and I like routine.

**This is sort of along the same lines as above, but lately I've been focusing on priorities and time and how the two align. Simply put, I'm trying to put first things first. I'm trying to avoid things that suck my time (facebook, random internet surfing) and instead paying attention to how I spend my time so I get the most out of what I have. It's helping. I'm noticing a difference.

**Being a Mama is the greatest part of my life, but I gotta say...being an aunt runs a close second. I've been lucky enough to spend some time with my super adorable nieces and nephews lately, and I couldn't love it more!
Me and 'Baby Karlo' August 23rd, 2010

**Riley is getting so big, so quickly. She blows me away with new things every single day. Today, she sang all the words to a song on the radio that I barely know. I'm still not sure how or where she learned it. When I asked her how she knew the words, she said "Everyone knows that song, Mama." Then rolled her eyes. Oh boy, I'm in for it.

**I went to the Lion King the other night, and WOW! It was amazing. The music, the colors, the costumes...simply amazing! These kinds of experiences are so important to me, and even though they are expensive, so totally worth it. Seeing someone else's creativity and passion come alive is so inspiring.

**My sister and I had a conversation recently that I keep revisiting mentally. Basically, it was about choosing to be ok with how things are. Doing your best, and then letting go of the rest. It's not easy for me, but it makes such a difference when I can treat life this way. My sister, though younger than me, is such a great friend and confidant and so wise. I'm grateful to have her patience and perspective to help me sort things out.

**Even though she's getting big, Riley hasn't really slowed down any. This seems to be the most typical view of Riley lately. Running, running, running....always on the move.

Remembering my Grandmother (Gratitude Friday)

Grandma Darlene meets Riley for the first time Sept. 2007

The end of August traditionally marks the end of a season, when we put away the fun and games of summer and focus on the demands that autumn brings. This year, I have found another ending that August will always mark for my family.

My grandmother died yesterday.

My grandma was 75 years old, and her health had been declining for a while. Her passing wasn't unexpected, and while that may help to absorb some of the shock, it does little to absorb the loss. I have been sitting with the knowledge that her time was close for about a week, and while I am saddened for the grief my family is feeling, I am also very relieved that she went peacefully and happy that we are all choosing to remember the good things about a wonderful woman.

I've spent a lot of time this past week recalling the little things I remember about her, trying to set her memory solidly in my head and in my heart so I can tell Riley about her someday. I recall, very vividly, an argument she and I had when I was 5 years old. My little sister had just been born and I had a Kindergarten sleigh-ride to attend. The only gloves that could be found were green with a black stripe and I was certain that they would clash with my pink coat. I was adamant about not wearing them, adamant to the point of dramatic wailing and crying and locking myself in the bathroom. My Grandma (a Wuthrich in every sense of the word) was just as adamant that I would get over myself, come out of the bathroom and wear the gloves. Hollering through the bathroom door, she said, "Amyanne. Wuthrich. (Note: use of my full name was never a good thing) The color of the gloves does not matter. The sleigh-ride is what matters. Now get out here RIGHT NOW!"

I came out, wore the gloves, and I still remember how much fun the sleigh-ride was, surrounded by the crisp December air. The spontaneous snowball fight that erupted afterward wouldn't have been possible without the gloves. She was right, the sleigh-ride was what mattered, and that lesson is something I still try to live by today. Experiences matter. The details are just, well...details.

My grandmother lived a full life. She married my grandpa at 15, in 1950, and they enjoyed 60 years together. And when I say "enjoy", I mean they bickered and bantered for much of the time, but it seemed to delight them both. They had 5 children, and more grandchildren and great-grandchildren than I can count. She lived to hunt, played a mean game of poker, and loved western movies. She was artistic and creative, and always concerned about her kids and grandkids. I can't remember her not reminding me to put on a jacket, even when it was 80 degrees outside.

She let people make their own way and live their life how they saw fit, accepting them as they came and she didn't interfere often. The only advice that I can remember her giving me on child-rearing was to make sure my daughter wore socks every day, advice she bestowed on the first day she met Riley (pictured above). While she may be dismayed to know that Riley rarely wears socks unless absolutely necessary, it was the other bit of wisdom she gave me that day that has really stuck with me. Riley was only about 10 days old, and already I was going through the process of filing for divorce. When my Dad and Grandfather left the room, she tugged on my arm and pulled me down right next to her. Cradling my daughter in her arms, she told me to remember that I was strong, that I could get through this, and that my baby and I would both be better for it. After all, she said, I was a "Wuthrich, and we both knew what that meant."

She was right. I knew what it meant then, and I know, even more, what it means now.

I think there is a little bit of her in me. Perhaps some of my grit comes from her, and I'm absolutely certain a large amount of my stubborness does. She was a woman who laughed loudly and often, wasn't afraid of speaking her mind, cussed when it was required (she understood that sometimes it was required), believed in hard work, and taught her children (who then taught me) that when something needs to be done, you get into gear and just do it. I'm proud to be her granddaughter and treasure the traits I have inherited from her and hope to pass them on to my daughter. She was truly a modern-day cowgirl, complete with spit and sass, and I love, love, LOVE that about her.

Seeing someone you love pass on is hard, even when you know it's a blessing for them. It isn't supposed to be easy but I've found that there are little gifts along the way, if you look for them. There is a certain courage in the fight to keep them here. There is a certain strength in the mourning, in a father letting his children see him cry. And there is a certain grace in the letting go.

Tonight, as I wait for my siblings to arrive, so we can honor our grandmother and put her to rest, I am grateful. Grateful to have had such a wonderful grandmother for almost 34 years, for the influence she had on me, and for helping me to grow into who I am. I am grateful for the good times, the many laughs, and the family she raised. I am grateful for my faith and my beliefs, that reassure me that there is more beyond this life. But mostly I am grateful for those little gifts that I have found along the way; for that certain strength of my father, who let me see him cry and that certain grace of my family, who chose to let her go. It's been a tough week, but for everything this experience has given me, I am grateful.

The craziness that is my family

If you know me, you know I come from a huge, large, unwieldy family. I have five brothers and one sister of my own, and then my step-parents provided me with many, many more siblings. Last Saturday, I was lucky enough to get to spend some time with my brothers and a whole bunch of my step-siblings. The paper plate is representing Daniel. (We missed you, Dan.)
This was several (not all, by any means) of my sibs and their spouses. I have no idea why Marcus decided to show off his impressive ribcage - it's hard getting a group shot where everyone looks normal. Isn't Andrea gorgeous? And she's a kick-ass mother of three wild ones.
Adam, Nate and Ken (Nate looks sorta surprised). I can't believe I got Nic to even consider getting his picture taken voluntarily. I usually have to sneak it.
Dani, Kale and Michael. Kale is already sporting his camo- prepping for hunting season, I guess. Oh, my sister in law, Dani. I Love her. She's one of the kindest, most authentic women I know.

A couple of my "little" brothers- Adam and Marcus. So cute!

Spending time with these guys is so much fun, and doesn't happen nearly enough. We are flung all about the nation, but when we can get together, I can always count on good times, a million laughs and the knowledge that I am blessed with an amazing, awesome, understanding, supportive and wonderful family.

And so I write.

The busy-ness of the past couple of weeks is catching up with me. My days have been filled with fun and friends and family, reliving old memories and creating new. Laughter, life, and love has filled me up, soothed raw edges and laid gentle hands on the tender places that still reside in my soul. Courage and comfort have been sought and found; fears have been spoken out loud, and then released. Soaking in the familiarity and easiness of those who know me best (and love me despite it) sustains me and the sweetness of little arms thrown around my neck in an unabashed display of love has given me everything I need to keep reaching to do better, to be better. For these times, and for these gifts, I am grateful.

But as I show up tonight to write, to worship at the page, a deep weariness has settled over me. The edges of emotions are blurring together, seeping into each other until I can't tell where one ends and the next begins...happiness, confusion, contentment, gratitude, trepidation, loneliness, fulfillment. All seemingly at war with each other, and yet all have taken up residence inside my head and my heart tonight.

I am tired.

It's time to rest. I know this. And yet it's hard to settle in, to settle down and to let my body and mind sink deeply into slumber when it seems like there is always so much to do, so much to see, so much to write, so much to say. So I let the tumble of words spill onto the page, looking for a pattern, waiting for the answer. Or, if not that much, at least identifying the question. I can usually find what I'm looking for, if I keep searching, keep sorting. Tonight I know rest won't come until I let all of this out.

And so I write.

August 12of12

I had to get this out early today, because I have a full day of work ahead and then we are off for a weekend at the beach! Here is what my August 12th looked like.
1. When I woke up, I saw that Riley had crawled into bed with me sometime during the night.
2. I attended a really interesting work conference at Alta resort. This was my view from the meeting room in the morning. I know, I know...I have an awesome job. I'm grateful.
3. Miss Yaya and her new favorite accessory.
4. I took pages and pages of notes at the conference. Did I mention it was really great? I love being surrounded by very intelligent people who are passionate about what they do.
5. I worked at home for a couple of hours in the morning. This is what my "work at home desk" looks like.
6. Riley carried a tampon box insert around all evening and called it "The Book of the Whole World". And I let her because it made me laugh. Mother of the year, right here.
7. I spent some time in these books; I was craving Mary Oliver after spending time in the mountains. and ee cummings is always a favorite.
8. Riley needed more books and movies, so we made a trip to the library.
9. Love my girl!
10. Another shot of Little Cottonwood Canyon. This was taken as I was getting ready to drive away.
11. Snuggles and such before bed.
12. The sunset from our deck. You can't see it very well, but Riley was very concerned about the "baby moon" . She was worried that it's mommy left it.